I am buying my first flat and i am freaking out

I bought an apartment last year all on my own, no partner and no help from my parents. Far from seeing it as "loneliness" it is actually an incredible power move. You are financially proofing your future. You can furnish and decorate it to your tastes completely. Who enters and for how long they stay is on your terms. If you are worried about loneliness and haven't lived on your own before, may I gently suggest to start building a local support network and perhaps getting to know your neighbours in case of an emergency. A practical tip - make sure you change the locks before you move in as you don't know who still has a key. Congratulations and enjoy your new home ❤

I am trying to imagine a conversation where a man says all the things you did. Would anybody ever tell a man not to buy a house overseas because of having "no support?" Does a man have to be married first or need his parents to help him buy that house? It seems off to me when I try to imagine having those expectations for a man buying a house. But because you're a woman, you need so much more support than a man?? To answer your question, yes, it probably IS super normal in this society for a woman to feel super anxious for "going against the grain" and "buying her own house OverSeAs." But that's not to say that the act of buying a house overseas is inherently an unmanageable risk for a woman. Of course, I am assuming you've done the due diligence and have correctly assessed that buying a house where you are now is less of a risk than buying a house in your hometown. Your feelings are no doubt an emotional response to the steps you are taking to rewrite your future so that you don't fall prey to the "women are sidekicks" narrative. You're going against the grain, but damn, the grain society offers is not great! You've earned your own bread and butter so let yourself buy a home to put it in.

I get that living alone can give us anxiety, but I find it's also incredibly peaceful to have a whole apartment to yourself. YOU decide who's allowed to come and who isn't. YOUR routines matter, no one else's. You can combat loneliness by going outside or inviting people over, but at the end of the day, you'll have your safe space where no one can intrude. This will make you less anxious over time, not more.

I've done something similar - went to work someplace far from my family and friends and bought a flat there.

It was a lot at first. The place had a toilet with an overflowing tank (thankfully not overflowing bowl 😆) and the handyman I called in to fix it was no help. And so many other things went wrong.

I cried at one point 😂

But then I bucked up and tackled it all one by one. Even figured out how to fix that tank myself.

Once I settled in, it was the best thing ever having a place to myself. I come and go whenever I please, and everything's always exactly where I left them. Bliss 😊

Buying that place was great for my finances, too.

It didn't always seem like it was going to be a great financial decision (I spent so much money fixing things - sometimes I spent money and things remain unfixed - and the place I was at had some political unrest, which isn't great for property values 😅)

Somehow I lucked out and the flat sold at a profit despite the political unrest.

Edit: There was no sign of unrest back when I bought the flat, but what can I say - life can be unpredictable. All we can do sometimes is deal with things as they come.

It's no small thing you saved up for the down payment yourself! I had help with mine. You are such a capable person. More capable than me!

Congrats on taking the plunge!!!

A single woman having her own solitude and space is gold. There is nothing lonely about securing your foundation. This means you'll never have to rent again or be at the mercy of anyone else. This is a huge level up. Plus, equity, baby!

When I bought my apartment 4ish years ago, I was shitting myself with fear and nerves. But, the first night in my condo, I never slept better. It was allllll mine.

You'll look back and be so glad you did this for yourself.

Some suggestions:

- always have enough cash to pay for a small repair or appliance (just in case)

- join the condo board if you can

- build community with your neighbours

- get your own toolkit (if you don't already have one)

- learn how to shut the water or gas off in your place

- don't stress about doing everything at once when you move in

Congrats again!

I bought two homes alone. One across the country from friends and family but near a new job. The other I had my boyfriend around for the first year then broke up with him. I absolutely love living alone and having a home of my own. Its 100% mine and designed by me. The thought of a dude moving in and ruining the space makes me upset. Literally. I can still host friends and family. To me its not lonely. Ive been lonlier in unfulfilled relationships than I am now with my two dogs and slice of land.

Super common! I was anxious and excited when I went to buy my little manufactured home in Los Angeles. No late husband beside me so it was bittersweet but I knew he would approve on many levels. I was equally stoked to buy my condo back here in Louisiana. It’s a huge life step so congrats, queen, you deserve this, and it’s huge! ⭐️💯❤️

Firstly, congrats! Considering what you have been through recently, I would say it sounds normal but it maybe something you need to talk through. I've also experienced domestic violence and suffered from PTSD. It sounds like this may be true for you. Experiencing trauma like this can find it's way into the most happiest of moments and especially when making big decisions. You've clearly thought through your decision to buy, so maybe sit in it and appreciate how far you've come. Plenty of people live alone. That doesn't indicate loneliness. Your home is your sanctuary.

I'm really sorry that happened with your brother! I don't trust the men even in my family. They're just as abusive! I wouldn't do it personally if I were you, not to be cynical and I don't know how long you've been overseas but I used to live in the UK working and got cold feet and came back to the US after one year. I'd seriously consider if this is the country you wanna be in since many get homeland nostalgia and come back. It's a serious time commitment and being foreign you're Subject to all their laws and regulations. I sincerely believe it's best to make that type of investment in your home country but that's just me. For anything else I'd just rent on a short term or month to month lease if I'm overseas. Also you being alone as a woman without support over there is a highly vulnerable situation, that's how I got attacked by a malignant narcissist who knew I was traveling and living alone in a foreign country and he stalked me country to country. I'd just be wary since if anything falls through you have zero support over there to back you and buying a flat is a huge commitment and a ton of responsibility to put on yourself without any outside support as a woman. That's why I Haven't bought anh property and rent since I have like zero support over here to help me set a place up. Good luck and I hope you make the best decision for yourself!