Male sexuality is inherently sadistic and that is the hill I will die on

The fact that spitting, choking, hair pulling and slapping is so prevalent in heterosexual porn is quite telling.

And that's not even getting into outright bdsm...

.

This is similar to what was mentioned in Lundy's book. It's what made them feel/think they're not rapists or not abusers - it's like this line between what's acceptable and what is considered abusive - and it changes for each men, or in each situation. Physically abusing their girlfriend is not okay, unless she caused him to do it. Or "at least I only slap her - real abusers cause brusies." etc.

They come up with their own logic on why they aren't an abuser.