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When I was in high school, I often dealt with a lot of issues of feeling jealous of seeing the way others were socializing/making connections in general, but also particularly when it came to other girls making these sorts of quick connections and easy socializations with boys. I wasn't necessarily 'introverted' but I have always been more reserved at first, and I am a little more meek to let people into my social life. I still have a tendency to 'observe' and decide whether or not I want to let people in before opening up, and have historically found myself oscillating between being open and social one day but then pulling back a little the next day and being more fickle. As I've grown older I try to be more socially open as I'd like to be that way but I still have this tendency to be a social fencesitter so-to-speak.
I started a new job at a school and the social environment is nice, but somewhat reminiscent of those high school days for me. I feel accepted and people are nice, though I have found myself going back to that feeling of feeling a bit alienated, like I'm not interesting enough for other people. I've been trying to redirect my thinking as I haven't necessarily had any evidence of people thinking that, and I am still new and there's so many people working here, so I am trying to just remind myself that getting to know people also just takes time and not everyone is going to be BFF's immediately and I probably wouldn't feel super into that if people started acting that way with me anyways.
Something that has been bothering me in particular though, especially the last couple weeks, is some of the flirting/dating/hookups/etc. that go on between coworkers. Aside from the HR nightmare that would happen in any other company (people keep it professional here for the most part, and there's double digit numbers of people who have worked here in the last 30 years who have met their husbands/wives here), I notice I'm being brought right back to those high school insecurities. A friend of mine who works here I used to be a bit jealous of in high school as she often got attention from boys while I got absolutely zero; I was overweight and generally quirky. Still quirky but have learned to lean into it, still overweight and currently on a weightloss journey and have been feeling great but still more time to go before I reach my goal. She has been having her own flirting/hookup thing going on - I know I am not jealous as in I want this same thing, but it's bringing back those feelings of insecurity. Same thing with another (major pickme tbh) coworker - she has been hitting on some new people in my same position who started with me, going on dates, seeing other coworkers, etc. I'm not even into the dudes she's been going after, but once again it's triggering those insecure feelings of "why not me?" I've also been struggling a bit with my body image the last week (not sure if it's due to PMS or what) so idk if that's also been contributing to this. But in the past I've had a lot of strong feelings about the men I'm interested in not liking me for how I look or my personality not being 'right' or whatever, and some issues surrounding being outright ignored or men being rude to me in favor of someone else I'm with (like my aforementioned friend).
I don't think I'm in danger of like, doing anything that goes against what I believe in; I have always told myself that regardless of how I feel I would always rather be single than in a bad relationship. I also understand that therapy is going to likely be a big help for me in this situation...but I'm hoping someone has some tips or strategies or even just questions to ask myself to kind of help redirect my thinking in the meantime. A big reason I took this job on was to be more independent (it's helped me move away from my moms house) and try something new. I've been just trying not to focus on the weird flirting and stuff that goes on and just focus on my relationships I'm trying to build with the students and my new skills I'm trying to learn/hone in on.
Are you me?! Here's a great quote from Enola Holmes 2 that gives me strength in such situations-
"Too many people make it their sole purpose in life to fit into the world around them.
This is a mistake.
It's your path, Enola.
Sometimes you will stumble, sometimes you will fall
But no matter how lost you feel,
if you stay true to yourself,
The path will always find you again"
In your case, I would interpret this as advice just to be yourself and trust that it will bring you the right people/lack thereof. I think you already know this, because you mention that you don't plan on doing anything that goes against your values. Here are some things that I personally do when my high school jealousy is triggered (and it often is)-
Journaling
Watching comfort movies with main characters I can relate to
Talking to my sister (or any close female friend who "gets" you)
Think of myself as being on a secret mission, working towards my top secret goals
Spend fun time (even on calls/chats) with female friend circle (or even a single female friend) that you know likes you genuinely- this is to counter the sinking feeling that no one likes you- which is untrue for sure
Spend fun time with yourself- do something that is creative/read/cook some fancy thing/anything that you enjoy or makes you feel accomplished outside of social validation
Basically, do things that increase your positive emotions deliberately. There is a free course on Coursera called the Science of Wellbeing offered by Yale University, if you are interested- it's quite insightful
As a side note, it's awesome that you are gaining independence from your family. There are people who would give their two front teeth to be able to do that. What you are doing is seriously cool- the very foundation on which a good life can be built. Be proud!
I get how you feel, like even though I don’t want to be part of the dating/hookup culture, watching other ppl do it make me feel insecure. Luckily I haven’t had to experience that in a workplace again so I can’t give you any advice.
But as you mentioned grounding techniques, what I work on with my therapist is to focus on the sensations in my body so I dont get absorbed in the thoughts. for example how’s my breathing, did heart rate increase/decrease, am I feeling tense, where am I feeling tense, tightness in the neck, etc etc. This way you start you actually “feel” that feeling of insecurity instead of trying to ”think” your feeling. And overtime once you get used to ”feeling” those feelings you don’t feel them as intensely anymore. It takes time though and sometimes the sensations in our body can be agonizing, which is why we often try not to “feel” our feelings and instead “think” our feelings.