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*Bit of a rant here*
I discovered FDS my senior year of college and since then I have finally been able to understand and unpack how pervasive misogyny is throughout society.
This has led me to looking at the actions and behaviors of those around much differently.
Many of the things that would casually go over my head now stand out to me like giant red flags- like the idea of "50/50", the normalization of porn and porn addiction, the promotion of casual sex while wildly under-emphasizing the risks specifically for women.
One area where I now look at things from a completely different worldview involves the dynamics I see in my own family.
Long story short, I'm one of the youngest adults (early 20s here) in my family of mostly women but I have a deeper understanding of misogyny and society than most of my elders, like my aunts, older sisters, dad, etc.
That's not to imply that they are stupid or anything - not at all. I think I was just lucky enough to have access to more information and at a younger age than them. Like I was able to get a head start on unlearning the bulls**t whereas I have 30+ year old sisters who still don't get it and other women family members who are 40+ and still have tons of unaddressed internalized misogyny.
I'm so glad to have an understanding of how misogyny affects society and how it is baked into so many different things (science, entertainment, career development, women's health outcomes).
However, it can be isolating to feel like there is little chance that your elders will ever unlearn toxic beliefs and internalized misogyny.
I've basically stopped participating in any conversations about misogyny, feminism, etc. with my family in order to avoid draining arguments filled with misinformation. I'm sure this isn't an uncommon experience for other FDSers.
To that end, how have you ladies navigated having to distance yourselves from family or friends- especially older women in your family whom you were once very close too? Do you just grey rock them or pretend to agree with their opinions to "keep the peace"?
I think this experience really makes itself known around this time of year as well. Some of the same family members that I used to look forward to ringing in the new year with are now the same people that I am considering going low contact with moving forward.
Many women (especially older ones) uphold patriarchal systems because it's what they know and because it was quite dangerous or damaging to disrupt that. So it's not surprising that they expect you to follow the pack, so to speak. Humans tend to do that. But to enact change for the better, newer generations have to resist the worst impulses of their elders - and themselves.
Personally I have no problem fighting back against backward ideologies. I've done with my own mother, whom I consider to be a best friend. I love my mom. But she's a boomer. She has a lot of non-FDS opinions and ideas in many regards. Keep the peace where you can, but be absolute where you make your boundaries and keep to your moral compass. If I had done what people wanted me to do I'd probably be in a resentful, loveless marriage to a guy I dated out of convenience, cleaning up after my husband and children like many of my peers. I *could* have done that. I absolutely didn't want it and I didn't love any of those men I dated. I also didn't respect them. If I'm single forever, so be it. Single women are the happiest demographic in the world. :)
I have this problem with women in my family too. They’re all pickmes and they all have been subjected to things like the “PorN iS normAl. Every Guy watChes pOrn” movement. I used to tell my family how I felt about things like porn and how harmful it is towards women. No one seemed to care. I don’t pretend to agree with my family, but I also don’t state my opinion anymore after it being shut down several times. It used to upset me, but I don’t really care too much anymore
Limit your interactions with them and be very formal. If they start talk about things you don’t agree with, just leave.
Honestly your relationships are none of these people's business, and how you choose to conduct them. I mean, they are family, and you may wish to stay in contact, but you don't need to discuss your relationships.
I’m old enough to be your mom, and I’m at an age where I’m more permitted than maybe I ever have been to just not engage with PickMe people. And I love it here. Feminism is a lot more discussed these days. There is more access to FDS truths. I bet more people your age would agree with you on matters of self-respect than you might think. We have to accept that not everyone is going to support our level up journey. However, if someone asks you and genuinely wants your advice, introduce them to FDS. You don’t need anyone’s consent to be a badass. 🥰
I'm experiencing a similar thing. I feel especially bad for my pickme younger sister, she's in a bad place. When I reach out to help her, she emotionally abuses me, so I end up distancing myself from her.