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After levelling up, I’ve noticed a trend with making new friends- it’s really tough! I really had to reassess how I was conditioned to make friends when my standards got higher.
So I recently went to a party with my BF, we’re both pretty social extroverts but knew no one except the party host. We didn’t mind though, because we thought making friends would be easy like always. WRONG!! The whole party was mostly pickmes, LVM/W and insecure people.
I could tell people were staring and purposefully ignoring us. I’d introduce myself, compliment a people’s outfits or make casual small talk and they’d just glare back or give a one-worded answers then walk off. The crowd was so clique-y that we ended up by ourselves alone by the bonfire. When people joined the fire, we tried to spark friendly conversation and they just ignored us. They even started ramming their chairs right behind me to insinuate I was in their way of the fire. Rude! It‘s like they’re too scared to even ASK me if I could move. I also overheard women making comments about my “desperate-looking” glittery eyeshadow (it was a disco-themed party??) and I instantly realised I wasn’t going to make friends tonight.
My BF and I ended up playing at the pool table, but the entire time the women were acting all cool girl / pickme. Like making self deprecating remarks and flirting like “Oh noooo I’m so BAD at this game, Joshie show me how it’s done 🥺” even though this random Josh guy was ignoring her. Either that or they’d LOUDLY gossip about their wild sex stories or hate on other women.
They clearly didn’t like that we were playing a good game of pool either- they would roll their eyes whenever I pocketed a ball and my BF cheered for me. We were just having fun and trying to be encouraging, humorous and lighthearted with the other women playing pool (even if they’re our opponents) but I guess they didn’t like that. At this point, my BF was already ordering an uber home, fed up with the party’s vibe, the men he was trying to mingle with were no better than the women.
I think if I was still a cool girl / pickme I think I would’ve still thrived in such a woeful environment like that. I would’ve been a total doormat, moved mountains if people told me I was taking up their space, made self-deprecating jokes and engaged in gossip. I would’ve added them all on IG too.
I realised the more I am confident and stable, the smaller my social groups. But in a healthy way! I’m lucky to have plenty of HVW friendships already (I’ll make another post on how I achieved this!) and I’m not desperately looking for anymore friends but I guess there’s a downside where you will be stuck stranded a lot more in social environments. And you can’t completely protect yourself by only exposing yourself to HV people, you will have to bite the bullet sometimes for work functions, parties, weddings, etc.
I guess one key takeaway from this post is that as you level up, people WILL be jealous of how confident you are (even if you’re just minding your own business), they WILL purposefully ignore you and they WILL try to embarrass you or make you look like the villain.
But overtime… it will barely bother you, if you are comfortable with yourself and your place in the world. And I guess it’s a true test of patience, I’d rather wait for the right kind of friends to come my way than get a quick fix of attention from toxic, insecure people (sound familiar? it’s the same logic as FDS dating).
"I think if I was still a cool girl / pickme I think I would’ve still thrived in such a woeful environment like that. I would’ve been a total doormat, moved mountains if people told me I was taking up their space, made self-deprecating jokes and engaged in gossip. I would’ve added them all on IG too."
This hit home for me. I would have acted the exact same way in this situation. I've found the same thing now that I'm on FDS. I'll be standing around somewhere and then *ding* I'll hear a pick me red flag and know I don't belong. Finding high value women is tough, and there's a lot of no's before you find one. And yes, people are really threatened when you don't automatically reply in 'cool girl' in these scenarios
Babe, I was excited to start a new job with lots of women I could make friends with. Mostly age-appropriate. Sadly, I discovered the same thing as you. Not as intense, but they were pickmes. They believed if a man cheats before you’re 100% committed, it’s okay to take him back, that men are meant to be useless and one said “communication is key.” I felt like some of them had the potential, so I tested the cheating thing with my moral values, and was shot down. The overall vibe was that all the conversations felt forced between everyone. There were no domesticated extroverts as the podcast talks about. Why are so many women harming themselves? They even admitted having previous jobs where men were sexist to them.
please make a post on cultivating hvw friendship!!
Quality over quantity. Over the years, the number of women I call friends has continuously shrunk until I am now left with just a small handful of them. And yet they are some of the finest people I've ever known, truly inspirational human beings who give back so much more than they take, yet refuse to settle for mediocrity in any aspect of their lives.
You may find, as I did, that you don't mind this very much at all. I think Hollywood and mainstream media consumption have conditioned women to believe that unless we have a large yet intimate friends group we've known and maintained since early childhood, we are social failures. But the reality is that society doesn't really work that way, especially for ambitious, career-driven women. The petty little girls sniping at you over a game of pool may one day grow out of that behavior, but whether they do or not really isn't your problem. Focus on having fun, surrounding yourself with quality people, and ignoring the rest. They truly don't matter, and while it's no fun to realize that you're surrounded by pickmeishas and their LVM scrote associates, it can also be a valuable learning experience. Now you know what to look for and will probably either avoid such gatherings altogether, or leave much sooner so that you aren't wasting your time with people who contribute nothing to your happiness and success.
Wow, this is so relatable. Except sans BF, I find myself standing alone, and it is so alienating. This applies to most things I enjoy doing at night which has me wondering if HV people even go out in public after dark unless it’s for some exclusive events. Makes me not want to go out at all to anything but the rare cultural event that isn’t *too* highbrow, so as to avoid wealthy snobs who do not see me as on their level. I did read what I believe was your strategy post and I am doing all those things, it’s just there isn’t an abundance of aligned people out there. I am hit by libfems left right and center. Everyday is a struggle to do my levelups on my own time, trying to tamp down my irrepressible longing for human connection, when I am spending 90% of my time during the week alone. I am so tired.
Thank you for this insightful post!
Amen! I read this yesterday while traveling to an event and ran into this same situation outside the venue🙃 it's so awkward but oh well!
Eh, I don't mind self deprecating jokes all that much. Everyone has their flaws and life's too short to take yourself seriously all the time (for me personally), however people who make them at others expense are a-holes (who cover up their lack of personality/confidence with sarcasm/dark humour).