How do I cope with being ugly? I hate looking like a femcel

Beauty is a social tool in a lot of ways. Unfortunately, women are rewarded and treated differently based on their looks, but that's how it is.

If you want to seize this social currency and still remain true to yourself, you can take small steps to see what works for you.

• go to Sephora and ask for beauty help. Advice is free, they'll be happy to work with you. Find someone you click with. Remember, you don't need to wear a full face of makeup.

• begin to develop your personal style. Maybe it's grunge emo, maybe it's poodle skirts. Start trying stuff and see what resonates with you. That self expression attracts likeminded folks and will boost your confidence. Find stuff that flatters your body type at your current size and weight

• get a bra fitting and proper bra. Lots of stores can help with that. Maybe try bralettes?

• get big frames to own the bigness of your glasses. It's trendy now too, which is a bonus

The one thing I would say is that capitalism is largely based on making women feel bad about their appearance so that they go out and buy things to feel better about themselves e.g. make-up, clothes, hair products. Maybe limiting the amount of adverts you are subjected to might help with your self-esteem e.g. watch less TV, read fewer magazines.

On the subject of femcels, well I personally don't believe femcels exist. Any incel I met was always a man. Women can be involuntary celibate but I still wouldn't call women like that femcels because they don't behave like incels. They don't abuse men the way incels abuse women. They don't commit violence against men the way incels do e.g. women don't shoot up schools because they can't get a date. Bascially what I'm saying is that being an incel is about what you do, not what you look like, so don't worry about that.

I actually think the issue might be more about confidence rather than looks with you. Maybe you should go to therapy, just for a few sessions to talk about how to boost your confidence. If you don't like that idea, maybe read one or two books on confidence and boosting self-esteem.

Not sure exactly what advice you are looking for. Other posters gave you great mindset tips, so I'll give you some practical advice that works for me. I don't regularly wear make-up, rarely wear heels, but I have confidence in myself. My routine is more focused on becoming the healthiest version of myself that I can be. I don't really pay attention to beauty trends unless it's something I find attractive! Being healthy will always be 'in'.

Internal

- Vegan vitamin D3, 5000 IU daily, especially if you live in a cold climate

- Timed release 1000 IU vitamin c

These two together are good for building collagen and relatively cheap

- Vegan lifestyle centered around whole plant foods, limited oil, sugar, salt and processed foods (I usually try to eat healthy during the week, and then I don't limit myself on weekends)

- Keep stress levels down, mindset work

- Unless you are hairy by ethnicity like I am, I would definitely get your thyroid and hormones checked, and see a derm

- Posture is huge!

External

- Face & body moisturizer, I recommend CeraVe or Cetaphil for a beginner.

- Hair removal. I would recommend getting laser hair removal. Even a few treatments made my facial hair more manageable for me, but I still have to shave at least one a week. I find that facial hair removal can be one of the most impactful things for being more conventionally attractive, especially if you have dark hair and light skin. It sucks, but I find that facial hair is still very stigmatized in society.

- Clothes that fit and flatter. I also have stomach fat & a small chest, and I find crop tops/bralettes and high waisted long pants look good on me. Empire waist dresses with gathering at the tummy area can be flattering too.

Exercise

I'm a big believer in the best exercise is the one you enjoy and will do consistently. Whether that's dancing in your room for 30min or hitting the weights, doesn't really matter.

I do find the best results to be with strength training for me. I'd recommend following YouTube channels about weightlifting if you can't afford to hire someone to help with form and you're interested. I reccomend "squat university" on YouTube.

I know that this can feel overwhelming, but just focus on checking off one list item at a time. It took me many years to build these habits, and I'm not perfect.

This whole thing screams insecurity and reluctance to take care of yourself. I understand, like most women, that we are constantly pressured into doing things we don't want to and being told we are not attractive enough. However, there's a huge different between wearing makeup or beautifying yourself and simply taking care of yourself. The latter doesn't require makeup and hence makes me think there are self-worth issues that perhaps you need address... especially because you mention both being clingy (and comparing yourself to other treatment other women receive) and having been bullied. As someone who has been bullied, although not for my appearance, it can do a number on you. Your whole post suggests serious lack of energy and I wonder why that is. Are you generally down?

Forget the makeup, focus on health. I know it doesn’t seem that way when you’re young, but health really is the most important thing. Go see some medical professionals about your concerns, that will start a whole process. First, it is essential to learn seeking out help. We all need help from time to time. Second, by taking that action, you are affirming to yourself that you matter. That is the foundation, on which self-love can grow.

I was an ugly duckling in HS, so I know where you are at! Your facial hair can be dealt with with waxing strips. Try the Parissa brand that are very gentle and can be found on Amazon. Get a Foreo face brush and some Cerave AHA cleanser and see what you can do to control your acne by yourself befor seeing a derm about RX. treatments.

I bet you aren't as ugly as you think you are, and there is always room for improvement! Maybe start shaving? Start giving yourself clay facials to help with the acne and black heads? Change your diet? Cut out sugar and fast food? Get new clothes? Doesn't have to be expensive. There are affordable ways to improve ourselves. But at 22, our self esteem is in the gutter. I promise you, as you grow up and get older your self confidence is going to soar.

If you have room for improvement in terms of physical fitness, that could be a good area to focus your attention. Because whether or not you care to put any effort into your appearance, you should be taking care of your body for health reasons. Getting good food and excersize will change the shape of your body as a positive side effect. Plus, I find that when I'm excersizing regularly (and washing my face soon after getting all sweaty) that my skin looks a lot better. But maybe most importantly, feeling like your body is strong and capable and powerful can change the way you feel about your appeance. It's hard to hate your body when it's capable of running a half marathon or summiting a high peak.

I've been thinking about this post and what to write here.

I'll be honest, I really don't like these types of posts. It goes into femcel territory. I don't really believe femcels exsist. It's something that men made up to make fun of women they don't find attractive and because they want to show that women can be "incels" too.

Women that call themselves femcels usually have low self esteem and care too much about what men think about them.

You're 22? That's so young. Most women have an awkward phase.

But you just don't wake up and become conventionally attractive one day. I'm assuming this is the advice you want? To become conventionally attractive it takes work. You have to take care of yourself.

Skincare is important, eating healthy, exercise etc.

if you want to wear makeup, it's up to you but makeup doesn't make you beautiful.

You can find tips on how do these things for free on YouTube and TikTok.

Also remove your body hair IF YOU WANT TO. Don't do it for men. It's not gonna make you beautiful either.

I think I've told this story before on here, but I decided not to shave my armpits for almost 2 years and had no problem finding men that wanted to date me. Even though some thought it was a little strange (as in different)

I really think just walking everyday or an exercise class that you like will give you a boost in confidence. When I started working out regularly I was so confident and men noticed, I was not slim or fit then.

Maybe start with that and eating better , taking vitamins etc. I bet it would fix a lot of the things that you don't like. Your body may change, the bags under your eyes may lessen.

Change starts internally.

Stop comparing yourself to other women.

Stop feeling depressed because men don't like you.

I'm sure you're fine and not as ugly as you believe you are.

This again? Bullshit troll post. Why are people treating this gross nonsense like it's a sincere post? Every incel stereotype of an "ugly woman" on display here, with some very bizarre turns of phrase. Let's not encourage this nonsense. There are some creepy men here who have infiltrated the place, and are trying to play the long game.

A simple skincare routine might help you feel better about yourself. I like Cassandra Bankson's youtube channel. She's a medical aesthetician, and gives very realistic advice. Plus, she struggles with acne and acne scars herself, so she can give a first person perspective on what helps.

It might also help to organize your living space so that you're more comfortable. I find that when my living space is cluttered or dirty, I tend to take that energy with me throughout the day.

Lastly, don't listen to people who tell you you're ugly. I'm not ugly, but I've been called ugly by bullies more times than I can count. I've seen men that look like thumbs call supermodels ugly. It means nothing. Work on your posture, and get comfortable clothes that have the right amount of coverage for you--soft fabrics, elastic waistband, as loose/tight as feels right to you, so you're not constantly distracted by pinching, having to suck your stomach in, or having to hide part of your body--and that will go a long way toward making people see and respect you.

Finding a sport or type of exercise that you enjoy can help with your confidence and how you feel every day. Try a bunch of different things: weight lifting, yoga, walking, running... look up different physical activities online--you might find an obscure sport that you love, but that only has a small number of people who enjoy it where you live. They'll be happy to have one more! I really like the youtube channel Movement By David. He's an average-looking guy (with an average-looking wife), who specializes in stretches to increase flexibility and reduce injury. I love youtube as a fitness resource: you can try a type of exercise in the privacy of your own home, and a lot of the people with channels are just regular-looking people. So you don't have to worry about feeling like you'll never measuring up to an impossibly gorgeous fitness coach.

Facial hair on women is a symptom of PCOS. Please check this out with your Gyno. It could be corrected.

One thing that I have learned that most people don't realize is that beauty is a skill. A skill that looks effortless. It's not something people naturally have — beautiful people have spent years of thier lives learning how to be beautiful. They learned what style they like and what clothes flatter them. They learned how to remove body hair. They learned how to do makeup. They learned everything that has made them beautiful.

I support you on your quest, so my advice is to start learning. This is not an overnight change. You might not see any noticeable changes in 30, 60, or maybe even 90 days. It might be a full year or two before you truly feel transformed. This will take time. You have a lot to learn.

Start with YouTube. Find solutions for everything that brings you down.

You can do it 💖

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I don't really buy into the whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." When you live as a woman who is seen as unattractive, you certainly see the darker side of life and human nature. Just basic courtesy and respect are often lacking. Studies have shown that people who do not fit beauty standards are treated differently, and it affects every aspect of one's life, from employment to romantic relationships.

I don't like the gaslighting that often happens around looks. We all know looks matter, or else women would not invest so much time, effort, and money into looking a certain way. We know it garners more positive treatment. It can be a double-edged sword, of course. Attractive women have to deal with harassment, cat-calling, not being taken seriously, etc. Women can't win honestly. I have sympathy for both experiences, but mine falls into the category of being seen as unattractive and dehumanized because of my weight, and that is the only perspective I can speak from.

So, I'm not going to tell you it's in your head or anything like that. What you've experienced is real, and it's brutal. You've been treated like dirt by people. You've been invisible, rejected, called names, and gone through terrible suffering. What I will tell you is to focus on what you can control and change and then take small steps toward looking how you would like to look. Not everything is in your power. Make a list of the things that are and work on those. For instance, I have thinning hair. I've started using nioxin shampoo to thicken it. I hope it works. I also deal with facial hair. I've started drinking spearmint tea, and I'm noticing positive results. I am losing weight, slowly, but that's the healthiest way to do it. I am not doing anything drastic or extreme. I'm just trying to enchance my appearance in small ways. It's not all in my control. The shampoo might not work. At least I know I've tried everything I can.

Finally, start on a self-love journey today right now in this moment. Do not wait another day. As someone mentioned, maybe start with neutrality around your body. Maybe you don't love yourself in this moment. I understand. I struggle with it, too. You're up against an entire society telling you that you are nothing. You don't get to post a selfie and get dozens of supportive comments. You don't have men flirting with you or people validating you. We don't get that. We have to go within and find the love inside us. The thing is, the world has already done enough to you. Don't turn against yourself.

Don't believe the lies that you are only what you look like. Yes, we live in a shallow world where looks do, in fact, matter, but we are more than what we look like. And no one owns the concept of beauty. We can reclaim it. You are beautiful because of who you are. You have gifts. You have things to contribute. Your beauty is as real as any other woman's beauty. Try to work toward neutrality and eventually self-love and loving your body because it's yours and it holds all that makes you unique and special in this world. You are worth loving. You are worth knowing. I'm so sorry this world makes you think otherwise, that it makes so many women feel like nothing, but you are not nothing. You matter. Please, say kind words to yourself and do not give up on yourself.

Order contact lenses online ( I Like focus dailies total)

Start shaving

Acne: try epiduo externally / try not to consume lactose and coal tablets internally

Facial Hair: get an online prescription for vaniqua

Mole: You can Bus TCA Peel in many countries, it will remove most moles

Fat distribution: Go get your hormones Tested at your OBGYN (insist firmly)

Puffy eyes: Get some bloodwork done (could be Heart or kidney) / sleep more upright / get a major allergy Test

Overall: Try Losing some weight: Drink as mich still water as you can and get some stomach exercise in every day

This post sounds a lot like body dysmorphia. While I'm sure you have features you're uncomfortable with, I'm not totally sure you have an accurate assessment of what you actually look like or the impact it's having on your life/relationships. The fact that you call yourself a "femcel" is very telling. When people call themselves femcels/incels because of their appearance, 95% of the time, they are average-looking people.

And I didn't pull that number out of my ass. Attractiveness, like most human features, follows normal distribution. As much as I hate to use rankings out of 10, it makes this easy to explain. 95% of people would fall between a rank of 3-7, which is the range of "average-looking." And yeah, life can be harder for women who are on the lower side of that range, especially in adolescence. Teenagers are cruel. Adolescence was very recent for you, so I'm sure you're still raw from the way you were treated then. The adult world is not quite so harsh.

And I know you're going to read that and think, "Yeah well, I'm part of the 2.5%." And maybe you are. But I doubt it. None of the features you've described would suggest that you're that far outside of the realm of conventional attractiveness. Most of the time, these people have actual health problems and are not taking care of themselves. For example, jaw deformities/misalignments, hormonal problems, or extremely unhealthy body weight plus poor hygiene and unflattering styling choices.

Speaking of hormonal problems, I'm going to join the chorus of women suggesting you get your hormones checked. Facial hair + acne + extremely "masculinized" fat distribution (all in the belly) + puffiness in the face sounds like a possible hormonal issue, like PCOS or hypothyroidism.

Makeup is not going to fix this problem. If anything, it's going to make it worse. Wearing makeup dissociates you from your natural features. It reinforces the idea that your natural face is something that needs to be "fixed." What fixes this problem is confidence and self-love.

And you might find that confidence in doing things to change your appearance, but it won't really be about the change in your appearance. For example, going to the gym might make you more confident, but it won't be about the way it changes your body. It will be because you start appreciating your body for what it can do rather than how it looks. Changing the way you dress might make you more confident, but it won't be about the way you look. It will be about how you feel in the new clothes. Starting a skincare routine might make you more confident, but it won't be about your skin. It will be about the self-love you cultivate during the routine, by showing up for yourself day after day to prove to yourself that you deserve to have healthy skin that feels good.

1. Get up and go for a walk in the morning.

2. Shower afterwards and shave off your facial hair and leg/armpithair.

3. Put on lotion and a bit of mascara, eyeliner, and lip gloss. Comb/style your hair. Put on a nice outfit for the day. If you don't have one, buy some.

4. Eat something healthy for breakfast (no sugar or grains since you have acne. So bacon and eggs).

5. Do this on repeat until you care enough to solve your other issues. You need to ask yourself, "How would a girl who loves herself act?" and do what the girl who loves herself would do, instead of what you'd do, until you lov I ng yourself becomes reality.

I don't want to write a speech because the ladies here already gave great advice and I know some things are subjective so I'll just share my beauty routine and you can pick and poke at what you like.

- Paula's choice BHA toner. I don't have acne but it works great for that (you can read reviews and watch product videos.)

- exercise, gym membership (planet fitness is 11$ a month.) you can even change your body type with exercise. Gym routine: primarily weighted squats and leg machines. I run beforehand and take pre-workout to get my body in the zone. Exercising literally helps your whole body, from longevity to mental health, I love it and can't go a day without it.

- Acure products for your face, they have a 100 on Yuka (app that checks for bad ingredients) and they're not likely to irritate your skin.

- Do your eyebrows!! Eyebrows are important, you can look up those lil single shave things, they have em at Marshalls (or TJ Maxx). (I love Marshalls) you can get tweezers and a little shavey thing and learn how to do your eyebrows in accordance with your facial structure (Charts can be found on Google). I know from personal experience that you need your eyebrows resting above your glasses so you don't look like that lady from the Incredibles. My eyebrows were so bushy , I am an eyebrow veteran. When you tweeze have a tissue in case you sneeze.

- Marshalls has cute cheap clothes! And all that beauty crap like the shaving tools and tweezers.

- buy one of those little rubber facial exfoliator things.

- eye bags can be hot, depending on your weight they could be reduced by exercising and losing weight. But also! You can learn to work with them. I personally think they make a woman look mature and sophisticated as most jobs (in my field at least) don't want baby faces selling them product (I've tried). You can rock eye bags with a business casual wardrobe and some fiiiine jewelry make your profile stand out against the clothing (HVM prefer that shit anyway.) I personally don't take oversized sweaters and baby faces seriously and you don't have to be like that to be beautiful. (Not saying this to shame anyone but let's say I didn't get much sales or handshakes lookin like an e-girl. Been there done that.)

- if exercising and going to a gym is too scary (it can be for a lot of people.) Do keto (honestly just meat and veggies, no bread or refined sugar.) and check out Blogilates! She's so fun and cheery, you can watch exercise videos on YouTube for free although! Actually going outside and running around will work faster and maybe you could work your way up to that point if you're getting impatient, it also just feels amazing, I run in the morning before the sun rises because the nvm aren't on the prowl.

If you're seriously shy and want to be hidden when exercising honestly just do squats until your legs burn and build muscle that way (muscle burns more calories at rest than cardio but cardio has AMAZing benefits anyway.)

- also you don't need makeup to be feminine or beautiful, Marshalls has cheap makeup (and brushes) if you wanted to play around but I would find your style first before buying up metallic pallettes at your local CVS (a lot of pallettes are ugly with weird colors, they're designed that way so you keep buying them.) My favorite pallette has been the Nude one by Karity but even then I don't wear it 🤷 too much work. It's also just expensive and can clog pores or make acne worse.

Start with the eyebrows first! The face is your first impression, plus it's less annoying because the hair takes time to grow back and tweezers are dirt cheap, squats are free too, I'd work your way up to the money spending stuff later.

There's a free podcast exactly on this subject.

You can find all tutorials on YouTube.

Look up Melinda Gates. She's Bill Gates' ex. Being pretty means nothing, and usually just attracts predators. Live your life. If you actually don't want to feel this way, then look up makeup tutorials on youtube and shave. Think about trying contacts. But being pretty won't fix your life. It'll just give you a slight edge at best.