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The purpose of writing this post is to explore the very grim reality that the man sitting next to you at work who you chat with every day, the man who makes your coffee in the morning and smiles at you as he hands it to you, and the friendly men in your sporting circles probably all masturbate to porn. In our every day life, these men are not monsters - they're possibly very charming and lovely to talk to and spend time with. And yet when alone, they jerk off to videos of women in their teens and early 20s being brutalised. They might realise that what they're doing is disgusting and they might feel guilty and somewhat icky afterwards. But they keep going back for it. I'm not talking about 15 year olds who don't have fully developed brains yet; I'm talking about fully grown men all the way up to middle age and beyond.
I hate that women have to navigate this dissonance. That a perfectly lovely man who is intelligent, kind and interesting can also be a consumer of porn. I just dumped a man. There were several reasons why I dumped him, but a big one was that he told me that 'before he had met me' he masturbated a lot because he had a 'high sex drive' and this of course involved watching pornography. This man was in his late 40s. He was ashamed of his porn habit and initially I felt happy about this. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised that if he was so ashamed, he should have just stopped. If a grown adult wants to stop watching porn, he can stop.
Of course I knew the first time we had sex that he was a porn consumer. First of all, he had problems with his dick. Secondly, gone was the kind man who I had been growing to love and in his place was an animal. He knew what he was doing and apologised immediately, but the sex didn't get much better as our relationship progressed. One the one hand, he was very considerate and generous when it came to going to down on me and never demanded I go down on him, but on the other, he needed to be very rough in order to climax, and only from behind. I eventually told him this was dehumanising and I didn't like it at all, and that was pretty much the end of the relationship (among other reasons, including our increasingly clashing temperaments).
It's not fair that women have to manage and navigate this, and it makes me despair. You will understand by now that the title of my post is not meant to defend men; on the contrary, it means that the kindest men around us are probably, and inexplicably, masturbating to degrading images of women. This, no matter how lovely they are as companions, ruins them as potential partners. Some like to say that 'porn has ruined men', but men have done this to themselves. The porn industry exists because men, exercising their free will, choose to consume it.
A lot of men these days, especially younger men, dont even have the decency to be ashamed of their porn use. Thanks to dick-pandering liberalism, porn use has been nOrMaLizEd. Many men are comfortable discussing porn use with friends, with women, even in front of an audience.
I mean, the least they can do is be ashamed, and many of them cant even muster that.
This was a great read and I’m sorry you had to go through this in the first place. I was traumatised by my LV pornsick exes, but you’re right, some of the biggest betrayals have actually been the seemingly harmless men. Pre-FDS, I had some sweet supportive WHOLESOME guy friends that loved baking and karaoke. But as we got older, the red flags trickled in: dating girls much younger (some even freshly 18 🤡), odd sex/masturbation jokes and the last straw was finding out they stream p*rnhub on the TV when bored at parties. Wtf?!
The audacity! I was embarrassed and hurt to hear this as they were there for me during my hard times, breakups, milestones, etc. I raised the porn topic and they became staunchly defensive little boys, dismissing everything misogynistic and degrading about it then turned on ME and spewed the most horrible things at me for simply caring about women! They were gone from my life after that day. They chose their path.
In the West, porn consumption by men is near-universal. It's a very rare man who does not watch porn, unfortunately. It's disgusting.
Sometimes I can’t help but let my heart shatter about it, but maturing is realizing that we can live happy and fulfilling lives despite whatever evil males commit constantly. It’s just something we have to accept like we accept mortality.
>But the more I thought about it, the more I realised that if he was so ashamed, he should have just stopped. If a grown adult wants to stop watching porn, he can stop.
this. right. here.
don't you ever look down, or you'll drop your crown, QUEEN!
They have an impenetrable culture on how “normal” it is, and don’t realize that by the time we meet them, even if they did it in the past and stopped they look to us a like a man completely covered in horse shit and stinks, indefinitely. It just constantly smells. Try to hug that thing and have a life with it, you can’t. Men are ruined. They ruin themselves, their brains, their dicks, swim in shit together and keep telling each other it is ok. Many lose motivation for life. Underperform at work, or get stuck in low paying, unstable jobs.
Men really do as a whole suffer from mental illness. There is a trend, a paradime shift of men becoming more useless than they have ever been both in the home and outside. In the bedroom, and outside. where they are inch by inch becoming useless. And porn has a lot to do with it.
This is unfortunate and so true. I may be inundated with hate now, but most people have this kind of cognitive dissonance with animals as well. They will say they love animals (that is, pets) and have no problem with billions of animals living lives of pain and fear and getting brutally slaughtered. If you consume meat, then you can take a moment to put yourself in these men's shoes. They have every reason to rationalize their porn consumption: the women love it, they are getting paid, it's just "fantasy", it's "normal", "men are visual". They would never date a porn star and most would be mortified if their search history were made public, but they will come up with every excuse to justify their consumption to keep the dopamine flowing. If you are puzzled by how that is possible, then you can take a moment to contemplate your own consumption of animal products. I find the same thought patterns show up there quite often.
I honestly think not all men do it like not all men play video games but it could seem that way because a lot of them do. The men on the apps are all 100% 🌽 addicts btw
Toys over boys, if you want a family go to a sperm bank. Problem solved