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I thought I'd ask this on FDS since a lot of you have excellent advice for levelling up in life outside of dating as well so here goes.
I am in a program and amidst my cohort there are only 2 other girls. The majority are men. However, my main source of distress lately has been due to one of these women (shockingly). Before I detail these issues I want the advice to be tailored towards me looking like the levelheaded/smart or overall more mature one.
Anyways so this person (I'll just call her Jessica from here on out), though she is obviously a bit challenged
considers herself nonbinary but only about 1/4 of the time and if you don't guess correctly she gets mad
has openly bragged about how many psych ward trips she has gone on, how many times she has attempted to end her own life, and how many mental illnesses she has [ADHD, autism, bipolar 1 & 2, I can't remember the rest]
openly fetishizes gay anime men who look more like underaged boys despite being a lesbian
is edging close to 30 years old and has that yaoi obsession like I mentioned previously
All that to give you a sort of more cohesive picture of who I'm dealing with. With the election results having come about, obviously the other girl and I (we are both white [and furthermore both of us voted for Kamala]) were feeling a bit disheartened. Jessica proclaims to us that she did not vote, and that half of her family is getting deported (she is half white, half Hispanic), but also that we as white women basically need to suck it up because our rights are not going to be affected in the slightest (we are all in a very conservative red state in the southern US). Jessica is also in a bunch of online leftist groups, of what sway I'm not entirely sure.
This is just the latest in a series of incidents I have too many examples of to mention, but I'll just give a few poignant ones.
I buy new shoes, wear them to campus. She asks me if they are used (they're not) and tells me I got ripped off, proceeds to manhandle my foot to 'inspect' the shoes. I was just so dumbfounded I didn't have anything really to say.
Randomly got into an argument with me about if a tv show was made by a pedophile (???). It wasn't and she refused to listen to me until I had to Google it to show her.
Drew a caricature of me as that Sigma male super muscular dude (the ones from the memes) and left it pinned up in my desk space as a joke. (I know this sounds ridiculous but it's true)
Gets angry at me when I spend money on things. The third girl in our cohort invited us out to go jean shopping and I bought some jeans. Jessica said I could buy anything I wanted since I had 'Daddy's money' when I used my own money to complete this purchase.
In sum, how should I deal with this? Thus far I have just been being silent and keeping my expressions neutral (which I think frustrates her since she can't figure out what I'm thinking) but I've received some advice to basically just return her energy and be rude back, but I feel that's not very classy and may make me look bad in front of other colleagues. Any advice from women in academic fields or otherwise would be greatly appreciated.
You need to cut her off and be short with her when she's bothering you. Like with this shoes situation? "I didn't ask for your opinion" and walk away. She was rude and you don't have to let her manhandle you. For every weird shit she's saying you can easily respond with "what a weird thing to say!" Or "what an unusual thing to say!" and then go do something else.
You need to cut her rambling swiftly and disengage. Toy should be short and concise. You should be out of her vicinity within 5-10 seconds from the moment she opens her mouth.
I think she's secretly jealous of you. I would just grey-rock her (If you don't know what it is, please google it, there's a bunch of great videos of grey rocking technique. I particularly liked the ones by Dr. Ramani).
Returning her energy is a bad idea, she's nuts and she can go all day. If you can, subtly exclude from convo. Have more convo with your other coworker via chat (where she can't insert herself), go out just the two of you but don't talk about it in front of her, etc. If your coworker is one of those "But it's mean to exclude her 🥺" then grey-rock her too, you can find other friends outside of work. Good luck 👍
If you want to get rid of her, go to HR and tell them she's making you feel uneasy and worried for her safety, as she clearly is idolizing her mental health struggles. Mention she is openly bragging about being suicidal and it's making you feel unsafe. Tada.
Avoid her as much as possible. Don't spend time with her outside of work. If she discusses her sexuality at work tell her plainly "I don't want to discuss your sexuality at work" and then report her for sexual harassment.
I've worked with a girl who was like that in the past - "nonbinary", mentally ill, self-absorbed and over-sharing about all her issues, and very eager to tell me about her sex life. The only difference is the girl I worked with was 19, not nearly fucking 30.
After the fact I wished I'd have told her to shut the fuck up about who she wanted to sleep with and the sex she had just before our shift and the issues she was having in her "demi-poly" relationship, because that shit isn't professional and I don't want to fucking here it. Frankly it's sexual harassment, and these idiot need to be taught a lesson.