How to start over from scratch even with depression?

"due to difficulties with authorities" is why people hire people who get college degrees in the first place. They can deal with difficult people like the public. You're only 25 but this isn't a valid excuse this should indicate that you still need to grow. Alot of your side hustle aspirations are admirable but many people are going to be in those niche with degrees on top of it. The online gig space is also competitive on a global level you'll be competing with people in India etc. I used to have a small store with shopify and most people hired in that niche were skilled virtual assistants from India because they are extremely affordable and professional, this is the reality I noticed. I can understand wanting to avoid speaking to people completely due to anxiety or depression but it shouldn't be ignored with numbing activities. People from countries on the other side of the planet, whose first language isn't English, can deal with the western public and don't seem to have difficulty with authority. what's stopping you?

It sounds like the first step is to stop the habit of gaming and doomscrolling. I know how addictive those things can be.

When I was weaning myself off gaming, I would set a timer or an alarm, give myself an hour, and then force myself to turn it off. It takes some discipline because there were times I did NOT want to turn it off. From there I limited the days I allowed myself to game at all.

However you want to approach it, once you free up your time from those things, you will have the time to write or meditate, and other things you enjoy.

If women's advice on here makes you suicidal, then you should instead look up posts similar to yours on Reddit and see what advice is given there and see what you can take and improve on. Someone else's advice or opinion shouldn't make you feel suicidal, no one has the ability to make you feel anything but you.

WGU and UMPI are some affordable schools if you need a degree and can finish quickly. They accept international students and if you need years to save up money and if you don't get your degree until years later, don't feel bad because those things are expensive. But I don't think the degree is the problem; the problem is fixing all your issues so you can progress in life.

Also, what do you mean by authority figures? Do you mean teachers, boss, what exactly? Those are temporary.

Users on here are, like any other forum online, are going to have different opinions than you, and you can choose to take the opinions that you find the most helpful and leave out the rest.

This is just another forum to share our experiences and exchange opinions and thoughts, but you won't find the pickme mindset here.

there are many level up posts here in the forum. browse through some of them and see what resonates. depression is like a void that sucks the life out of you. it's strong and horrible, but not invincible. it requires strength from you to change the situation. you seem to know many of the things you're doing wrong and that's a great start.

Also , no judgement I'm just so curious because my ex (not the one I was mentioning in my previous comment. This recent ex was much better), but he also said that he has difficulties with authority figures.

What does that mean? Can you elaborate what you mean difficulties , what type of problems?

Hey! My story may not be the same as yours but there are some slight similarities, slight. I may have some ideas that can hopefully help you.

Side hustle- pet sitting (if you like animals)

When I was like 20 I got out of a horrific relationship, my first. I had nothing. No degree because I dropped out of school to be with this man, no friends, I just got out of a psych ward from being baker acted, I was truly a mess after that relationship, I was destroyed, and much more things but point is, I had nothing and living with my parents. I started pet sitting because I was not well enough to be employed for long hours. I couldn't have done this without my parents btw to financially support me. PET SITTING really helped get my feet moving and income! It started to take off so I got a lot of money and I still do it today (a lesser amount because I have a full time job now). You mention that you have difficulties with authority figures. Pet sitting may help because you have to listen to your client and what they want you to do, BUT you are working "alone" and can still somewhat call the shots for your pet sitting business. (Pick your schedule, vet what clients you want, pick your prices, etc). This may help you get used to having authority over you because in this life there will always be authority figures above us. If it's not your boss, then it's the police, or the manager of the food establishment you're eating, the president of a book club you're in, etc. there's always a leader and higher up unless you are the leader and higher up. You seem like someone who instead wants to be their own leader? Perhaps start your own business. Start with the pet sitting business like I said if you like animals. You deal with the public but on a lesser scale. Gosh this really really really helped me because I had bad social anxiety but this forced me to open up a little by little but not all at once since I was with the animals mostly. dont have problems with authority figures, I just had mental problems after the relationship that hindered my ability to function normally in society. I'm SO MUCH better now (I'm in my mid to late 20s). As for brain zaps- I'm so sorry you are experiencing this and they are horrible!!!! I know it!!! This happens when I miss my medication dose!!! I can't help you on that, but I can sympathize with you and hopefully they disappear soon when your meds are all out of your system.

Another comment on here touched upon your doomscrolling and it had good advice so I won't touch upon that in my comment. The pet sitting business can help you fill those times you have off from your IT job. hopefully you like animals because most of my post is about the pet sitting business lol. Get back into your spirituality and meditation and things will start to improve faster.

Seriously consider finding a therapist you feel safe talking to (and whose responses you can respect and appreciate - for me this meant finding someone who could have a conversation with me as opposed to just listening and asking what I wanted to talk about), AND a psychiatrist. You may not have just depression, as there are many co-morbidities with depression. Or, you could have bipolar disorder, like me. I tried lots of anti-depressants and I didn’t like how they either made me more anxious, or made me unable to use my anxiety as a motivator. Finally, I tried a few mood stabilizers, and found one that works for me (as a bonus, it also makes me very sleepy, so it has forced me to maintain a good sleep schedule). Consider talking to doctors about what you’re going though, and even if you choose not to go the route of medication, a therapist can help you work through a lot of the things you’ve discussed in your post here. I highly recommend it, having someone who is trained to help with your specific issues and who is on your side is truly invaluable. Some of them offer sliding-scale costs if your insurance doesn’t cover, and it’s very much worth it even if you can only afford to go once a month.

I also recommend volunteering for a cause you care about. For me, that was feeding the cats at my local rescue. It was almost entirely self-led, but I had to sign up ahead of time for shifts and reliably show up, and this helped me get back into a routine of doing things that made me feel good.

Another thing that has helped me is journaling, and logging the activities you do that bring positivity to your life. After a month, you’ll start to notice that on the days or weeks when you prioritized those activities, your mental health was also better, and you probably had more energy, creativity, etc too. It may feel like your anxiety is the only thing motivating you right now, but I promise it doesn’t have to be the only thing. Restart those good habits today, and remember that every day you can start over. One missed day doesn’t mean you’ve failed and should give up - it’s just an opportunity to try again tomorrow.