The transition time of our late 20s

We all know that childhood and teenage years are considered the most formative, and have a great impact on the trajectory of your life. However, I do feel that after age 25 until your early 30s, we seem to get this unique opportunity to really define our lives going forward. I feel that up until then, we are mostly not independent, especially in our thinking. We’re still operating off the patterns we have absorbed from our environment, without really questioning them a whole lot (or even if we are questioning them, we need time to expose ourselves to other perspectives and build new beliefs). In my early 20s, for example, I was:

• dieting as a form of self punishment aka going through restrict and binge cycles

• stuck in a trauma bond with my ex

• chasing a definition of success that wasn’t my own

• continuing what worked in my teenage years without realizing that my upbringing was incomplete (as is most people’s) and failing to work on my weaknesses strategically

• struggling with my neurodivergence without being really aware of it, let alone having any idea of how to deal with it

Now, nearing the end of my 20s, I believe I have a much clearer picture of how my pre-adulthood time, where I naturally had little control of my life, has influenced me. In early adulthood, we suddenly get control, but we don’t know what to do with it, so we try random things. Being able to actively shape your life is a skill that takes time to develop, especially if you didn’t have any role models or good mentors in your earlier life. Trying to “do life” on your own with minimal guidance is hard, but it’s starting to feel less challenging as I get older, and I think many of my peers feel the same way.

I’ve always been pretty sure of my values, but I felt I lacked the tools to be able to live more in alignment with them. So it seems the late 20s are a transition time where people will likely start to go into very different directions, similar to the time after graduating highschool. Maybe that’s also why we will rarely come across fully-formed, “complete” HV people at that time, even though there is of course a clear difference between people who embrace self-development and those that don’t. It’s a time where we need to judge people on their values first and foremost, and find people in the same growth stage as us, because the results might not be all the way there yet. At least that’s how I’m trying to forgive myself for not having “leveled up” as much as I would have wanted to.

I’ve always had this idea that by 28-30, I would be completely settled and have everything figured out. Now I realize that only now I’m at a place where I can even actively and effectively do the figuring out. Does anyone feel the same way? Or am I just exceptionally “late” to everything?