One huge vetting tool that I learned too late in life is if men defend you or a random man.
A few years ago I went to what I thought was a male friend who had my back, and he essentially told me I owed the guy sex (long story) to be fair. My stomach dropped. I felt so betrayed.
Compared to my gay friend, who is the first to tell me (and other women) they don't owe men shit. My gay friend has gotten in guy's faces to protect me and has never put a man's comfort or dick ahead of my well-being. He calls out shitty male behaviour and is disgusted by men who behave poorly.
The rest of the story:" I wasn’t asking him to do anything, all I wanted was someone to talk to and offer a little emotional support, like I have done for him literally more times than I can count. . He got really mean and basically told me that it was my fault for leading the guy on, and even though I had given my friend pretty much no detail on what happened or how it went down, he kept just making these wild assumptions out of nowhere on what exactly happened and kept assuming that I didn’t say or do anything to discourage or stop this behavior, which is not even remotely true. He said some extremely cruel and heartless things to me, including telling me that he had no sympathy for me and that I got myself into this mess, and that I’m an adult and need to act like it (still unclear what the basis for this statement was.)"
I hate to say it but my immediate thought was backwards-ass jealousy even if the "friend" declined her advances. Whether or not they intend to sleep with or date a female friend, men's egos still subconsciously THRIVE on female attention and affection. He probably in a twisted way felt that this girl was flirting with this criminal as a way to "get over" or even "stick it to" him, and thus justifies the SA as punishment for this action.
At the very least it seems like he was using her for free therapy. It's not obvious from her full story whether or not this guy has shown any support for her at all in the past - it sounds to me like it was always one-sided. At worst he was keeping her around as orbiter and her being "sullied" by another man probably triggered his ego.
Whether or not they intend to sleep with or date a female friend, men's egos still subconsciously THRIVE on female attention and affection.
My thoughts exactly. Jealousy that his supply got close to someone else. He liked having her around for the ego strokes and free therapy that women (but not men) so freely offer, but he doesn't know how to care for her as a person.
DING DING DING DING DING! You got it right there! Spot on! That's what drove him to say such callous things to her. You know men - they don't want a woman but don't want her to go anywhere or be wanted by anyone else. While not wanting her, he enjoyed her female presence, attention and so on and felt that she should be punished by giving it to another guy. It's yet another one of the sick traits a lot of men have.
Unknown member
Jan 06, 2023
Replying to
The male friend is guilty of whatever SA the other guy committed. The friend isnt defending the other guy so much as he's defending himself.
Unknown member
Jan 04, 2023
My nvm "not-gay" ex boyfriend also took men's side. More than once. Most men are homosocial dicks who are desperate for other dicks. If they take the man's side - I'm out.
That poor woman!!! I feel so sad for her.My HVM friend was beyond supportive when I was sexually assaulted in my own home. He kept apologizing to me and telling me to take that guy to court and report him to the cops. That he will come with me to court or even send men to beat the shit out of him. He actually cried because he has daughters and he said I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you then he installed security sensors in my home and added extra heavy duty locks on back and main door so that no one can break into the house. He also checked on me daily and kept asking if there is anything I need or if he can help in any way. I recall one time when we were out having dinner and one of the male waiters flirted with me and he saw I was uncomfortable, he went to him and called him out on it and said that you are working at a job to serve customers and not harass them then he reported him to his manager lol. I was honestly so happy because he noticed just by my facial expression how uncomfortable I was.
wow that’s messed up. i made a post about something similar and my own personal experiences. that’s why i don’t trust men. they’re r*post if they can get you alone and find you attractive.
I read the whole story and although he doesn't like her romantically, he certainly does not like her platonically, either. Men are only around women when we have something beneficial to offer them. If there's nothing we can give them, they will leave. Men are incapable of having healthy friendships with other people unless they worked on themselves or come from an incredibly healthy environment that foster good social skills and learning how to be a good friend.
I have a feeling she was the only one in this quasi-friendship that was doing all the legwork aside from the free therapy to this scrote. Probably was the one who initiated the most contact and the most social outings with him, too.
14
Unknown member
Jan 05, 2023
Ugh this reminds me of my EX NVM who did the same shit. He told me a story about how he was at a bar with his friend and his friends GF. A random male slapped her ass, and my Ex NVM said how he and his friends were about to beat that guys ass for touching his friends GF. Fast forward a few months, I'm at a Halloween party where the exact same thing happened to me. A random guy walked by and slapped my ass! Then 1 hour later walked by and slapped my ass again! I yelled at the guy, "you need to keep you hands to yourself motherfucker!!" I then tell me ex nvm what happened and his response was, "So what did you do to make him do that? Were you flirting with him? You must have been flirting with him." Like HUH!!??! He was willing to fight a random guy who slapped the ass of his friends GF but for his own GF, it was MY fault!
Thar guy is no friend of hers. Men who aren't sexually attracted to you treat you even worse than the ones who do. He thinks so little of her that he believes she owes other men sex just because he doesn't find her attractive. Yikes. That's not a friend.
First of, I am sorry this happened to you. Truly. That man is scum. Second, your "friend". He is using you for free therapy and support. Even if he is not using you for sex, he is still using you. I have had some similar relations, where i have dated someone, they didnt like me in a romantical way, so they asked to be friends. I said "Yes", because they seemed OK. I didnt know I would be used as a fucking therapist for months, and be their whole support system. Since we didnt have sex, I thought we were friends. But nah, they only came when they need emotional support, or had a rough day, or was lonely, whatever - who cares. Men like these use women as placebo-girlfriends. They need someone to talk to, because they are too emotionaly ******** to have a bond with a male friend, and they dont want to pay for a therapist. You´ll end up spending time on these scrotes, and never ever getting what you need in return, because all they do is take. I bet they have different women on rotation, who they trauma-dump on.
.png)
One huge vetting tool that I learned too late in life is if men defend you or a random man.
A few years ago I went to what I thought was a male friend who had my back, and he essentially told me I owed the guy sex (long story) to be fair. My stomach dropped. I felt so betrayed.
Compared to my gay friend, who is the first to tell me (and other women) they don't owe men shit. My gay friend has gotten in guy's faces to protect me and has never put a man's comfort or dick ahead of my well-being. He calls out shitty male behaviour and is disgusted by men who behave poorly.
The rest of the story: " I wasn’t asking him to do anything, all I wanted was someone to talk to and offer a little emotional support, like I have done for him literally more times than I can count. . He got really mean and basically told me that it was my fault for leading the guy on, and even though I had given my friend pretty much no detail on what happened or how it went down, he kept just making these wild assumptions out of nowhere on what exactly happened and kept assuming that I didn’t say or do anything to discourage or stop this behavior, which is not even remotely true. He said some extremely cruel and heartless things to me, including telling me that he had no sympathy for me and that I got myself into this mess, and that I’m an adult and need to act like it (still unclear what the basis for this statement was.)"
I hate to say it but my immediate thought was backwards-ass jealousy even if the "friend" declined her advances. Whether or not they intend to sleep with or date a female friend, men's egos still subconsciously THRIVE on female attention and affection. He probably in a twisted way felt that this girl was flirting with this criminal as a way to "get over" or even "stick it to" him, and thus justifies the SA as punishment for this action.
At the very least it seems like he was using her for free therapy. It's not obvious from her full story whether or not this guy has shown any support for her at all in the past - it sounds to me like it was always one-sided. At worst he was keeping her around as orbiter and her being "sullied" by another man probably triggered his ego.
This poor woman.
My nvm "not-gay" ex boyfriend also took men's side. More than once. Most men are homosocial dicks who are desperate for other dicks. If they take the man's side - I'm out.
That poor woman!!! I feel so sad for her. My HVM friend was beyond supportive when I was sexually assaulted in my own home. He kept apologizing to me and telling me to take that guy to court and report him to the cops. That he will come with me to court or even send men to beat the shit out of him. He actually cried because he has daughters and he said I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you then he installed security sensors in my home and added extra heavy duty locks on back and main door so that no one can break into the house. He also checked on me daily and kept asking if there is anything I need or if he can help in any way. I recall one time when we were out having dinner and one of the male waiters flirted with me and he saw I was uncomfortable, he went to him and called him out on it and said that you are working at a job to serve customers and not harass them then he reported him to his manager lol. I was honestly so happy because he noticed just by my facial expression how uncomfortable I was.
wow that’s messed up. i made a post about something similar and my own personal experiences. that’s why i don’t trust men. they’re r*post if they can get you alone and find you attractive.
I read the whole story and although he doesn't like her romantically, he certainly does not like her platonically, either. Men are only around women when we have something beneficial to offer them. If there's nothing we can give them, they will leave. Men are incapable of having healthy friendships with other people unless they worked on themselves or come from an incredibly healthy environment that foster good social skills and learning how to be a good friend.
I have a feeling she was the only one in this quasi-friendship that was doing all the legwork aside from the free therapy to this scrote. Probably was the one who initiated the most contact and the most social outings with him, too.
Ugh this reminds me of my EX NVM who did the same shit. He told me a story about how he was at a bar with his friend and his friends GF. A random male slapped her ass, and my Ex NVM said how he and his friends were about to beat that guys ass for touching his friends GF. Fast forward a few months, I'm at a Halloween party where the exact same thing happened to me. A random guy walked by and slapped my ass! Then 1 hour later walked by and slapped my ass again! I yelled at the guy, "you need to keep you hands to yourself motherfucker!!" I then tell me ex nvm what happened and his response was, "So what did you do to make him do that? Were you flirting with him? You must have been flirting with him." Like HUH!!??! He was willing to fight a random guy who slapped the ass of his friends GF but for his own GF, it was MY fault!
Thar guy is no friend of hers. Men who aren't sexually attracted to you treat you even worse than the ones who do. He thinks so little of her that he believes she owes other men sex just because he doesn't find her attractive. Yikes. That's not a friend.
First of, I am sorry this happened to you. Truly. That man is scum. Second, your "friend". He is using you for free therapy and support. Even if he is not using you for sex, he is still using you. I have had some similar relations, where i have dated someone, they didnt like me in a romantical way, so they asked to be friends. I said "Yes", because they seemed OK. I didnt know I would be used as a fucking therapist for months, and be their whole support system. Since we didnt have sex, I thought we were friends. But nah, they only came when they need emotional support, or had a rough day, or was lonely, whatever - who cares. Men like these use women as placebo-girlfriends. They need someone to talk to, because they are too emotionaly ******** to have a bond with a male friend, and they dont want to pay for a therapist. You´ll end up spending time on these scrotes, and never ever getting what you need in return, because all they do is take. I bet they have different women on rotation, who they trauma-dump on.