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Friendships, relationships and sex do not add anything of value to my life. I have no interest in these things any more. I know people say humans are social creatures and that social interaction is supposed to be healthy or something but I honestly don't enjoy it at all. I would rather be in my room reading a book, drawing or writing poetry or listening to music than talk to another person. My happiest days are when I just do my work or some other activity alone. My worst days are when I have to get coffee with someone and talk to them, because it's really stressful and I don't know what to say to them. And I find everyone really boring. If I dated someone, I would get really annoyed if they interrupted me while I was doing something I liked just because they wanted me to do something dumb with them like have sex, which I don't understand the appeal of and have no interest in.
There is obviously a huge difference between being lonely and being alone. And I feel lonelier when I am around other people than I do when I'm actually alone. I don't actually believe it when people say having friends is healthy. I'm pretty sure spending time with people shortens my lifespan and is like smoking 10 cigarettes a day or something because of how stressful it is. I don't like being constantly judged. I don't like the pressure of needing to seem interesting. And I don't care to know about other people.
I know a lot of people will take a year or something to "focus on themselves" and forget about friends and relationships. But is it ok if I just do that for my whole life? These past two months I've been focusing on my hobbies and ignoring everyone, and it's the happiest I've been in a long time. I used to idolize people, especially ones who I thought were smarter than me but now I feel like no one is really that smart. I could surpass them if I kept focusing on myself, and then there would be nothing interesting about them.
I always stop for a small talk with tourists, say hello to ppl who aren't really strangers. But when it comes to friendship ppl always cross the line, with words and cross my boundaries with actions and It's like I only see the good side of humans when I keep them at arms length.
I'm very selective, I prefer talking to very intelligent women who don't want kids so that I don't have to deal with their yapping about how much the baby daddy sucks and how hard it is to be a mother and then make me feel uneasy for not having children.
It's unpleasant. I notice bad or boundary crossing behavior comes from people who are either raised not properly or lack of intelligence and wisdom.
You should find better female friends. Not pickmes. I'm moving into my coworker's house (paying the same amount of rent) just because we get along and like working together. If you're an introvert, find another introverted friend who feels drained after interacting. The silences together can be charging, and you'll both be on the same wavelength. People aren't really meant to be alone.
I understand where you're coming from OP. I have also had issues with friends who were pretty great at the beginning but later on, they'd constant push boundaries and take more than they gave. Another problem in my case is that I'm in my 40s and most women my age are married with kids and have little to no interest in befriending single, childfree women like me. That's why I've decided to just concentrate on enjoying my own company for the time being. If I make friends, well and good but I'm not desperate for friends.
Have you considered autism? Not trying to diagnose you, but one challenge of autism is that social experiences never become habits, therefore you have to think and be on high alert for each and every one.
For me at middle age I'm finally allowing myself to not be social. I still enjoy maybe 1 or 2 people, and sometimes make myself hang out with friends once a month, but for the most part I love taking myself for long swims or good food and just ignoring the world.
I sometimes think the statement that people are social creatures is something that's more true for neurotypicals.
I can relate a lot as its so difficult making friends but when you have high value female friendships they are sooo fulfilling and warming. I hope you can find that for yourself. All you need are a couple good friends anyway.
I go back and forth . I do like people… some…but I love love LOVE my alone time. Possibly more.
You should read party of one: the loner’s manifesto . I felt so seen !
I feel similar. It sucks because I know it's bad to be this way. Objectively, it is better to have friends and loved ones who you can rely on, and support/receive support from. Yet I have 0 motivation to make friends or engage with anyone. I have never regretted spending a night in. But I have often regretted pushing myself to be social.
I also don't miss people. Even people I love, like family. It's almost like I have object permeance issues - once someone's out of sight, I don't really think or yearn for them at all. All this to say, you're not alone. To be honest, I do think there's something wrong with me/people like us - whether it's undiagnosed autism or just a weird antisocial disorder.
Nothing wrong with that. I've limited my own friend group because I can't stand to be around people who don't get my viewpoint on a lot of things, or who I feel I have to pretend to be someone I'm not around.
Whatever is best for you, you do. I completely understand where you’re coming from. My favourite days are also the days I spend with myself, alone in the house. Though I do have a cat who’s company I very much enjoy. I’ll never judge a woman for not being in /wanting a relationship. Date yourself. You’ll get more out of it.