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I came across this when I was in a situationship and wanted to share. It’s a plan on how to [emotionally] move through emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, infidelity, and porn use.
Here’s a list of the steps, but for the full text go to: https://www.btr.org/checklist/
[BTR feels very FDS-friendly and empowering for women - they have a ton of articles that I'm just starting tor read through.]
1. Open up to a safe person.
Someone who tells you outright (or implies) that you have any responsibility for his lies, abuse, & infidelity isn’t safe. Someone who tells you outright (or implies) that you need to endure abuse to protect & enable the abuser is not safe.
2. Make a daily self-care plan.
3. Schedule an appointment with your OB-GYN or midwife.
4. Take steps to establish a safe support network. [BTR group has a daily support group for women]
5. Stop trying to identify the cause of his abusive behaviors.
Understanding the source of his porn use or anger (shame, trauma, personality disorders, addiction, etc.) doesn’t make a significant difference in how those behaviors affect you. Seeking the source won’t empower you to stop it or heal from the trauma – it only keeps you in harm’s way.
6. Postpone couple therapy until the abusive behavior has stopped.
In cases involving abuse & porn use, there are NOT two sides of the story. There is only truth. Pornography use is NOT a couples issue – it’s an abuse issue. Emotional abuse is NOT a communication issue. Improving your communication will not stop it.
7. Explore the concept of boundaries.
8. Set boundaries to establish an emotionally safe home.
This step is a game changer. In most cases, this means requiring your husband to be 100% honest with you and everyone else. He needs to be accountable, stop his problematic behaviors completely, and make restitution to those he has harmed — beginning with you and your children.
9. Be kind to yourself.