Eldest Daughter Syndrome

OPINION 🚨:

Only see a therapist if you find someone seriously qualified. I was retraumatized by my therapy experience and some types of therapy allow for rumination and will keep you stuck.

What is working for me is watching videos/Instagram about CPTSD, boundaries and videos about parental narcissism. I also exercise (you can’t outthink your trauma) for my anger management and I do social things where I keep it light.

There is a caveat for you to deal with this trauma “head on”. You must have an adequate support network NOT just an individual therapist to process it. Friends and family do NOT equate to an adequate support network. But the support network CAN include people you never discuss the trauma with…

For example, painting classes are therapy. If you can focus, getting a degree builds a network. Finding a job you enjoy helps.

I fundamentally disagree with the Western model that focusing on the problem head on is what heals you. I find more value in a “grief model” whereby you may always live with this but your life will be enlarged in other ways so you stop thinking about it every day and eventually it’s just an occasional grief pang.

You need evidence based trauma therapy. With a female therapist with years of experience. When we live through trauma we develope coping mechanisms to survive. These coping mechanisms are called symptoms and if you have enough to negatively impact your life they will give you a diagnosis. A therapist focusing only on diagnosis and medication is a red flag. I have been in trauma therapy for years. It's slow and excruciating work but it's also extremely motivating. My therapist is a true genius with a warm heart. My life is heaven now compared to three years ago. I am at peace. Treating symptoms doesn't help. You need to address the trauma. Feel the feelings. Heal the wound. There is no quick fix. Trauma therapy takes time and it can not be done alone. You need to be met on all your unmet needs over a long period to heal. Good luck on your journey ♥️