Do you think women are more likely to have an "anxious attachment style" due to cultural misogyny and girls/women's socialization in?

I absolutely agree with you.

We’re expected to remain calm and content while enduring mistreatment yet we’re also expected not to detach emotionally.

What men want is on-demand attention from us on their terms and they gaslight us into believing we’re needy to want security, consistency and stability.

I do think anxious attachment is often weaponized against women. It also puts the burden on the woman to change instead of the male partner who is being inconsistent and avoidant. When you're in a safe friendship or relationship, you feel it. Your whole body feels it. Often, when people make us anxious, we should listen to that feeling and heed it as a warning.

I believe that most women want love, romance and commitment. I believe that it's mostly only men who want "friends with benefits" type relationships with sex but not commitment/love. I see nothing wrong with wanting love and commitment and anyone who labels that as "anxious attachment style" is gaslighting you, I agree.

Attachment theory is real but scrotes also artificially use the push-pull dynamic. Who is avoidant? Men that figured out it works. Men in love with someone else but are on the take. Narcissists. Men with really messy lives. Men who hate themselves and have nothing to offer. Men who got smothered or ignored by bad parents to a sickening degree (real). All loser LVMs. So if he makes you anxious or angry because of distance, get rid of him. Don't stay because of it or bend over backwards. Don't make excuses because it doesn't matter. Avoidant men are lowest of value. Using it to blame women for being "needy" is bullshit and treating you bad because of it is also bullshit. Here is a thought: IF HE IS AFRAID OF LOVE/CLOSENESS, HE SHOULD STOP STARTING LOVING AND CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS AND BAILING ON THEM OR GIVING THE BARE MINIMUM. GO TO THERAPY, DIPSHIT. I seen what happens when it "works out". So you managed to play all the games to keep your wussy butthole comfortable. You let him come and go, you let him set the non-pace, you let him refuse to label the relationship, you make endless excuses for him and hide that you cry most nights, you swallow your rightous anger, you hide your "neediness" etc. After three years he finally decides you can move in (because you are getting expensive and it will shut you up). You think you are finally getting somewhere! It is finally happening! You got him! But now he sleeps on the couch because he "sleeps better alone". But don't worry, he will give you rough, detached sex before he goes to couch. He tells you work is stressful so he can't have conversations about you being unhappy right now, just stick by him and it will all be fine. A year goes by and you book a vacation, you think it's finally time! You will get close now that he isn't stressed about work and everything will be better.. but when you see your hotel room you notice there are separate beds and he brought his work laptop with him.. Need I go on? 🚮 To answer your question, I think becoming anxious is a natural response to avoidant people screwing with you and as usual, men blame women for everything.

I've been called avoidant by a controlling man and needy by an irresponsible man. So which one is it? Make it make sense 😂

Very much so!

Absolutely so! Men have a history of gaslighting women into compliance. This is just the modern version of gendered misogyny. The only reason we are accepting it now is that men are occasionally (seldom, if we are honest) 'diagnosed' with it too.

Don't forget, historically, men used to diagnose women with 'hysteria', which literally meant, "wandering womb". They thought the only reason a women would NOT want to have sex with them was because she had a restless uterus 😅

Later on hysterics eventually referred to having feelings at all, and of course was only diagnosed on women because its a misogynist term that male physicians made up.

Yes yes you mean legitimate anxiety and worrying concerns caused by men whose behavior seems like it will almost certainly harm you, based on your and most women's past experiences of said behavior? Yes.

The proper term is "I have a feeling that this man will harm me and I am probably right and protecting myself" attachment style. There is no buzzwordy psychological bullcrap about it. YES IT IS ALL A BIG GASLIGHT.

The label is definitely misused. Attachment theory can be dangerous territory for women that leads them to being gaslit or gaslighting themselves. I do believe there is truth in the framework, but we shouldn't be explaining everything away with “that's just your X attachment style talking”. I personally do suffer from relationship anxiety that stems from childhood / teenage years, but that's separate from any person I'm seeing, because I'll have these anxieties with friends, aquaintances or just by myself (for example, thinking I need to be useful to others to have worth in this world, and policing my own interests and hobbies based on that). Of course, no one is ever “at fault” for their attachment style, it stems from being neglected or even abused. One part of healing is experiencing safe relationships (that don't have to be romantic). If you never had safe relationships, how are you supposed to feel safe? Anxiety or avoidance are understandable adaptations to adverse relationship experiences. So we need to remember that they're just our brains protecting themselves. We WILL find it easier to work on our insecurities when we actually have good friends or partners. Bad friends/partners will make them so much worse. When someone triggers your attachment wounds really badly, it's a sign to stay away from them.

I agree with this. There will be people who go so far as to say that you're anxiously attached for not wanting your partner to be polyamorous. Fuck that.

I’m not sure to be honest. I think I’m avoidant. I’m seeing someone who is been head over heels for me and truly I know where I stand with him. I actually don’t question him at all and he treats me so well like a Queen and is so thoughtful and caring. But I feel that he is soooo into me that I’m turned off and I don’t get it. Idk why it’s bothering me … I have my walls up and he is been truly HV in every way but I find myself wanting to run away and just stay alone. Even when he told me he loved me, I wasn’t there yet and I didn’t respond. He was still very respectful about it and didn’t pressure me which makes me wonder if he has an anxious attachment or I’m avoidant 😣

In my book, a "woman who has an anxious attachment style" is a code for "her male partner is an asshole."

I agree that childhood abuse makes it harder to walk away from abusive Scrotes as an adult.

However I think it does take hard work over time to recover from that childhood abuse. This isn't the woman's fault at all - but she is the one who suffers until she gets therapy/help.

It just means it's harder to walk away from emotionally abusive scrotes due to experiences from inconsistent caretakers. Switching from anxious to secure attachment is easily achievable. There's nothing "weak" about having anxious attachment and no one is being "gaslit" for getting this assessment