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I wanted to talk about all the subtle ways you can notice that a man watches a lot of porn. I have realized that I notice because I shamefully used to watch a lot of it as a teenager (ADHDer with poor impulse control, ugh) and saw how boys and men would replicate pornographic behaviors.
One example was a classmate of mine who seemed to have a crush on me. Sometimes when I would sit next to him in class he would roll up a sheet of paper, similar to a tube and would gently hit my face with it. I would at most find in annoying but didnt think much of it. After a couple of times though I realized that he was pretending the paper was his p*nis and he is smacking my face with it. He would even have a super intrigued facial expression doing it. Yikes.
It gets worse though, on a school trip he sexually harassed me IN PUBLIC, next to everyone we know. He was sitting next to me and my female friend on the train when one of his friends said something like " Wow, surrounded by girls I see". Which lead to him laughing, grabbing my head and shoving it towards his crotch. It was so humiliating and disrespectful, for days I couldnt even look at him. When I spoke to him about it, I told him he is only forgiven if he never ever does it to any one ever again, he said "except for my girlfriend right".....I am so done. I was young and didnt realize that you cant reason with porn sickness.
This was one of the first times I made the connection that porn leads to danger and that I am incredibly unaware of how big a problem I am actually dealing with.
I thought of making this post a) to talk to someone about my experience and b) to make women aware of other signs of porn sickness that they might not be aware of. If you have a personal anecdote, feel free to share.
Male depravity is so common, its sadly so difficult to see it for what it is sometimes. While writing this post I thought of so many examples where men said weird things and I thought it was normal because they are men. We would even joke about it. It's horrifying, I was a really self aware and mature kid and questioned what was taught to me all the time, but I was still so blind to this
Such helpful anecdotes and conversation, thank you! It is so difficult to vet for this, yet so important.
Signs that I have unfortunately experienced:
- Expects to receive oral but doesn’t like giving it
- Regularly suggests anal, even when he knows I’m not interested
- Not being able to get hard, or resorting to death-grip stroking to get himself hard (rather than naturally being hard simply from intimacy and foreplay)
- Lasting TOO long where I want it to be over but he can’t/won’t finish, for like an hour, causing me to be sore and chafed
- Letting me catch him watching it, or even showing it to me or sending me links, with the expectation that I’ll like it or he wants to show me what he likes. Telling me about his favorite categories
- Into kink, BDSM, “dominating” me, degrading me
- Ice-cold indifference to my discomfort or pain during sex, like it’s an inconvenience to him
- Annoyance when he’s horny and I’m not in the mood, will resort to pestering me or sulking
I used to think it was “no big deal” as long as I liked our sex life. In retrospect, it was harming me in ways I couldn’t even see at the time, because I’d never been with someone who didn’t watch it and wasn’t corrupted in that way.
My boyfriend now does not watch it, and he gets hard quickly with me, loves giving even more than receiving, loves pleasuring me in ways that don’t involve penetration, goes down on me knowing I won’t reciprocate, only says loving things during sex, and has expressed disgust at anal. I would say he’s “normal,” but actually men being pornsick and misogynistic is normal. You have to vet ruthlessly to find a sexually generous and well-adjusted man. If you don’t, you’re in store for misery, objectification, dissatisfaction, disrespect, and long-lasting physical and emotional trauma.
- Making sexual comments frequently when there's no sexual context whatsoever
- Casting almost every woman they meet and especially their partners as various porn tropes
- Wanting to do roleplay
- Being obsessed with typical porn moves like aggressive blow jobs, doggy style, slapping, hair pulling...
- acts like there's a camera when in bed, makes excessive use of any mirrors present
- objectifying comments about your body which sound like they're bragging to another man about you
- thinks about sex all the time
- needs "variety"
- wants you to over-act your pleasure to stroke his ego, but doesn't really care about what you actually like
- completely focused on his dick and wants it worshipped
- wonders about other people's sex lives way too much
- laughs at bad dirty jokes
- dead eyes, blank stare
- other addictive and often aggressive behaviors (my ex was a workaholic, enormously competitive and verbally abusive)
- comes too quickly or has a hard time getting it up
- needs rigorous stimulation, obsessed with "tightness"
- thinks women actually enjoy pain in bed and resents you if you don't
- needs a power dynamic to be excited (my ex always wanted e a strong character he could "break" or be in a very submissive position, and when it didn't work, he acted extremely submissively himself, ew)
- thinks other men "get to do" more in bed than he does so he's always trying to paint you as a prude for not agreeing to kinky shit
ETA: also, the absence of these things doesn't rule out porn brain entirely. Many men only come out with their nasty language and desires when they've hooked you. The best sign of healthy sexuality is the active but not hyperbolic opposal to porn tropes. For example, my partner actively dislikes blowjobs, doesn't want me drenched in cum, doesn't like mechanical sex and always wants us to kiss and caress each other, etc. But on the other hand he doesn't try to desperately prove to me that he's not a pervert, which would be a red flag. He's just normal about it and genuinely uncomfortable with unnatural, staged, porny stuff.
--> If they sexualise all kinds of uniforms: policewomen, waitress, librarian etc. Their pornfried brain immediately thinks of some stupid role playing shit instead of women doing their jobs.
--> Beg for anal/oral all the time.
Hi,
My thoughts from my experience are:
Language: before any sex occurs listen carefully to language. They may say things like 'money shot' or 'hot' etc. I know these things occur in many films etc but it shows they are likely reinforced though porn watching.
Notice how they talk about women and if they use derogatory language. The brain is changed by a lot of porn and there are many giveaways in the TV they watch and the way they look at women.
Asking for or intrigued by certain sex acts and wanting to try them even if they don't push for it out right.
If sex does occur you will know immediately by the following:
Pumping action with little thought to intimacy or how women may enjoy the experience.
Spitting into the vagina
The bum stoke and then slap
Being able to pump for quite a long period of time, unusual amount, shows they are masturbating regularly
Focus on doing multiple positions
Interested in anal sex but may pretend not to be
May use twitch to masturbate to women
I could go on. It you say you've watched enough porn yourself.
Sorry for some graphic details but I'm trying to give you some ideas. The best advice I read on here though is to pretend an interest yourself and act very casual as if you are a fan and they may tell you straight up so you don't ever have the humiliation of consenting to sex with someone who has become sick from porn consumption. Good luck.
Signs when you’re not sleeping with him yet:
* objectifies any and all women
* rates all the women he sees
* makes inappropriate comments about young girls
* stares weird or tries not to stare at young girls
*stares weird at women with “porn makeup” (giant false lashes, tons of eye makeup, big lips, extra long false nails)
* uses sexual innuendo in most conversations
* touches you without consent when you don’t know him well
* tells you he only dates women who shave/wax their vagina (but tells you in text before the date or during the 1st or 2nd date)
* obsessed with breasts and/or butts
* immediately tries to get you into bed (wants drink dates, late night dates, wants you to “hang” at his place, tries to get you alone & away from public spaces too soon while dating)
* is a man
* has a pulse
Signs when you’re in a relationship:
* Has trouble getting and keeping an erection
* Has trouble finishing
* pressures you for anal
* won’t give you oral sex but expects you to
* won’t give you orgasms but expects you to
* zero foreplay
* zero romance (only lovebombing)
* his penis is curved weird, has scar tissue, has a big bump in it’s shape
* he gets aroused when you cry
* he spends abnormal amounts of time in the bathroom, might even claim it’s ibs
* is irritable often for seemingly no reason (he’s an addict who can’t get his fix when you’re around)
Basically anytime I get the ick it's because the man I'm talking to is pornsick. Here's the various signs I've experienced in the past that caused it;
Tries to turn the conversation towards sex far too soon (he's obsessed).
Asks for nudes or sends a dick pic.
Won't take no for an answer, tries to reason or cajole you into something after you've said no.
Dead eyed stare that creeps you out.
Poor impulse control (sometimes it's like watching a drug addict).
Uses derogatory language as if it's normal.
Is condescending to you when you call him out on any bad behavior.
Any mention of the word 'vanilla' in a negative way.
Expects blowjobs or anal.
Tries to tell you that your discomfort is just cause you're a prude or you haven't done the thing that gives you the ick with someone who knows what they're doing (he always means him 🙄).
Seems to think you should be ready for sex at any given moment and gets pouty or pushy when you deny him.
Seems to have NO CLUE how the female body really works, gets mad when you get your period or makes any disparaging remark about it (he only sees you as a sex toy and is annoyed when you're out of commission for that).
Makes ANY comment about lesbians/bisexuals in a sexual way (for instance, thinks they just haven't found the right man i.e. golden dick syndrome).
Loves Suicide Squad, Wolf of Wall Street, or any movie that's extremely sexually explicit Or women are fetishized. Wants to watch them with you (thinks you'll be turned on by it too).
Can't get hard or only gets partially hard from foreplay (the good men can get rock hard just from some teasing).
Suggests risky stuff like sex in an elevator, car, etc.
Sexualises ANYTHING a bit too much, like glasses, pigtails, plaid skirts, uniforms, etc.
Fetishizes anything about you (like for me, it's my blonde hair or my wide hips that they always go out of their way to comment on and that's how I know to yeet them).
•wants oral with him standing and you kneeling
•always works his way back to the butt
•reacts to women crying as though he’s aroused
•likes anime (he could just like it for its own sake, but doubtful)
•says the word “vanilla”
•”jokes” about threesomes or “sharing you”
•uses phrases like “put out” or “score”
•likes seeing semen on you
•wants to film you
I may be imagining it but I can tell just by looking at their dumpy weak disposition and see that they have zero integrity remaining in their souls. A strong gust of wind would blow their shameful asses right over.
Everyone already got most of mine, but another I've noticed is how much they focus on your whole body during sex/understand sensuality vs. think of sex as "push button A to get action B to happen". I've found the former in people who experimented with sex organically as they grew up, and the latter in people raised on porn.
Like if they're fingering you are they literally just diddling as hard and fast as they can exactly on your clit the entire time, or during PIV just pumping away and staring into the distance? Green flag version would be if they vary how firm or soft their touch is, if they understand and pay attention to other erogenous zones besides just your vagina and nipples (and appreciate the same when they're on the receiving end of touch).
“F*ck me back!!” BOY BYE!!
And porn-induced erectile dysfunction. 😵🪦
Another big one is whether he believes "fantasies" are fine because they're not real. This also applies to all media in general, so you can vet for thoughts about porn without asking about it directly. I don't consume violent games or movies because they are horrific and I don't want to be desensitized to them, whereas most men I've met can dissociate way too easily. My partner is the first one who is actually very selective about what kind of "extreme" stuff he watches (basically none). For example he stopped watching GoT because he found it too jarring. To finish up the storyline he watched supercuts of important plot points (sans gore/sex) on YouTube lol.
Obsessed with his cum/dick. During sex talks about where he’s going to cum (on your body). Completely disregulated if he thinks he not ‘getting enough’…sulks, passive anger, stops engaging or doing anything around the house. I could go on and on with a lifetime of BS. Girls learn these signs and don’t marry the guy like I did. Wish I had FDS when I was young as I was subjected to most of the behaviours I see on this list but was conditioned to tamp down my natural ick and think I was the problem!
So difficult to read all of these without starting to cry -- but I need to add -- any man who insists on having a bright light on during sex -- or who seems fixated on the color of your genitals (how "pink" they are -- he seems to think this indicates they are less "used") -- or who asks every time if you "squirted" -- or who pressures you into anal -- all while laughingly denying porn use even though these are super obvious signs.
There was a guy I used to text. He told me he stopped watching porn but I don’t believe him. He is porn sick. Like the moment he turned a casual convo to about sex and dick sizes, I texted him less until it was good fking riddance.
when i was around 18, i had a group of friends i met online. we connected because we all liked naruto very much. there were onl two girls in the group and i was the older member. so you can imagine the types of things i had to deal with during our frequent conversations online (who here remembers msn??). well, i remember there was this one boy i had a crush on and sometimes when we all met in person to eat and chat, he would randomly grab my had and move it forward and backward, as if i was giving some invisible dude a blowjob. like, out of the blue. no context. he would just do that. and he wans't even into me. i mean, thankfully... can you imagine what he wuld have done to me if he wanted to havr sex with me?? EW! at least he had the excuse of being a brinaless teenager. but we all know men never really grow up, so...
oh, there is one sign i haven't seen anyone comment here: he is suspisciously sympathetic/empathic to you when you share something hurtful from past relationships (i'm assuming you'll share some intimate stuff at some point if you've been seeing each other for a while and before having sex for the first time). i've met perverts who do that to "connect" and get to the sex faster.
i feel like i have to hide everything from men in order to protect myself, but then the dating and geting to know experience gets so boring or stressful that it's just not worth the trouble. i feel like there's no way to know for sure if a man i truly HV, so why even bother to look for one?
Even the little comments is an indication. I didn't even have to ask a guy because he made so many innuendo comments towards me and my friends about how my friend looks like she would dominate him, one time he joked saying something like "top and bottom" and looked at me. I played dumb and then told him I didn't want to go another date
Sorry I realise they may not be 'subtle'.