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I am focused more than ever on cultivating a sense of belonging on this finite earth and in this mortal body. A belonging that leads to liberatory joy.
Despite the wars all around us, growing poverty, rampant animosity, inhumane division, soulless violence, entrenched misogyny, and worsening lack of care for the most vulnerable, I believe this inner joy can cut through our highest spiritual depression.
What are the things you're cultivating toward that internal state of joy? How are you maintaining a gladdened heart for yourself?
Where is joy radiating from—in you, on you, pouring out of you? Who is on your side? Whose side are you on?
- not worrying about people outside my inner circle, quality relationships over quantity
- humor and goofing around
- cats
- nature walks
- talking to other people who prize small and simple joys over constantly chasing new thrills
- eating good food
- plenty of cuddling
- knitting and crocheting (I recently made the cutest figurine, it really makes me happy anytime I see it)
- my favorite songs
- making music (guitar in my case)
- dancing around without a care
For me it's less about doing additional things that bring me joy than about avoiding and eliminating things that don't.
It started when I read Marie Kondo's books and embracing the whole "Does it spark joy? If not, thank it and let it go" approach which goes so much further than just decluttering your material possessions. Yes, it is magical to open my closet and only see clothes I love to wear arranged in an aesthetically pleasing way. It is magical to open my kitchen cupboards and only see tools and dishes that I love and that are tied to good memories.
But that joy doesn't last long if I look at my phone in the next moment and see something there that kills it. I have always had (and I am certain everyone has) a lot of little things in my life that bring me joy. The problem was that that joy was quickly drowned out by other things. What good does it do that my cat makes me smile if I start doomscrolling or angrily drafting replies to social media posts that annoy me or ruminating about that work email the next minute? So I started eliminating and my life is so much better for it. Some things I did:
- I don't watch the news anymore. Not on TV, not online, not via notifications. I don't need to be bombarded with pictures of atrocities and terrible headlines I can do nothing about every day. I listen to the radio while I have breakfast and usually hear a short summary of the most important current developments there and that's enough for me. I have not missed anything important yet.
- I disabled all (!) automatic notifications on my phone (messages, emails, apps, social media, online content...) except for the ones regarding absolute emergencies. If I don't consciously open that app or that website, I don't want or need to know what it is doing.
- I do not look into my professional email account outside of my work hours. I only check my personal email account once a day. Twice, if I am expecting something really urgent and important.
- I deleted almost all social media in general, all social media apps and don't save login details on the very few accounts I kept. The same goes for shopping apps and newsletters, by the way. Again: if I don't consciously open that site to do something specific, I don't want or need to know what it is doing.
- I banned my phone from the bedroom.
- I went no contact or - if that's not possible- severely limited the contact with people that don't bring joy to my life
- I try to fix the "little annoying things" in my apartment (like a squeaky door, a blunt kitchen knife, a broken light fixture...) as quickly as possible
- If there is something annoying but unavoidable I have to do that day I try to do it as early as possible so dreading it doesn't ruin my whole day.
- If there is something annoying but unavoidable I have to do regularly, I try to combine it with something I really, really love. If there is a novel or audiobook or TV series I am really into and can't wait to continue, I ONLY allow myself to continue to read/listen to/watch it while I do something annoying (e.g. during my commute, in the waiting room somewhere, while cleaning or ironing etc.). That way "That stupid train/appointment is 15 minutes late again, I HATE this!" becomes "Great, 15 more minutes to finish that chapter!"
- I don't force myself to complete unimportant things I have lost my passion for. If the novel or show is not as good as I thought I don't finish it. If I lose passion for a hobby or project, I stop until I feel like it again. If I don't feel like going to an event, I don't go. We are forced to complete so many tasks we don't care about everyday that are unavoidable (e.g. at work or chores) that we are allowed to cut ourselves a little slack when it comes to things that are optional.
- I stopped watching things that have the potential to upset me, stay in my head or to give me nightmares even if I find them interesting (e.g. thrillers, horror movies, true crime stuff, upsetting documentaries...). It's not worth it.
It's not about adding more things that bring joy to your already busy schedule. It's about eliminating obstacles so you can enjoy the "joy high" things you already do or have bring you for as long as possible.
Always find time for the activities that make you happy and enrich your life. Absorb the beauty around you, the warm sun, blue skies, rainy nights and foggy mornings, the nature around you and people who sincerely make you smile. Make your body move in the way that it's not used to - learn to dance or go to that yoga class you've never tried. Learn new skills to find a better job if your current one isn't making you happy. Don't get sucked into a drama or toxic relationships. Avoid reading or watching news too much or anything that triggers that existential crisis. And dream! Dream a lot but with an intention to make it happen, then it becomes a plan instead of a dream )))
Life is so short, New year's eve seems like a week ago. That's why I can't afford being unhappy. This world is trash so I focus on things that makes you forget that, dancing, music, and art are the things that can make your own world a better place.
You're the Queen of your own world.
i am on my side, for sure! 😂
i try to belly laugh, it feels amazing.
anger feels amazing, too, i don’t fear it or try to rationalize it away.
biking brings me joy, i love the feeling of the wind and sun on my skin (within reason, of course, not trying to get skin cancer)
i’m spending a lot of time with myself, and i think for the first time in a long time i am feeling really content in solitude. the loneliness gets to be less and less.
i once read a quote about life being “brutiful”—it’s both brutal and beautiful, i have to embrace both/and.
Personally it's my faith. The peace of God, rivers of living water... The joy of understanding this place is not my home.
Ya gotta lean into joy, embrace it
On my side, definitely.
Today's joy comes from record sales on the side-hustle-turned-full-time, and my baby chicks starting to get their adult coloring. I also just made a HUGE batch of my gramma's recipe biscuit dough, baked myself 4 biscuits fresh from the oven with melting butter and honey (food of the gods right there) and I cut out the rest into rounds and put it in the freezer. Tomorrow I will pack them up into meal sized portions for my mom and my sister, where they'll be able to throw them on a pan and have fresh baked biscuits whenever 😁
Love this post, love the comments here. ☺️
Brene Brown's "Daring Greatly" has great insights into joy
Joy is radiating around me. I have awesome girlfriends, I’m intentionally celibate, my life is abundant, peaceful and full of promise. Finally!!! Thank you, Good therapy and great girlfriends!! 😍