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I wanted to share some more thoughts about personal presentation and women's place in society. This will touch on the ways which we signal our social class as well as our self-worth - two separate concepts which may overlap, or may not. A caveat: I will be making generalisations here, and my attempts are not to cast judgement on women - rather to highlight women's relationship between financial position, clothing and men.
I have grown up amongst people from both low and high socio-economic positions.
Whilst not uniform, it is observable that women from high socio-economic backgrounds tend to dress more conservatively - by this, in my culture, you will see them wearing a dress which may be just above the knee, modest cleavage, usually shoulders covered, although not always; or jeans/slacks and a blouse for more casual look. There are variations and it isn't strict, but typically the rule of "showing one area" and covering the rest is followed. The other observation is that these women can afford higher quality, well designed pieces - the key here is that there is lining to the fabric so it is never sheer to the point of showing the private areas, and there is usually more fabric in general to cover the body.
Comparatively, in lower socio-economic circles, I regularly see women and teenaged girls wearing thin, see-through clothing, lower quality materials which aren't flattering on the body, and the pieces are smaller - it costs less to produce, so we have the singlet tops and crop tops which are akin to bras. I've even seen actual bras quite frequently lately... Alongside tracksuit style short-shorts which are then flipped over to make them even smaller.
There are also differences such as lower class women tend to pay for expensive fake nails and bleached hair, whereas higher will have plain or even bare nails and hair. This "beauty standard" really frustrates me as it is economically disempowering for women to "invest" in their looks when their financial situation is not secure; I would love nothing more than for these women to save their money.
My point is not to judge women for their clothing choices, but to interrogate how the male gaze plays into this.
When I was a student and unsure of my career prospects, I was deeply concerned that I would never be able to have my own house without a man. I was worried that I couldn't pay the bills. I genuinely believed that I needed a man for my financial security, and given that women earn 70% to the man's dollar, alongside all of the other reasons we know, it is a genuine fear that most women will experience. Women who have grown up in poverty or low socioeconomic families will feel this fear immensely.
This has me thinking about how women's presentation through clothing signals social class, but it also signals an important message to men:
When a woman is dressed to reveal as much of her body as possible, particularly when her clothes are of poor quality and fit, my impression is that she sends a signal that she is for sale. This would attract "LVM" but repel HVM.
By contrast, when a woman is dressed properly - that is, according to her culture, and not necessarily conservatively, but with decorum - a man sees that she is not looking to be dependent on a male financially. She is sufficient, she knows her worth, and she will gain the respect and attention of men we deem "HVM".
I hope that this post won't be controversial - I don't intend to judge women at all, and I think women should do as we please and dress how we like. My intent here is to try and uncover the relationship between our position in society as women, and the message we send about our self-worth through our clothing.
The way I always try to untangle this in my head is by reminding myself that men, generally, do not wear revealing clothes to make themselves "sexy" to women - it's almost like they are systematically at a financial advantage to us.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts!
For people on a low budget like me or even for those who can afford more, I recommend buying second-hand clothes and thrift stores as it is more ecological for the planet and you can find lots of beautiful pieces made of good quality for cheap. I also advise you to avoid wearing anything that is 100% polyester or polyamide and things like that and rather advise you to wear clothes that are 100% cotton or have no more than 20% synthetical fibers in it particulary because sometimes the garment can be more sustainable thanks to these mixtures, and also clothes made of natural fibers. Soft, light, and highly absorbent, cotton makes comfortable, classy, healthy fabrics for all ages. This natural, hypoallergenic, soft fabric is considered best for a new baby's smooth skin. Cotton clothing is great for those with hot flashes as the fabric helps with temperature regulation. I thought I naturally sweated a lot when I wore clothes made of polyester ect but once I switched to cotton it stopped and I don't sweat as much.
Part of my level up journey was learning how to not dress like a hippie, lol, so no judgement here. I want to add that how you dress and how you are judged for it can be dependent on where you live. I kept being unhappy with how people treated me after I moved and realized my boho west coast look was appearing as hippie in my east coast region. On the west coast it may be an accepted look of artsy wealth and eco-consciousness, but where I moved to it wasn’t recognized at all and unceremoniously dumped into the hippie category —unfortunately for me “hippie” out here means poverty and trash to the locals. It also meant broke hippie men were the only ones approaching me. Ew.
After I switched to casual conservative and preppy clothes with matching hair & makeup —I was suddenly treated leagues better and the broke hippie men wouldn‘t even make eye contact with me. There’s something to be said for fitting in sometimes. It can get you better treatment and better opportunities even if it’s not your preference, but what “fitting in” consists of is going to differ wildly based on your location.
I now love dressing elegant and looking hot without trying too hard like I was in my pickme days: crop tops, leather pants etc
People treat me better and I no longer attract attention from garbage men who want an easy pump and dump.
I feel loads better too! Dressing more “conservatively” doesn’t have to be boring. Find good quality cute tops with pencil skirts or sleek dresses that don’t have your ass hanging out. Like others said, I have found quality brand name clothing in thrift shops for cheap!
When I started my level up journey this realization hit me like a truck. Because I kept thinking “my standards have changed, why am I not seeing results?” It was the excessive lashes, crazy nail art trends, etc… and overdone make up.
Once in my pickme era I was mad at my bf and dressed sexy to go out. A male cashier blocked my aisle to ask for my number… Broke dusty working at a supermarket actually BLOCKED my path when I had a full cart and a bunch of bags! Didn’t even offer to help. I had to push around him and I was also on the phone too! And instead of my ass getting angry, I was like “oh sorry, I’m taken.” 🙄 I should’ve said nothing and reported him.
Anyway I tested this dress theory at another local store. Wore a tight fitting dress and all the men in the lot were staring. Wore a classy dress covering everything except my shoulders and clavicle, and… nothing. Left my ass alone.
So ladies, the dusties will always have the audacity but yes, what you wear can help deter most depending on the space you’re in.
It's a good conversation. I'll speak to one thing you wrote: "my impression is that she sends a signal that she is for sale. " She is not sending signals by her dress. This notion is pure projection by male gaze and patriarchal mentality (coming from men and women). This is almost like saying: 'She asked for it'. She is not sending signals simply by effect of her dress code (though she may choose to intentionally send signals, in that dress code, and that is something else). A women's body is her own. She should not have to police her dress. And she should be free to safely explore whatever attire/style she wishes. It grinds me endlessly that wearing more 'conservative' attire is seen as being more 'high value' because it is the epitome of narcissism. On one level its about how much skin you show = how sexually available you are which is nonsense.
AND, I can't deny that it (conservative dress) helps to keep at bay more men's unhinged thoughts and behaviours. It's like, 'out of sight, out of mind'. But they will still find ways to sexualise you regardless. It is something I personally struggle with, because ,while I never dressed 'trashy', I always put comfort above conservatism, and I adore colours, and patterns. Wearing less of these things (especially, as one other poster shared, 'fitting in') and with common/more regular cuts/designs etc, attracts less negative unwanted attention and delusional projection, from both genders. However, there are contexts where the male gaze and projection (and the obsession with monotone) is less severe, and it is safer to be more myself, in terms of my dress, and for those spaces I am grateful. Though they are not many. Yet. If I recall correctly, there have been studies/surveys done by rape victims where they were all asked 'what were you wearing?'. And the results showed that it really didn't matter what they were wearing. More conservative/less sexy revealing dress did not deter their rapist. This post is controversial, but not because of anything you have said or done. But because the topic is insane and controversial in and of itself. It is a very obvious example of women's second-class (or less) status. I'm personally in the process of evolving my wardrobe, partly because of this issue, and also partly because of a natural evolution as I am getting older now, and also living in a City/urban area full time at this time.
I feel like lower socioeconomic status women bought hard into the idea that constantly exposing yourself as sexual is "empowering."
In my country (not America) they walk around in minimal clothes and openly brag about how many men they fucked. They believe they are showing the middle finger to the "sexist society" and asserting their value as women.
Unfortunately, that's not what happens. They just reward men who don't give a shit about them with sex. By the time they are 20, they have 4 children with different men and are in a civil union with some useless dreg who abuses the children. This makes it really hard for her to break out of the cycle of poverty.
Most counter measures are conservative in nature and focus on what women should do. They should abstain from sex until they are older, they shouldn't sleep around, etc. These are women yearning for feminine freedom, so it's no surprise it's ineffective.
I think a better approach is to explain male nature, how they're giving sex to men who don't give a shit about them, how men will use them, how men will be very eager to bang them, but then look down on them because they're "easy."
Even if the woman dresses in crop tops and shirts because she likes to wear this type of clothing, she will be sexualized by men unfortunately. I've always hated trends because there's no originality, no style and everyone wears the same thing and fast fashion because they produce shitty quality clothes that don't last and whose style I also hate. My personal opinion is that revealing clothes are not pretty, I find that a woman who's dressed and covered is much prettier than a woman who shows skin. Here are examples of styles that I love and some of them that I dress myself, it's elegant and classy.