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I'm someone who, when they eat out somewhere and get bloated (or have to sit for a long time), would much rather be sitting/eating in dress than in pants or anything whose waist I can feel getting tighter against my body as I bloat. I wear comfortable underwear, so that the bloat doesn't affect the feel of that. I also think I look better in dresses and I feel happier about my appearance in them, and for me that says a lot because I have had problems with self-esteem for as long as I can remember. But I do get worried about something. "They say" that women who wear clothing that is "easier to remove" are more appealing targets for men who search out rape victims. All the rapist has to do is lift up my dress and pull down my underwear and I'm doomed. Sure, I could wear some sort of shapewear under the dress or some shorts, but that defies my purpose of wearing the dress (i.e. not feel my bloat as badly).
(Slight digression - I've always worn my hair in a long ponytail for almost 30 years, yet they say "long-haired women" are more prone to being rape victims - but I don't think it makes much of a difference what your hair length is, IMHO)
Given that women have been wearing dresses of various lengths for ages, I wish I were not burdened with this fear, since it goes without saying I'm not the first woman to wear a dress and certainly won't be the last. I search for dresses that go below my knee (middle of the lower calf) or to my ankle because I feel they look better on me (I'm tall).
Also, when I go grocery shopping, I tend to wear pants/shirts, unless I went somewhere before that, where I preferred wearing a dress for whatever reason.
Wear the dresses.
Rapists look for easy targets. There are many factors — hair style that's easy to grab, easy to remove clothes — rapists use to select their victim at the moment. Some factors — height, alertness, environment — are more of a deterent than others.
You won't suddenly become a target by wearing a dress. You could always get a necklace knife or something to make you feel more comfortable as you venture out in your frocks.
I can totally relate. I only wear dresses if I know I’ll be around other people I trust, and I’m travelling by car or not that far. Other than those tips, what if you wore maxi dresses? The really long ones as opposed to mini or midi.
It’s sad we feel this way, and I know we should be able to wear whatever we want but the reality is men fucking suck and they don’t care. The other thing is unwanted attention... even if we aren't attacked I definitely get more stares and catcalls in a dress which I don't want to deal with either.
Use your experience as data in a cost/benefit analysis. How many times have you been attacked and raped by a man while wearing a skirt vs. the number of times that you've worn a skirt incident-free? What are the chances that being comfortable today is going to get you raped? Under normal circumstances (e.g. you're not a prostitute), the probability of getting raped any day rounds down to 0%, no matter what you're wearing. So go ahead and wear the skirt.
I've never thought about in this way before, of being fearful to wear a dress. But I guess I've been subconsciously protecting myself because I always wear shape wear with dresses. I feel naked without it. Plus just the wind blowing the dress up is annoying. But yes I suppose I, too, have been feeling subconsciously fearful. Inlove wearing dresses and only do so in the summer as I live in a cold climate area.
Trigger warnings for the link below. It's heartbreaking.
There are exhibits of rape victim's clothing that show it truly doesn't matter what you're wearing. So wear the skirts and dresses. I think it's more a lack of situational awareness or distractions like phones that make us targets than what we wear.
The things that make me feel unsafe are heels I cannot run or fight in, a purse that can be grabbed, and oversize earrings that can get ripped out. My hair is blonde and VERY long and people have tried to grab it just randomly in public, especially if it's down and flowing, but I have MAJOR issues with people invading my personal space and a growling murder stare is usually enough to make them back tf up. For me skirts are reserved for formal events and costume events (I used to do a lot of living history and reenacting). I also always wear a pair of little bike shorts or high waisted shapewear under my skirts because THIGHS, and never felt unsafe because of the dress/skirt.
You could start out with rompers. There are also jumpsuits that give the illusion of dresses too. Depending on the style they won’t cinch your waist.
I shad this fear that people would see my lady bits even with underwear (you never know since underwear gives wedgies), but one of my girlfriends wore loose fitting shorts underneath her maxi dress and shirt skirts so I did the same and got over it.
I usually wear mid length or maxi dresses. When I feel uncomfortable, I wear shorts under.
Slight switch of topics, I did a post a while back about going to a free self defense class hosted by policewoman on their free time (of course the department and male police officers felt no need to pay them or make this official), it was liberating, seeing so many women there for the same reason. I recommend checking out if something like that exists.
If not, Krav Maga is fantastic, I would even recommend it if you do have the free session available. One can never feel too secure. I am fearful when going to other countries, but this has made me feel more secure on my own in the neighbourhood.