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Hello, ladies!
This my first post - please excuse any potential grammar mistakes as English isn't my native language.
I would like to hear your opinion on this situation:
I (26) have been living in a shared apartment with this girl (23), for more than 2 years. We used to get along quite well as we are both rather introverted ( so quiet, clean, respectful). However, lately we've started growing apart and I feel certain tension between us.
Since I discovered FDS (thank godness!!) a year ago, I've been working hard on myself and my insecurities so I refuse to engage in dating and relationships. I prefer to builld a happy single life focusing on my studies (I'm currently studying for my bachelor's), self-improvement, hobbies, etc. I also work two part-time jobs as I have no family support and pay everything myself so I have to work hard for everything I have. Thanks to FDS, I finally decentered men from my life and now I can concentrate much better on more imporant things .
My roommate, on the other hand, is obsessed with men and relationships. When I moved in with her, she was in a relationship with a scrote who dumped her after a short time because he decided to stay with his mommy instead of buying a house (as he'd planned) and have some responsibility. 🤡 I remember my roommate sitting in the kitchen with her phone, crying and begging him to stay. Shortly after this breakup, my roommate started a new situationship with a guy who was taken (but his girlfriend was OK with that). She even kept bringing him to our apartment to spend the weekends (when I was out). This was in my pick-me era, so I was quite OK with that, but I was still sceptical about the whole situation. She even talked about wanting to try a threesome. I don't know how it ended. Last year, after being single for like two months, my roommate started another relationship that was set up by her classmates - they presented her a "friend's friend" and she happily took him (because AnYtHiNg Is BeTtEr ThAn NoThInG). This relationship still lasts.
I can see how her boyfriend is the center of her life as she always talks about him and spend almost all her free time with him. She has like 1 female friend. I feel sorry for her. Unfortunately, it seems to me that she's started to look down on me and often brags about the frequent trips they go on, events they attend etc. Sometimes she mocks my single status saying things like "single people don't have to worry about this and that" etc. She also brags with things she buys (an expensive laptop, phone,...) and pretends she pays for everything herself despite her father supporting her financially. She doesn't work and beside going to school and studying, she has nothing to do so she spends her free time with her boyfriend who is 25, working, but still lives with his parents who support him. I bet he doesn't cook nor do the laundry and has no sense of responsibility as he has enough time to go drinking with his friends almost every weekend (my roommate happily accompanies him) so he's basically an overgrown toddler (🚩). A few weeks ago, she even told me about a huge bed his mommy bought him so they can sleep comfortably in his room (🤡). And this is something I should be jealous of? No, sorry.
To be honest, I've started to resent her and I don't feel like talking to her. I don't want to listen to her "bragging" about her relationship (it's pathetic and I don't care, sorry) - I'm leveling up and I focus on other things. Also, I can't stand her bragging about her lifestyle - like, she doesn't work and still have enough money to go on holidays and buy things she wants while I study and work hard (night and weekend shifts) and can barely afford rent and food.
This morning, while I was preparing to go visit my family, she suddenly peeked out of her room half-asleep (although she usually avoids me) and asked if I was leaving for the weekend - of course she didn't care where I was going, the most important thing was that I was about to get out so she would have the apartment for herself and bring her precious boyfriend! It seems that's I don't even have the right to stay there during the weekends beacuse when I stay in, she keeps looking daggers at me.
I'm under the impression that this girl would throw me off a cliff just to be able to spend five minutes with her boyfriend.
So, we barely talk, there's a tension between us and I'm not sure if I should share my thoughts with her - I think she would accuse me of being bitter and jealous and the situation would aggravate. I've already mentioned some FDS ideas to her, but she just laughed.
I just want to live peacefully, but can't afford to move out and have no idea how to solve this situation. It's bugging me a lot.
Ladies, what would you do in my place?
Finally, happy New Year to you all!
Also, if you don't have a lock(s) for your room and/or belongings get them now.
If you can’t afford to move out, and I hear you on that, then read your lease carefully for anything that will keep her men out of your home. Anything in it about overnight guests/frequency? If the boyfriend is a 3rd roommate you shouldn’t have to pay half the rent and utilities given that usage has gone up.
It's still your apartment even if you are gone for the weekend. Same reason as to why you can't just rent your room out to some rando anytime you want without her consent etc.
Edit: Also this is a "worry about yourself" situation here. Who cares what PickMe ideas she entertains. You financially need a roommate at this time, so seriously stop allowing her issues to trigger you.
I feel for you. Living with a PickMe is tortuous. When I lived in NY my housemate started bringing in a rando she was sleeping with into our apt during covid lockdown. Don’t worry about the silliness of material things. She does that to irk you and make herself feel superior. She’s likely able to read your facial expressions and see that you’re perturbed. Greyrock her. Stay focused on your goals and creating the life of your dreams. Your resilience, tenacity and sacrifice will pay off. I know it’s painful that you have to work so hard for so little, and that you’re bereft of family support, but I get the sense that you’re a woman on her way to great accomplishments, and you’ll look back on this time as a mere chapter on your journey to abundance. It’s pathetic, but PickMes worship males, and they despise women that do not participate in their craven idolatry of penis havers. Stay the course. Review your lease and enforce it. Start looking for a new place where you can hopefully afford to live alone towards the end of your lease.
Get a lock for your room if you don't already have one. Keep your stuff (food, toiletries) in there while you're away.
I think it's worth flipping the script on her. Be patronizing back to her, but twist it.
She wants to brag about her bf's new bed, you cheerfully reply with a smirk on your face, "Oh, that's so nice of his mommy to buy her 25 yr old son such a big bed. Big enough for the three of you! I bet she'll even wash the cum stained sheets too. Aren't you lucky!"
Women with internalized misogyny are so sad and pathetic. I'm sorry you have to live with one. In my opinion, you should start planning an escape and save up money to get out that situation. I worry if her bf is maybe taking a liking to you and told her that for the lulz so now in her eyes, you are sexual competition.
There is nothing worse on Earth than a single woman who is happy by herself. People think this is far worse than someone who is a rapist p*dophile murderer who tortures animals. Women are also not immune to fighting against this hidden propaganda and stays away from single women, as if they were diseased.
If you gotta stay in some cheap motel just to be able to get away from her, do so. It's temporary and you can work your way up to maybe finding a reasonably priced place you can be by yourself in. Roommates are super tricky to work with because you really don't know who you're gonna get.
I second all the excellent advice here. Protect yourself and your assets. Focus on getting yourself financially stable enough to not have roommates (I know it is tough - I went through this). If you want to try and help her, once you've moved out and have no financial or material entanglements, tell her directly but kindly how her behaviour affected you and how you see her actions damaging her own life and prospects. Only do this if you're feeling resilient enough to receive a nasty reply in response (or you can send and immediately block her).