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I am apart of a writing Discord server. Today, one of the members began making and posting videos and memes of himself showing off his workout progress (no shirt and hot pants). He is old, bald, ugly, and while in shape, this server is not the space for showing off that.
When I brought up my concerns to a (male) mod he told me that he, "didn't want to step on any toes" and "didn't want to offend him if posting said photos are a part of his culture". Excuse me? How does this make any sense? In these photos the outline of his d*ck was clearly visible.
I was floored. Our group is made up of primarily woman. In what world does posting nearly nude photos and videos of yourself not count as sexual harassment? Forcing someone to look at your body (posting to general and meme channels) when there are NSFW (granted, this is for romance and erotica writing) channels provided, IS harassment. It can be triggering to someone who has dealt with s*xual abuse, and even to those who have not.
Men never fail to surprise me with how willing they are to protect the grossest and depraved members of their gender. They're more worried about offending the person carrying out the immoral act, rather than the ones the behavior impacts the most. It gives, "Well, we don't want to ruin a young man's life because of one little r*pe".
I'm exhausted, ladies.
I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. This just happened, and I'm shaking. I feel violated.
Edit: I ended up leaving the server. There were a few comments from members expressing their confusion on why it was a big deal. The member that posted the photos/memes said, "It wasn't a big deal in the 80's." Two guys and a woman backed him up. I'll be sticking to the writing partners I have now.
Wow I had a similar experience this week that I had thought about posting about here! I was on a Discord for a specific art software, and was asking the dev questions about it. I checked out some of the other channels, where people post their art they made with the software, and there was one someone who posted an almost-naked ninja girl with GG+ breasts. Several people were making gross comments like "Her RACK 😍" and the artist saying "Yeah, in the game I'm making I am thinking of making her boob size tied to her health so they shrink as she takes damage LOL xD!!" I pinged the dev in the channel and told him he needs to ban sexist jerks and dehumanizing content like this because it's not a porn server, and then I left. This shit is just everywhere, and like you said, it is absolutely exhausting. My university Discord servers are just as bad. Awful, sexist memes everywhere that these men adore.
Discord sucks except if you can find small servers of like-minded people who will not tolerate that garbage. "Don't want to step on any toes"..... wow..... just kick him the fuck out, what an absolute coward that mod is. Sorry you had to see that garbage. :(
I would reply "lol" to his posts. If he gets mad just say it's your culture.
This is why I only get heavily involved with women's only spaces- that are for women, made by women, control and regulated by other women.
You need to make your own group, there's a difference by being made up of women & run by women. Just leave the group, why waste your time with a bottom feeder mod who probably does similar things?
so sorry. I totally do get what you are saying! Isn't literally every other forum or community in the world ok with posting photos of your body or face for the sake of thirst? I always feel so alienated by those kinds of things because I am just not motivated by sexual stuff and also ugh he sounds gross anyway.
I feel extra happy to come to a place where it's about words, advice, helping each other out without that kind of nonsense. Makes me sad. I am glad I didn't see that and hope they kick him off ASAP. "No bullshit" is what I love about FDS!
As someone who enjoys fashion/makeup forums, I see this shit on the daily. And the sad part is that people genuinely don't know that they're partaking in someone's weird humiliation fetish.
I’m in a tiny FDS gaming discord if you’re interested.