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Oneof the main reasons I joined and stuck with FDS is the focus on decentring men and levelling up as a person. I've learned so much over the years from other women on here so I thought I'd try giving some of that back to the community!
I know someone did a post like this before but it was mainly dating related. It got me thinking, what are the things women on here would tell their younger selves that were career-related, or about levelling up/self-improvement in general?
Here's my own list -
•Perseverance is essential - in terms of applying for better jobs and also going for promotions. Complacency can be the difference between a fulfilling, well paid career that stimulates you intellectually and a monotonous, badly paid job that overworks you.
•Thinking about the colour of my outfits more. When I was younger, I pretty much threw on whatever. I didn't really think about the colours and whether they clashed or whether they suited my complexion. Finding out more about which colours suit me has really helped with looking professional and how I'm perceived by other people. A good trick is to only wear a couple of items in the same bright colour, with everything else in the same neutral shade.
•During my degree - to start seriously applying for jobs early, before I left uni. Because I didn't, I went through an awkward limbo of being unemployed after graduating, while applying like mad and feeling like I was wasting valuable time.
•Two words - period pants! Honestly, they've really helped me to go from dreading my period every month to actually accepting it.
•Adopting a genuine good skincare regime, as opposed to overusing make up.
•Always maintain your personal hobbies! It can be tempting when you're busy with work or study to drop your hobbies if you don't have time for them but this will be damaging for your mental health im general. Make extra time for your hobbies, even if it's just clearing a weekend or having a few days off for them.
•Planning and preparing meals in advance. This is great for healthy eating as it reduces snacking and potentially binging on junk food when you're hungry and have nothing else to eat quickly. It also savesa lot of money. I cook everything in one go over the weekend and stack it up in my fridge for easy access over the week in packed lunches etc.
Post anything you think fits the general idea and hopefully we can make a good levelling up resource!
Don't send nudes. Ever. These men don't respect you and are laughing at you.
Don't give ugly guys a chance. They don't deserve you and sometimes ugly is a choice.
You're not too sensitive or over dramatic. That "joke" is not funny and you know it.
Block and delete a the bare minimum sign of disrespect. Dick is abundant and low value.
Cultivate more female friends.
1) GIRL, EAT. you're a lot more vulnerable when your brain isn't fueled properly. CARBOHYDRATES ARE YOUR FRIENDS. eat enough protein. fat is not the enemy.
2) grow a spine. not all people are looking out for your best interests.
3) "no" is a complete sentence. use it often.
3) you do not need to merge with every guy you date. keep your boundaries, develop separate interests. as soon as you start to feel like you're doing all of the same things as him, IT'S TIME TO SEPARATE.
4) LIFT HEAVY WEIGHTS. and maybe learn martial arts.
5) wake up early, go to bed early. stay away from alcohol, it really doesn't do you any good.
6) you're stronger and more courageous than you think. dream big!
7) reverse engineer your goals. whatever you hope to achieve can manifest according to specific steps. there might be setbacks, and it might take more time, energy and money than you planned for, but you will get there. just know that there is no "there" there, and once the goal is achieved, you'll want something else.
8) do not roll with men more than 3 - 4 years older than you.
9) it's okay to change your mind, but stick to your discipline.
10) things that you loved to do when you were a child will keep you sane in adulthood: coloring, drawing, making puzzles, being outside, swimming, gardening, daydreaming, enjoying the company of animals.
11) track your menstrual cycle.
i'm sure there are more, but this is a good start.
You are f*cking BASED girl, don't change that!!! (sadly scrotes & pickmes did wear my resolve down over time, but I found it again)
All the things you believe and cricitize about men are CORRECT.
Go with your flow instead of against it (aka don't do things the way "everyone" does it or else it's "wrong")
Lean on your strengths instead of trying to fix your weaknesses (unless they're debilitating weaknesses, of course) -- aka don't fix it if it ain't broken
Shitty people will never "see" the time, energy and attention you spent. Don't give them more of what they already don't appreciate.
You can't make relationships (of any kind) work unilaterally.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Stay in touch with your feelings, you're not "too sensitive" when you do. Actually, pushing away your emotions now will make you anxious later.
It's not normal to feel unsafe and triggered around someone constantly. It's not you, it's them!
You're doing exactly the right thing by staying home and focusing on your skills and hobbies instead of going out to party and brute force socialize with people you don't even like. (I tried to be more "outgoing" in my early 20s, which just led to a drinking habit... go figure)
You're doing a great job by avoiding all drugs and caffeine, no matter how "normal" these things are.
You have a strong intuition for what's right and what's wrong for you, follow it.
You don't need to chase conventional success if you don't want to.
I wish I could tell myself to never ever allow other people to put their limitation on you because you are limitless. I always believed scrote family members that I'll never be great and I wasted many years believing that and accepted other ppl limitations as my own.
- Relationships should never translate to sacrifice. When you need to sacrifice then you are with the wrong person.
- Being rebellious is not wrong or demonic if your goal is to reclaim the rights that are withheld from you. Going full mutiny is not immoral because your life and rights belongs to you.
- Live like a mystery and plan in silence because most don't want you to succeed even your own relatives and friends.
- Choose security over a man's promise, Your career stays longer with you than men ever will.
Go where you're welcome, not where you're tolerated.
When the honeymoon phase is over, if he clearly wants "novelty", the relationship is over. Start talking to new men. It isn't cheating. Quit patiently waiting for him to dump you. You pay half of his bills and clean for him = He will never blatantly dump you. He will cheat, constantly, and he will change the definition of cheating, constantly. THAT in and of itself, is a passive aggressive dumping. If you're clearly being strung along, you are single, ACT ON IT.
He doesn't owe you closure, and you don't owe him closure. MOVE OUT AND FUCK MEN WHO ACTUALLY WANT YOU. THE SEX IS BETTER THAT WAY.
And never give a man a second chance. He just wants to dog on you one last time for daring to block him.
I would tell all younger people to get right with their attachment health—meaning learn to get secure so that you can leave bad and unworkable situations earlier.
The trauma injuries of my childhood left me lingering in bad relationships, work industries, jobs, and even friendships past their expiry date.
Value your untouchable worth by trusting your inner alarm system and internal states. Make decisions as much as possible from a place of security within yourself.
~ Don’t lose yourself trying not to lose someone else.
~ It’s better to break your own heart by leaving, rather than have someone else break your heart everyday while you stay with them.
~ Everything you need to heal is within you.
~ Set boundaries. Just say No.
~ Drink enough water. Take care of your health.
~ Save money and invest. In a relationship, take care of you first, have a nest egg.
~ Prioritize yourself
~ A person who values you, would not put themselves in a position to lose you.
~ Never trade sex for love, it doesn’t work that way.
~ Listen to your Intuition. Your gut is always right.
~ Choose people who feel good to your nervous system.
~ Be willing to walk alone.
~ You can come back from anything.
-ugly men are not nicer, nor do they have a better developed personality or brain.
-spend more time on your hobbies
-make more girlfriends
-don't waste your time on men
-if he wanted to, he will
-relationships should not be hard. If you are suffering, stop, breathe, and reassess.
-Don't let anyone gaslight you
-write in a journal so you have a reliable narrative
-no amount of being nice will lead someone to respect you. Learn boundaries
- Men have nothing to offer you, don't bother with them
- Corporate is more abusive than most toxic relationships, don't gaslight yourself. It's them, not you
- Stick with a uniform that isn't trendy and be intentional with home decor
- Learn to recognize and read your own intuition
- You've gotta network to get work. Grades and fancy resumes don't matter, it's allllll about who you know
- Stop your period using the pill or go permanent with an ablation
- Find a make up look that suits you (if you wear it, you don't have to) and stick with it
- Try new things
- Learn to dine alone. It's a personal game changer
- Learn to cook and how to make it fun for yourself
- Older guys don't deserve the ego boost from dating you
- Walk away sooner
- Work on your self-esteem
- Develop self-awareness
*Edits I forgot to include:
- always save money and have enough to look after yourself
- never tell a man how much money you have saved or make
Please please forgive yourself. You did the best you could with the parents and family you had. It’s not your fault. Don’t self-destruct over something that was stacked against you.
Accept the current reality. Identify problems and solutions. Act accordingly. Don’t waste time ruminating on what you should have done, why you are a bad person for not doing it, etc. Just move on.
Be independent and move out as fast as you can. You are not a toxic person and can absolutely live together with your friends. They won’t hate you.
Learn your own pace for doing things. You’re not deficient because you’re not moving at your mother’s pace.
- Learn to dress for your body shape. Your confidence will go through the roof as you embrace the beauty of your body. Same for learning which colours suit you (try colour analysis, body shape and Kibbe)
I would tell my younger self to read "What Smart Women Know" by Julia Sokol and Steve Carter.
I've only just started reading it but DAMN, so far it's very FDS-aligned and would've saved me so much trauma and frustration from horrible men.
there is only one thing i would tell myself: stay away from men. yes, that means you'll remain virgin. but trust me, you'll hate sex. trying to have relationships with men - of any kind - will only give you trauma and disappointment. just focus on yourself and forget all about men.
and just like that i'd be almost trauma free (there wouls still be the traume of growing up witnessing the violence of my father against my mother).
It doesn't matter what the scale says if you're working out every day and eat healthy
Mens attention and opinions mean nothing
Patriarchy is a system, men will never see u as equal
Stay away from men.
Everything else just helped me grow into the person I am today and can be booked as a valuable lesson.
You will probably find lots of those points very obvious, but they really weren't for me when I was younger.
- Men finding you hot (even attractive ones) is not flattering. Just because they want you in their bed doesn't mean they respect you, or even like you.
- There is noone nicer than men who wants to have sex with you.
- It's totally okay to hurt men's feelings if necessary. If you're not into a guy, don't give him hope, don't offer friendship, just block him or do whatever else to keep him away from you. Rejecting someone is your right. Do not feel bad for him. Don't be too nice to men too, they'll think you're into them or not take you seriously.
- You have no business being friends with men. Truly platonic female-male friendship is incredibly rare. Focus on female friendships instead.
- Ugly men won't treat you better, vet without mercy.
- Older men are not always more mature than men your age. Maturity is a mindset, not a number. Those who ask younger women out have no chance with women their age who see through their low value.
- Have high standards not only in dating, but also in female friendships.
- "Not all men" is a bullshit argument meant to dismiss all abuse and misogyny women are going through. If a man says that, run.
- Men who claim to be feminist aren't feminist, men who claim to be empathetic and kind, aren't empathetic and kind. They're just virtue signalling hoping you will fall for their scam. Run when he says stamements like this. Truly feminist man never says how feminist is, he just treats women well.
- Don't put anyone on a pedestal. Noone is better than you. Every person on Earth has flaws, even most attractive guy with most impressive career can be a total scrote, that friend of yours who is so sweet can be a covert narc. I know it sounds paranoid, but just don't fall for first impressions and keep everyone at distance until you're sure they're safe.
- Always choose quality over quantity in literally everthing: people, experiences, etc. Not going out, not partying, refusing to drink alcohol/doing drugs with your friends every weekend won't rob you off fun life experiences and "adventure", you will just save yourself from lots of low value experiences. Define your own fun.
- Share bare minimum info with people you don't know well. Save that for people who love you and who are close to you. The less they know about you, the better.
- Buy yourself a pepper spray and/or learn self defense/martial arts. Also, buy an object with hidden recording device - perfect if you would have to collect proof on mobbing or emotional abuse.
- Educate yourself on toxic people, narcissists, sociopaths and psychopats through books. There are also plenty good videos on youtube about that. Get to know how they think and operate, how to spot them and learn about manipulation tactics because literally anyone could fall prey to them no matter how strong and confident they are.
- Pick your battles. Don't waste your energy on assholes who try to pick on you and anger you. State your boundaries but never give them emotional reaction because it's the emotion that feeds them. Be cold as ice towards them.
- Don't let other people's drama distract you from your goals and purpose.
- Whoever tries to bring you down is already below you.
- Most people - especially men - are meant to be ignored.