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Just like The Wall and every other scare tactics the patriarchy has put on us women since the day we are born -- there's some form of truth in it.
Yes, as we get older we face riskier pregnancy.
As we get older our body changes, stuff that we can get away with in our 20s, we gonna have to start worrying and dealing with them as we hit the next decade, and the next.
If you want kids, you may face a lot of challenges if you get pregnant in your 30s, 40s, 50s.
So, what?
That's the thing here -- so, what?
The fact that we may face challenges in the future DOES NOT somehow nullify the fact that we have to be extremely careful in mate selection.
That's the thing -- this "Oh your biological clock is running out, so you can't be choosy" argument sounds logical at the first listen;
But it makes absolutely ZERO sense.
If you aren't careful, rushing to settle with the first man you met, just blindly get pregnant with this dude who "seems good enough" -- you are setting yourself up for years and years of torture, hopelessness, and exhaustion.
Sure, you beat that biological clock. You get pregnant safely, get all the kids you want -- but also get saddled with a piece of sh*t as a husband. Or at best, a "meh" husband that ain't lifting a finger while you exhaust yourself trying to keep the family together.
What kind of sense is that??
Your kids still are gonna suffer you know.
This biological clock scare, just like The Wall scare -- they both have very short term outlook.
And the "solution" to these "problems" which is basically to set yourself up to be unhappy for the rest of your relationship. And perhaps life.
Because settling with any man who seems "nice enough" without thoroughly understanding what healthy relationship actually means, and then birthing children on top of that?
Have you never ponder -- just why are there so many broken, unhappy families all around you? Healthy families are extremely, extremely rare you know.
Think long-term.
You don't need to lose your marbles every time people point out your clock's situation.
You don't need to deny and argue about how "it is not true" -- it is true, science is science, fact is fact.
So what?
Think long-term -- you aren't gonna stop vetting and being careful with whom you allow into your space just because you are getting older.
That's ridiculous -- we are talking about your safety and happiness here, those aren't things that can be taken lightly, you know?
That's that, this's this. Two completely different things -- rushing and settling is a band aid solution. Yeah you gonna get dem kids -- but at what cost?
At least try to think;
You care about your future kids, yeah? Don't you rather be extremely careful in vetting and selecting their future father -- making sure that he will be the best father they will have and the best husband you can have -- even if the sacrifice means you may never see them?
That makes more sense to me. Sometimes you just gotta choose what sacrifice worth making.
Stay safe, Stay Woman.
P/S: if you worry so much about your biological clock -- keep your body in optimal healthy condition. Ya know -- exercise, eating healthy, the whole jazz. THAT'S a solution. Rushing and settling with just any man is NOT the solution. It is like worrying about your brand new car breaking down in the future, so you wrap it in flimsy plastic now. It is just plain stupid.
The 30s is fine for getting pregant generally. Please don't internalize their own bullying as truth. You can easily have AMH levels of 4+ at 30. The classification of geriatric pregancy beyond 35 is based on medical data that is over 100 years old when people still died at very young ages and didn't receive proper medical care throughout their lives. If people today had comparable bad medical care the women on tinder they are after would be infertile en masse by the age of 22 due to chalmydia, gonorrhea and PID induced tubal scarring based on the irresponsible sexual behaviour these men make a requirement to even meet. They are the ones progressively MAKING women infertile. The more women were in contact with scrotes the higher her likelyhood of sustaining permanent damage due to infection. They say they want fertility but they are CREATING infertility with their dirty weiners they refuse to wrap up. 🤢🤮
I tell men that I can’t wait until my clock is broken because I don’t want kids. They lose their shit and get their panties in a knot. I block and delete afterwards, or end the convo if it’s in person.
I would also like to point out that fertility statistics that scare the shit out of women seem to be based largely on studies where the women were receiving fertility treatments (eg had known difficulty conceiving). Often we don't know whether it was the woman's issue, the man, or both . But the woman is always blamed.
Also, historically, many women were not trying for kids in their late 30s or 40s. From my research it seems to me that we don't really have an accurate longitudinal data picture of how hard it really is to get pregnant naturally when you're older. I remember saying to my gynaecologist at age 38, "I'm too old to have a baby" because I was so brainwashed. He said, "that is nonsense, you are in perfect health." He was in his 60s and a respected training doctor.
Absolutely it gets more difficult as you get older but I do not believe it is as scary as it's painted to be. It is just one more pressure tactic to try and control women and shame them for delaying this major life choice until they find a suitable partner or are financially in a position to be a single parent.
men have biological clocks too. just because they expel a white gross liquid from their sausages 'til they die doesn't mean it's good quality. the older they get, the more viagra they need. they expire and get worse than women in menopause. many women are getting pregnant in their 50s becaue their partners are younger. male audacity turnes them blind to their own limitations.
Good post, but I want to add that if you want kids, the "single mother by choice" route is a good option. Especially if you have family that's willing to help with child care, This option becomes feasible and doable.
If you do not have family to help with child care, you need to budget for that. Yes that will require sacrifices on your end, but if your alternative is being childless or with an LVM, it's up to you to determine if the sacrifices are worth it.
I'm in my early twenties, but I am chasing a large paycheck and financial stability. I'm living my life with the assumption that I'm going to be a single mother by choice. I am trying to secure my financial future now so I can support my children later. If I meet a quality guy, great we have more security and an early retirement. If not, still great, I'll be able to raise my kids exactly how I want to.
I had a hysterectomy in my late thirties. That sounds bad but I’d had period problems since my early twenties. I didn’t wake up one day at 38 and realised I was ill. This is where @SayNad is exactly right, look after your health. If you want kids and have endometriosis then yes you might not have as long but that’s something you can monitor. But if your periods are regular, don’t cause you too much pain and you’re otherwise healthy then stories like mine shouldn’t concern you. The first thing with any scary story or statistic is to ask whether it’s relevant to you. I used to black out from ovulation pain. That’s how bad it has to be to have a hysterectomy in your thirties!
It's also worth pointing out that you can adopt kids at any time. Just because the kids aren't biological doesn't mean they can't be yours. Just because you don't have kids biologically doesn't mean you can't have a loving, happy home.
Just came across this article today: Kinless Canadians struggling to age with dignity
Children are not your guaranteed way to be taken care of. Husbands are not your guaranteed way to be taken care of. LVM husbands will actually leave when they find that you are of no use to them. If you marry an older man, you're going to be a caretaker well into your golden years. Recently posted on this forum: Mother moves into retirement home to take care of son
A caregiver provided by the government spends not that much time with you. You need to have money to be taken care of in the future if you cannot rely on anyone but yourself.
Men who talk about biological clocks and fertility don't know the first fucking thing about it. I've seen men claim that a 13yo menstruating is "fertile" as if women are walking gestation chambers. Same dudes who have opinions about abortion and treat women over 35 as dead. It's devoid of women's humanity or agency and rooted entirely in misogyny. Don't buy it. A woman's age is NOT the #1 factor for fertility or pregnancy health. It is her physical health, emotional and financial stability, and the age and health of the man who provides the sperm. Pregnancy is complex and dangerous and requires many working parts. This is why teenage pregnancies are often considered high risk when a 42yos may not. Choose wisely.
The most important decision you'll ever make is who to procreate with. And if you get it wrong, those same men who threatened you with the "wall" and the "biological clock" will be the ones saying it's you're fault that you chose him and thar you should have chosen better. There's no empathy for the female experience on this earth. If you choose the wrong man, it will be YOUR fault. We're supposed to be psychics who know exactly what a man us gonna do even when he acts and speaks the exact opposite before he fucks us over. The best decision I ever made was to not have children with any of the men who lied and said they loved me. Even the one who married me didn't love me, and when I asked myself if he did, I answered myself truthfully in my heart. I'd have been trapped with him for 25 years whilst the kids grew up, or I'd be a hated single mother. I'm glad I'm single and childfree, but it took me a long time to get here, because I listened to this total bullshit spewed by men who want us to be their mules and slaves. F that.
I knew from my family tree that both of my grandmothers had healthy children well into their 40s with no birth complications. And so it has been for me. A lot of us are still fertile up to age 50 and beyond, so plan birth control accordingly. Me and my Mirena IUD are besties! 😜
khloe and kim both in their late 30s gave birth, never had any issue so worrying about age or biological clock aint worth having kids with some scrote