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Getting a lot of ads and hearing a lot of talk lately pushing for therapy when really it's not always necessary and can actually push the pickme mindset instead.
Reminder that not all therapists are a good fit for you and some of them are pickmes who will prey on your vulnerability and get you to lower your standards using the narrative of "healing, growing, trusting, opening up". Lvm are now targeting women and preying on our desires to level up, heal, and grow by saying we need therapy. It's a massive neg. They're ultimately trying to get us scares thinking we have these deep issues that require professional help in order to have a healthy relationship when really the problem is still and always will be LVM.
The trendy things right now are the attachment styles. There's 4: secure, disorganized, anxious, and avoidance. For avoidance, its marked by not trusting people, pushing away during relationships and intimacy, opting for casual instead, and being hyper independent.
The red pilled and pickmes are now trying to call hvw who vet, have standards, and stay on our toes as being "avoidant" and "needing therapy" when these are not the same things. Being cautionous, watching for red flags, and not being love bombed or dumping trauma does not mean you are avoidant. If you've read the gift of fear, you know there is value in having apprehension and listening to your gut. When it comes to romance we are very vulnerable and we need to be very careful.
Just like scrotes weaponizing on their "love language" being touch or acts of service to brainwash you into being a bangmaid, they'll weaponize attachment theory to confuse your standard vetting and apprehension as a personality disorder or unhealthy attachment style. It's an extreme neg basically calling you defective. You'll hear the "that's why you're single, you just won't open up. You got issues from childhood, etc". And now simply being single and a grown adult is being called "hyper independent" and looked at like you have a serious issue or trauma when you're simply being an adult who pays her bills and takes care of her issues and takes herself out, like healthy adults should.
This post isn't to shame anyone or demonize therapy - It is a cautionary post made to highlight how men and pickmes will neg and gaslight you into believing that doing regular adult things as a woman who is leveling up is "defective". Therapy can actually be a wonderful and helpful resource provided that you have found a good therapist. Lvm don't understand therapy though and hope that just showing up will fix everything and also hope that the woman gets knocked down a peg and reset into pickme/bangmaid mode. They'll even say "you should try therapy I care about you" as virtue signaling and to act like a nice guy.
Before entering relationships you should be comfortable being single, you should have a group of solid friends or family, your own hobbies, and you should be fairly happy. It's never a good idea to seek relationships when you're going through some serious things or in a funk. And when you date, you should be vetting, you should be cautious, you should move a little slowly. You should set boundaries and "have expectations" that he does HVM stuff. You should both still have your own lives rather than being codependent or love bombing. You should always stick to your standards and run when you see the red flags or deal breakers.
You don't need therapy for simply being a grown HVW. 💯
Usually men do something horrible to you, and then when you have a justifiably upset reaction, they tell you you need therapy. One guy cheated on me, constantly lied, and then when I yelled at him he said I needed therapy. It has the bonus of making him look like he is the "kind, evolved person" while you are "the crazy one" for doing anything other than tolerating his shit.
It's weaponized. The entire concept of therapy has been weaponized.
Yep I'll be very satisfied when that one burns in hell.
Yeah I had all the "symptoms" of avoidant attachment style, then once I was in a healthy relationship I magically became "securely attached". Imagine that lol
I do go to therapy, like once a quarter. I really appreciate that my therapist doesn't do "therapy speak" crap. We just talk in normal words and the only thing she seems to care about is "are you happy? What would make you more happy? How can I help you do that?" Easy peasy.
I feel gaslit by these concepts. Relationship therapy speak seems to base itself on pretending that everything is normal as is in the patriarchy and the issue lies in the individual not working it out effectively.
Everything disrespectful coming from a man can be explained away by his aVoIdaNt AttaChmeNt sTyLe and it is your fault for not cOmMuNicatiNG that you enjoy being treated with manners and dignity.
I get badly annoyed by all those buzzwords.
I feel like a big thing therapy can actually help you with, is debunking what isnt even proper psychological help. No therapist I've ever seen has brought attachment theory or love languages into my problems.
The way trauma/being "triggered" is thrown around these days, a therapist can get your head around what those terms actually mean. People who teach themselves this shit on the internet have really bad views on this stuff. It's concerning.
I really hate when psychology terms bleed into the mainstream and become buzzwords. As someone who has been to therapy because I lacked boundaries/self-respect, had massive self-esteem issues, and was, overall, a massive pickme, I can tell you right now that watching for red flags, not getting baited by love bombing, not trauma dumping/oversharing or allowing others to overshare/trauma dump on you and listening to your instincts is THE NORMAL HEALTHY BEHVIOR THERAPY IS SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU LEARN.
If you already do these things, congrats, you are a normal healthy human being and you don't need therapy. If anyone tells you that you need therapy because you do these things, they are 100% trying to erode your boundaries/gaslight you into becoming an easy target for them to manipulate. Abusers don't just leave people alone. They either look for victims who will willingly submit to them, or they'll beat a strong person into submission with constant gaslighting. The best option is always to go NC with them so you don't have to deal with their gaslighting bs.
Men always moan that if we have a problem with them then we should stop using their inventions, But when I mentioned the inventions women make and men need to do the same they always use cats to make you shut up. I just read that the first author of a book was a woman, Enheduanna was her name. So why not throw all your novels away? It's the invention of a woman, including beer.
As someone who truly loves therapy this an important perspective!
Narcissists and abusers will weaponize anything to target their victims, especially buzz words and pop psychology. I mean, look how sex pests and porn addicts twist the discourse on shame into “all kinks matter.”
Good therapy will teach you to spot these abuse techniques, drop the abuser, and stop internalizing their attempts to bait you.
This post is gold. Should be in the handbook