Feeling lonely after cutting off low value people

I can totally relate to you since I have done the same recently! I am lonely and sometimes it's worse than others. I have had the same doubts as you, "Maybe I am just an unlovable and high-maintenence, overly picky bitch who is destined to be lonely forever now". But then I remember how objectively disgusting my ex-bf is in every possible way, and how my best friend (male) was just insufferable and draining, and I realize even though I'm lonely, I'm at least not giving them my time and attention anymore, and I am spending it on myself, which will always pay dividends. Honestly I have just thrown myself more into my hobbies, and I took up a big commission too to earn some extra cash. I am also thinking of streaming my art on Twitch to remedy a bit of the loneliness too (and at least I can freely ban anyone from my chat if they're dicks) but I know that's definitely not gonna be an option for everyone. I also got in touch with an old friend from awhile back and we have been growing closer now that we happen to have similar hobbies. But it takes time and nurturing to develop a closer friendship, as you know. I would say just reach out to all of your old friends and see what they're up to! See where the conversation takes you. People love being remembered and thought of like that! People are invariably attracted to confidence and I have seen the truth of this with my classmates and friends already respecting me more. The decisions you've made to cut off toxic people will show in the way you present yourself to others, subconsciously, too. I have heard "You're so cool" more in the past month than I ever have and it feels amazing. 😳 I... DO feel cool! I believe that mindset, and also working on yourself and gaining valuable skills that give your personality depth and substance, will naturally attract like-minded and HV people eventually. Meetup sounds like a great start. In addition to that, maybe consider taking some classes at your local community college or community center. And I hope you'll keep with it and ignore the doubts in the back of your mind that tell you you've made the wrong decision to cut off toxic people.

based on the time i’ve been on here, i think many ladies have the same challenge. even if one is able to give tips such as taking up more hobbies (which is pretty much it tbh), irl it’s much harder to have deep, long-lasting connections with high value people because it’s not the same as simply knowing more people and having small talk. but i think this has almost nothing to do with low value or high value people. all around the world, people are experiencing loneliness and people are experiencing it more than ever. with the rise of technology and fast food type dating where you can simply keep swiping or give low effort texts, people don’t invest as much in-person anymore. people are now more replaceable than ever and when something is not working out, it’s much easier to just leave and find someone else. loneliness also increases with age. in school you’re constantly surrounded with new people and creating memories with the current people. but at work, almost every single person there has conflict of interest and no matter how many work besties you have, you need to maintain professionalism. other than work, it’s just hobbies but if i’m going to a yoga class, i usually just head home after that. no one is staying around looking to have dinner with everybody there tbh. people also usually already go to their hobby places with friends or spouses. i suspect the advice to meet more high value people can’t be that different. it’s simply just putting yourself out there and going to more places where you can meet people. but meeting people it’s not only exhausting it’s usually finding a needle in a haystack. even if you put 100 lonely people in a yoga studio, chances are they are not going to have deep interactions either. life is just hard. and i’m saying this so that we can all accept that loneliness is a part of life and learn to be happy while co-existing with loneliness. and i say this despite having regular family outings and i also do have quite a few good friends i connect on a regular basis. yet these friends usually only “fulfil” a certain side of me

I’m going to go against the grain here and suggest you start introspecting. Before you seek new relationships and friendships, I would suggest you work on learning to value your own company, truly become comfortable being alone with yourself. Go out alone, do activities alone. Once you’re at a healthy point where you’re really comfortable with yourself, then work on meeting new people. Being comfortable alone gives you a whole new perspective when in the company of others. In my own experience, I found that I was so much more present, living in the moment with the person I was spending time with.

I’ve been a lonely gal for the last 4 years now after a breakup and for some reason I’m choosing to live away from family. I have dear friends few and far between but they are probably going to be people I know forever. I’m trying to make due with the loneliness and not take it personally. While our world is beautiful, it’s also sick and isolation is apart of that sickness. I don’t think it’s worth being in relationships that don’t fill your cup. It’s kind of the same thing I’m looking for in a man is also in a friendship. Loyalty, respect, generosity, thoughtfulness, common interests and genuine care. Most of my really good relationships have been happenstance as well. Sometimes it just feels like fate to meet someone who you’re somehow on the same wave length, click, and build a relationship effortlessly. That’s been my experience anyways. I can’t always be with my beloveds so Im making a practice to stay open in case a friend or lover with a heart of gold crosses my path and keep my time filled with my passions, career, and self care. I’m also starting to accumulate animals and more plants lol.

Took me nearly half a century to learn there are people whose presence make us feel more lonely than we would otherwise be feeling today if we’d never met them in the first place. Addition by subtraction. Peace is the thing I value most. So everyone who disturbed my peace had to go. Best decision ever was going No Contact with my exes, my parents, my mother’s siblings, and 5 former close friends. Today everyone in my life is here intentionally because I trust them & they have earned it.

Same. I had to cancel a date due to lv behavior, (and literally blocked two scrotes today) so I went to the gallery instead. I did feel more disappointed than I should. Esp bc I’m in a city where I know few people and the one person I had grown close to, disappeared as soon as she got a boyfriend.

I think moments/phases of loneliness is a normal part of life but prolonged loneliness is bad for mental health. I don’t think this is a plausible thing to adapt to bc humans are social animals. We need community. I agree that continuing to put yourself out there is the way forward.

If you keep showing up, there will be opportunities for connection. But I think this is one of the next big issues humanity will face as a whole, especially in this age of mindlessness and disconnection. Whoever solves this will be very rich and I’ll happily give them my money.

For awhile I was lonely, but as time passed I slowly collected more HV friends. I think it helps that I live in a big city.... so that might be a contributing factor. Either way, you are creating space for quality!

Take a course in counselling! There are short ones available, and the type of people who are interested in counselling others are more likely to be HV. A proper course is about learning through connecting, so go to a good college.

I also relate because in the space of a year I broke up with my abusive ex, ex best friend, three other friends and my whole family. I think it is crucial to cut out people from our lives that are not good for us. but I recognise that it does make us lonely. but I am so proud of you ! Leveling up is such a hard process but that in itself is it’s own reward. It means that we are getting better at identifying Unhealthy patterns. but getting good at cutting people off I think is a good life skill.

Heard this quote from Mark Manson on the dateable podcast and it changed my perspective about loneliness:

The world itself is not designed to make us happy all the time. The purpose is to lead you back to the source of happiness that exists in yourself. People will always be disappointing because no one can keep up this game of loving you more than they love themselves for very long. Every experience, situation, and person in the world makes a promise that it can’t keep. The truth is that is a great service to you. It would be a much greater inservice or injustice if people made you dependent on them by loving you exactly the way that you wanted to be loved at all points in time because you would be lead away from the very source of peace, love, and happiness within you. It is not the world’s job to make you feel how you want to feel and other people will always suck at consistently making you feel what you want to feel. It may not feel like a gift at all right now but it is a major gift to have moments in time of not feeling loved or not finding someone who chooses you as a romantic partner. It is a gift because it gives you the opportunity to see through this illusion and through this false promise that the world and other people make which is, “ I will make you happy forever. I will make you feel loved forever.”

I would say library events are a great resource to look into to find community events in your area in the magazines and flyer section, but it also depends on what type of friends you want (I'm a book worm). Wherever you do go though, try to do eye contact/ ask follow up questions with anyone you feel interested in knowing more about, learning more about people on the first meet helps determine their vibe much quicker bc it catches them off guard