Alternatives to therapy?

Therapists want to make us conform to society and deradicalise us to make our lives "easier"

Do you have any formal diagnosis (I mean like ADHD, autism, CPTSD etc.) that a therapist is supposed to provide support for? I - autistic - honestly never got much from therapy, especially not from therapy provided by neurotypical therapists (which was 100% of what I had access to). It was harmful, patronizing and gaslighting at worst and comparable to a chat with a random not-so-close friend at best. Because - no matter how hard they try to and how hard I try to explain it - they don't get it. They simply don't understand. Support groups of and books by women (!) with the same condition and talking about our experiences and "hacks" to get through life helped me a lot more than any therapist ever did. Because the thing is... if your brain works differently than the brains of the majority of the population and the world is not designed for people like you, no amount of therapy speak, kind platitudes, reframing and self-gaslighting is going to change that.

Ergo: if the conditions you have to live under are the root cause of your pain and mental health problems (like poverty, illness, abuse, systemic oppression, a disability you don't get enough support with...) no amount of talk therapy with make you feel better as long as the root cause isn't solved. You can't use therapy to trick yourself into being okay and happy with a situation that is harmful and triggering for you and nobody in their right mind would be okay with. If you're homeless and starving you don't need a therapist telling you how to be okay with that situation, you need food and shelter.

So my advice is: attack the root cause. I don't know what your situation is, but if you lose your job maybe there are social benefits you can access and use to move out of your parents' house? Look for another job in your field or some kind of training to get into a different field with opportunities that pay better?

I can't afford therapy so I've been reading books written by psychology professionals. I use zlibrary through a tor app on my phone to freely download them.

The ones that I have personally enjoyed are:

1. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

2. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

3. The Complex PTSD Coping Skills Workbook

I try to make sure to check the credentials of the author and usually go for medical professionals only in medicine or psychology otherwise it'll just be a waste of time reading some guru talk about themselves. If anyone has any recommendations please let me know. I've read most of the books the FDS handbook suggested as well like 'why does he do that' by bancroft.

Therapy works if you find a good person you trust and it's the relationship itself that heals you. It's not hard to find someone you trust or someone who has psychology knowledge, but it's hard to find someone who has both and is paid to help you, unless you do therapy.

There are countless things that can help you however if you are stressed about your work situation I think it's better to focus on something more active rather than talking about things and feeling your emotions, unless there is something deep emotionally going on. Doing an activity and knowing new people that might help you find a better job, a home, opportunities will help you more than therapy imho. I did it because I had depression and anxiety very badly, when I felt a bit better I started doing something more practical. If you're already capable of working and you're not sick in bed for depression I suggest you ditch therapy for the moment and do some volunteering or something like that! Meet new people and get the ball rolling and hope for the best 🍀

*Obviously another option could be doing a course, get a degree, another project...where you might meet other colleagues

I've tried a few times and it got too expensive when I had a physical health issue (unrelated).

I was dealing with going no contact with my dead beat dad, and going low contact with a narcissistic pickme mother who kept trying to get me to give dad chances and even when she remarried kept cheating.

I moved away but made sure to cut him off, and I cut off others who weren't good people.

• I set boundaries about being no contact and in general

• I set a routine for myself everyday

• I got into Journaling

• I made sure that I clean up at least a little everyday, that I eat 3 meals a day, and that I get some type of daily exercise

• I found an online community for people who had narc /abusive parents to share and support others

• I use an app called FINCH. it's adorable, I checkout daily goals, and take care of my baby bird. It's helped me a lot

• I did have a wonderful friend who I could talk to about things and since she passed I haven't found a friend who "gets it" so ill journal to her about it.

• Taking time for a healthy hobby (that doesn't involve a screen) does wonders for me. I garden.

• I avoid substances it's helped me

• Personally I pray and take my worries/fears and talk to God about them. I then make sure to name things that went well during the day, or something I'm happy about or thankful for. I'm not super religious but prayer helped a lot of people I know. Mediation is another option that helps!

On a personal note, this year has been incredibly tough for me as well. I've been a bit of a hot mess, but what has brought me some closure is Lavendarie's Artist of Life notebook (YouTuber). It's an exploration journal that helps with organizing your thoughts, and I deeply recommend it.

Here are some examples of her workbook down below.

Just my two cents:

Have you considered examining your life through the lens of your executive functioning skills?

You can create T-Chart to identify your strengths and areas for improvement which might be helpful. Maybe even go over the results with it an Executive Functioning Coach/Therapist.

Refining these skills can sometimes assist you in moving from your current situation to where you want to be.

Additionally, you might be experiencing fatigue, depression, or some type mental health issues which can impact your executive functioning skills. Addressing these issues could help you better manage your situation and work towards your goals.

Op, hope you're doing better! Hang in there!

I feel that writing helps a lot. Google Docs, notebook, apple notes, etc.

It helps me clear out the junk out of my head and visual see it by writing it out.

ASMR videos help me, so far I like this ASMR creator.

Also, AI chats like chatgpt help as well.

Make sure you feed it lots of information on your prompt so it can actually provide you with useful information.

It depends what you're looking for. If the reason/s you're failing to launch/thrive is/are mental health related, a therapist would help. Perhaps it is the modality/diagnosis that has been stuffing you around.

If you have adhd, or trauma, or something else, each thing can be helped with different treatment modalities. eg emdr, somatics, ifs, cbt, act, and so on depending on what YOU need.

If you're mentally pretty ok, (almost everyone's got a bit of damage these days, hey? it's about whether you're coping/in control) maybe consider coaching? It gets a bit of flack on these forums, but successful people, athletes, artists etc - many have coaches to help them clarify their goals, stay focused, and motivated and accountable.

You could also considering reading self help/motivational/self development books which might inspire you, or get you asking yourself some questions to point you in a more beneficial direction. Good luck!

TLDR: I do not think there is a substitute for GOOD therapy. But you have to be ready to put in the work.

I struggled along for decades before I got therapy, carrying what felt like heavy suitcases of emotional baggage. I checked out every self help book from the library, searched the internet for every solution I could find, talked to friends and family, and made a tiny bit of progress. But I still didn’t grow as much as I wanted to. I honestly couldn’t see or fix what was actually going on.

As I was exiting an abusive relationship, it occurred to me that something was very wrong, and I was making unhealthy choices. So I bit the bullet and paid for a therapist. It was really hard (single mom, not much money, I basically put it on a credit card for the first few months). But I am SO glad I invested in myself.

She is a trauma therapist, and we used EMDR among other strategies. It took a solid three years of weekly sessions and HARD work on my part, then another few years of checkins as needed. But now I feel like a new person.

Omg I can hardly stand to see photos of myself from before therapy - I look absolutely beaten down, a total pick me, I wanted to be loved so badly. I can see it in my face, body language, clothing, even how I tilted my head. Ick.

Now, I love myself! And I see that I was accepting all the bullshit I was wading in, instead of walking on a different path. Now I can see that I deserve a beautiful life, and that I can say No to things that hurt me, and yes to things that help me. I had been trained from childhood to accept the unacceptable. But now I care for myself with kindness.

I do not think there is a substitute for good therapy. If you’ve been abused or traumatized, therapy can be incredibly healing. My therapist challenged me, said things that pissed me OFF, loved me, told me she was proud of me, reframed life circumstances for me, and stood by my side for years. I’ll always be grateful to her. 💗

And OP, once you are more healed, you will find that your career and daily life will become brighter, and more promising. You may even begin to make more money and be able to move out on your own. There may be invisible threads holding you back from believing in yourself now, that therapy could cut. I said “more healed” because honestly it takes a LONG time to heal fully, and I think healing is a journey rather than a destination. In fact, just this weekend I was struggling with a decision, and I had to mindfully choose Self Compassion instead of pushing through pain (old habits die hard).

I do want to caveat all this though! My (former) good friend (we’ll call her Laura) went to the same therapist (I referred her). Laura had lots of issues (rough childhood, kids with a child molester, difficult work environment, prickly personality). However after a few years, Laura didn’t get any better and my therapist told her to stop coming to therapy, as she wasn’t making progress. This hurt Laura’s feelings, and I encouraged her to take a break from therapy and go back when she’s ready again. But soon afterward, she and I had a falling out. I had hired her to do some contract work for me (mostly as a favor, her work wasn’t great but I was trying to lift a sister UP), and she started blaming me for her money problems. She even threatened to sue me, so I had to hire an expensive attorney. It wasn’t good. Anyway, my point is that therapy helps those who are willing to hear HARD TRUTHS, look inside, and make real changes. Don’t pay a therapist unless you are sick and tired of your life as it is, and you’ve run out of ideas for making it better.

And my therapist isn’t perfect. She’s not a pickme, but she does believe there are “good men out there,” (I’m not so sure lol), and she’s a little woowoo about her faith in a god (Judeo-Christian). So we don’t always agree on everything. But holy sh*t she really helped me! 🤩

Here are few books my therapist recommended, that may help you:

Kristen Neff - Self Compassion

Lundy Bancroft - Why Does He Do That

Gavin DeBecker - The Gift of Fear

ETA: fire any therapist you’ve tried and doesn’t work for you. You should click with your therapist and she should give you insight into your life. And you should feel love & deep acceptance from her, even when you don’t have love for yourself.

Good luck! Please keep us posted on your progress. 🍀💕🍀💕🍀💕🍀

Relative attends program to earn degree for mental health. They are required to for lack of better words parrot back to you what you said. As a person who has helped stand in as a client for their program for them to gain practice, I found them helpful finally but I told them the same thing you said, I felt gaslighted. Like help or get off the pot. I know what I think, what I'm going to do, what I need from you is help to get there. LOL You are not alone my friend. I also believe that a PsyD is much better than the therapists that are around at the Masters level (LCSW) with the frameworks they are being taught. Also, investigate the school they matriculated from, it's your mind. Don't hire the McUniversity grads, look for schools that produce quality graduates. Best of luck to you.

Go on Youtube and look up high frequency guru.

Alternate between listening to the rampages and subliminals at 2x speed depending on where you want to be.

Go through your day and evening listening to it in your background .

Watch life get better

Just do what a lot of people do and find a therapist who already agrees with everything you're doing and let them validate you every week.