Post from Female Level Up Strategy Archive: Leveling up as a woman with ADHD

Originally posted by deleted user on FLS.

First of all, thanks for admins to open the FLUS up for motivation!

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Leveling up as a Woman with ADHD. Very different things to consider for us. Don't get discouraged!

Everything is difficult. The simplest of tasks. Woman are rarely diagnosed with ADHD because it presents differently with us. In fact we might be more demure, quiet, and "well behaved" than normal woman who are ALREADY pressured to be that way. I say well behaved with a grain of salt because quietly, we have zero impulse control. This make certain FDS guidelines more challengeing. We can be hyperactive and very polite and quiet about it. But going undiagnosed, as woman so often are, can cause so much frustration and confused self loathing that it can be dangerous for you. NOT everyone has adult adhd, but more woman do than are diagnosed. People might not understand or believe you, but your silent struggle to do daily self improvement tasks is heard and understood by me.

I've been having a really hard time lately. My ADHD symptoms got way worse this year. Then I read up on how your adhd brain gives you way less dopamine to work with. This paired with the inability to have executive functioning and decision making, is how you end up aggressively throwing yourself into 20 hobbies in one week and accomplishing nothing. You tried to follow the dopamine and all you got was an empty bank account. Lack of dopamine, the reason you just can't move sometimes, and wouldn't for an entire day if not for some interruption. You simply follow the dopamine in order to function. I've always been a "treat yourself" person because if I don't have dopamine to work with I can't move or do anything. My other symptoms get worse. It's not depression, it doesn't even feel sad, it's just mind exhaustion. There is a difference between serotonin and dopamine which is why antidepressants DON'T cure adhd symptoms. And a few other reasons of course but there isn't space. Sometimes people with ADHD are even misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder because of the energy spurts and exhaustion that hits us, unregulated by our brains.

Part of motivating yourself and keeping yourself active with ADHD is rewarding yourself. You have to build that in. It's pretty funny to me actually. I have to promise myself a treat to go to the store. Or If I clean I get to shop on Amazon. I'm trying to do a "buying freeze" right now so I can re pay off all my debt I built back up over about 6 months. You see... the thing that gives ME dopamine are large social gatherings and live music. So this year has drained me. Im such a happy person, but things got dark. It doesn't mean I'm depressed at all, it just means that my ability to function and do the most basic of tasks is much more difficult than normal. So I'm making some changes to level up. I thought other ADHD people might be inspired by this.

1- meds. I broke down and actually started taking medication again, which I hadn't taken since 2013. I'm almost 30 and my ADHD symptoms were worse than in high-school. It helped me start working out again, reorganize my life, and I'm very excited to see where it could take me. Its a HUGE leveling up for me. I know lots of normal people think they would love to take meds but I was terrified to restart them. The side effects are no joke if you're not ready for the adjustment period. But oh my, it is all worth it in the end. And quite frankly, any medication side effects or anxiety are better than regular ADHD side effects. In order for meds to work, you have to take them around the same time day every day and be consistent about them for long enough, that the cumulative effects start to kick in and the side effects of adjusting start to go away. ADHD people are naturally bad at this so you have to do it very intentionality. It took me one and a half months only to get past the adjustment. Also, it was kind of fun. As an adult I could monitor my side effects and emotions in a much more detached scientific way than as a kid. It was kind of a cool introspective experience. I think I even released some pent up trauma during a moment of intense anger brought on by my brain adjusting to the meds. I have a pill minder, but I just found out they have pill bottles with timers on the lids, so you know for sure if you took it or not. That is what I need. Point is, meds are amazing now and I'm never going back. But I had to stick with it.

2- excercise: I'm refraiming how I work out and why. For example, I've always liked working out alot, but motivation has been nearly impossible lately. Then I read an article that people with adhd need extra amounts of lactic acid for thier brains to use to help normal thought functioning. Our brains move about 3x as fast as what is normal, but not in a way that helps us. If you do exercises like lifting or HITT you are creating lactic acid, and it actually helps treat your symptoms. Any intense work out will do it, but a gentle jog might not be enough. Your muscles should be a bit sore after. It's not just because lactic producing workouts tire you out enough to sleep. It actually gives your brain an extra chemical that it needs to function more normally. That was a HUGE revelation for me. Whenever I stop working out my entire life falls apart. That's part of why. So, I'm going to do more weight heavy work outs. I would do anything to quiet my mind. Its worth it.

3- We have sleeping disorders. I get an average if 5 hours of sleep a night. You need at least 7 or 8. So im starting to gear my day around Just getting to bed on time. Its been weeks and I've managed to fall asleep as early as 10pm, once. So I need a change to my routine. This means doing my workout in the MORNING so my metabolism can go through all the activity associated with that through out the day rather than after dinner. I am not a morning person. But I can't go through life on 5 hours of sleep a night and just try to catch up on the weekends. So it must be done. God help me.

4- To DO lists. But the right kinds of to do lists. Normal people will sometimes look at you funny and just say "why don't you just write stuff down?" HA. We always write things down and have to do lists. That's not the issue. And this year, on meds, I realized that not all lists are created equal. For my daily life I need a calendar in my room/office and a calendar by the front door. And lists by the door. For work I now use a spread sheet that includes at least the following columns, (tangent break) its SO helpful, of course as long as I actually fill it out. I keep it open all day and check obsessively which helps. The columns are (item, description of item, steps taken, next steps, and, is it done?) Also when I finish something or get it to a point where I hand it off or something, I highlight the entire row green. The "steps taken" column and "next steps" is the only way I know what I've done for any task. It's great. So. Experiment with better to do lists. I want to add that we need visual organization. We need things organized in a way that we can see all the things, or we do not know that they are there at all. Object permanence lol. I have 3 dressers and a walk in closet, so I can spread things out and see them at a glance. I have already saved money by not buying doubles of things. Visual organization. It will save you. Clear bins. Labels. Signs. Fewer things spread out so you can see them.

5- Money problems. I'm trying to follow my dopamine in ways that don't break the bank. Lolololol yea right. So we have little impulse control, and our brains are constantly seeking dopamine hits to keep us functioning on a base level. Yes everyone does that, but this is different. It's not a "want" at best, its a compulsion. It would be like if you forgot to drink water all day, so your body kept involuntarily inching you twoards the water cooler, until you ended up grabbing a cup on auto pilot. Or you forgot to eat all day so your body carries you over to the fridge and you're suddenly staring in it wondering how you got there. Your body tells you what it needs. Its how we stay alive. ADHD people need dopamine. So, with MY main source being large crowded events and live music... let's just say I'm in debt from trying to form new hobbies this year when crowds and gatherings where not allowed. We also fixate on things. At the start of lock down I was fixated on paying off my debt, so I did to zero. But then I was starting to feel a huge lack of stimulation and couldn't get my regular dopamine from social events.... it lead to me going farther into debt than I had been before I paid it down to zero. Theese kinds of events can cause adhd people to have alot of self loathing and shame. It seems to happen out of the blue as a suprise, because you come out of your hyper fixation and realize you've created a problem. You just f#$% up and then have to deal with it. So I need to pay off my debt, however I can't stop "treating myself" cold turkey or my brain will rebel from me and we will have problems. So any pointers on this let me know. All I've been able to do lately is yell "no, its a buying freeze!" And slap my own phone out of my hand before I press order on something. But I'm not always fast enough 😅.

Thank you for coming to my talk.