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I remember an old post on FDS reddit -- posted by the mods, mind you -- about how big businesses are taking advantage of women's insecurity and making them spending too much money on makeup (and other grooming stuff). Or something along that line.
And hoo sis it got wayy too personal wayy too quickly.
Some of the commenters absolutely lost their mind -- they were acting like the mods said "Makeup is evil and women who wear makeup is evil and FDS mods are hating on them for wearing makeup" and OMG I thought this is the place where women support women?? Why did you wrote such a hateful post? What about allowing women to do whatever they want and supporting sisterhood?? HOW DARE YOU?????"
That post was stating facts and stats -- and it is a pretty known fact that businesses do rely on women's insecurity to sell us beauty stuff. Cuz otherwise how would you justify spending 85$ on a lipstick?
But that's not what I want to talk about today.
You love makeup.
It makes you feel confident and powerful.
The routine is therapeutic.
It finally stops all the bullying and rude comments of "Are you sick", "Why do you look like that", "What's wrong?", "Are you doing [insert whatever bullsh*t here]?"
It gets you attention and people falling over themselves to give you nice treatments.
That man who was once so out of your league, you might as well be air to him -- finally start noticing you and asking his friends, "Who's that?"
You got that job, and that promotion, and those bosses and clients and workmates always asking when are you free -- they know this place that you will absolutely love, let them take you there!
That once cold and indifferent husband finally start treating you like a princess and gets ultra jealous whenever they sense another man taking a glance at you.
You finally feel like fate is on your side.
You love makeup.
It saves you from being invisible -- and treated like dirt.
I get that -- if makeup can get you the things you want and give you power and advantage in life -- I'd say blind them with your highlighter, sis.
But where are you currently, with your makeup?
I have a friend. She is kind. Too kind for her own good, I'd say.
Look wise, I think she is cute. Some women are sexy, others are pretty. She is cute.
She didn't wore makeup in collage, just some lipstick. I was the one dabbling in makeup -- smokey eye, to be exact.
But now that we are in our 30s and she works in an office, she starts wearing makeup everyday.
It makes her wayy cuter, I love how she keep the cheek pinkish and lips cherry, suits her complexion very well. Although the brow is... just no. She learned how to makeup from her work friends, I think.
Meanwhile, I stop wearing makeup because it is too troublesome. Still jamming to Lisa Eldrige though and will dabble again one day -- when I feel like it.
We rarely meet since we both have vastly different schedule, but whenever she spends the night at my place -- I get to see her doing her makeup the next morning, before she went back home.
She looks like she was about to cry when the makeup isn't working the way she wanted.
I have another friend that would spend an hour making sure her makeup is perfect before going to the store.
I notice how people are slowly normalizing seeing women wearing makeup, do their hair, and wearing flattering/nice/sexy clothing in the house on tiktok -- while cooking, while doing laundry, at night while watching movies and clearly relaxing.
Doesn't sound too bad though right? These women love makeup and are widely praised for being very disciplined with their self grooming -- even in the comfort of their own house!
Except I also notice a disturbing pattern;
I read a confession from a facebook friend that her newly married husband wants her to wear makeup allll the time -- even in bed. He absolutely forbid her from having a bare face.
I read the viral local post about the rise of domestic violence during the pandemic -- and the majority of opinions on how to solve the problem? The women should wear makeup and nice clothes -- even the damn heels while doing house chores.
Kids nowadays, as young as 12-13 years old start wearing heavy makeup everyday and see makeup as a necessity -- not a fun, curious thing of trying their mother's lipstick in secret while giggling.
And what's the makeup look that every women see as standard right now? Thick lashes, thick baking, thick contouring, thick foundation -- thick this, thick that -- who told you that is the "correct" way to do it? (Hint: Men in Wig)
So I am asking you again, where are you currently, with your makeup?
Are you the one in control of it -- or is it the one in control of you?
Makeup is not oxygen -- makeup is a tool. A tool that helps you get what you want. Like a well fitted suit that enhances you strength and downplays your weakness.
You aren't suppose to be walking on eggshells because of it.
You aren't suppose to feel "naked" and having a nervous breakdown from the lack of it.
You definitely aren't suppose to go broke from chasing over it.
And makeup is not your actual face -- no matter how perfect it looks -- and you aren't suppose to hate your actual face when you look in the mirror without it.
And when men, people, society -- the damned patriarchy can start using it against you and as a mean to control you?
You should at least realize that something is not right.
Makeup is your weapon -- it was suppose to be wielded by you as a mean to win against the system and get you advantages and elevate your life.
It was NOT suppose to be used by shitty ass men as means to keep you walking on eggshells trying to maintain his attraction towards you.
Do you not realize how disturbing it is that workplaces EXPECT women to wear makeup and be fully dolled up from head to toe -- otherwise she is "unprofessional"?
And we all think "Oh that's just normal, that's how it is working a professional career." If all your male bosses and workmates look like model magazine? Yeah sure, make sense -- but not when Johnny from IT comes in with stained shirt and smelling like moldy bread.
Makeup isn't suppose to be a noose around your neck and a chain on your feet.
Like how the women in South Korea are treated like they committed the most horrendous of sin when they forgo their makeup of the day.
If that's happening to you -- know that your weapon has been snatched from your hand and are now being pointed to your head.
You are at the mercy of whoever's using the makeup as the means to keep you tearfully looking at the mirror because your eyebrow is not cooperating with you today.
And you have to realize -- it is not genuine "confidence" when you only feel that when wearing makeup, and it is not genuine "power" when you can only exercise it with makeup on.
Makeup is a tool -- it should stay a tool. [YOU] should be the one in total control of it.
Makeup should follow YOUR MOOD.
You feel like classy Marilyn on Monday.
A glam Beyonce on Tuesday.
Couldn't give a rat's ass on Wednesday, so dumpsterfire hobo it is.
Elegant Audrey on Thursday, but period comes early that evening so you just say "F**k it" and wipe it all off.
People should get a whiplash from how quick your mood changes -- and nothing they say can get to you.
Because you just feel like whatever the heck you feel like looking at that particular point in time.
And each and every mood changes feel as natural as breathing.
No explanation, no justification, no defending, just you shrugging and "I feel like it" or "I don't feel like it."
That's what it means to be in total control.
Of course people will try and say and guilt trip you and "gently advice" you this way and that -- that's people for ya, they have mouths so they speak;
But you just don't give a sh*t.
And people who genuinely likes you, and accept you, and stand behind you will shrug as well and say "That's just how she is."
Pick makeup up when you feel like it -- and throw it in the drawer when you don't feel like it.
And when you glance at yourself in the mirror, you will laugh because your eyebrows are looking absolutely crazy today -- and you love it.
Tool, not chain.
Stay safe, Stay WOMAN.
Great post.
Makeup trends have gotten so extreme, I think girls coming of age today dont even fully realize that makeup is optional.
I wish girls would look away from their phones, look at the women around them, and realize that most women wear minimal makeup, or none at all. Does your mom wear fake eyelashes every day? No! So why are you letting Instagram and the beauty industry trick you into thinking that you're naked without fake eyelashes? Did your favorite teacher spend an hour on her makeup every morning before school? No! So dont let anyone trick you into thinking you need makeup to succeed or be taken seriously at work.
At the risk of sounding all "back in my day", girls gotta know that just a few years ago, the ONLY place you would see fake lashes was on literal models on literal runways, or on literal drag queens at literal drag shows. Dont emulate drag queens - they are misogynist men who mock women for the entertainment of other misogynist men. I shouldn't be telling women what to do, but please avoid wearing makeup that makes you look like a drag queen. You deserve better.
Do what you want, but my point is just that you need to know makeup is optional. You really really dont need to wear it if it doesn't "spark joy", if you will. I used to wear makeup, then at some point I relized that it was stressing me out more than it was providing any sort of benefit. So I stopped wearing it. It was really very simple.
And pro tip: if you never wear makeup, then you never get comments about how you look "tired". Compared to a face covered in enough products that you look like a mannequin, a clean face looks "tired". But your clean face looks exactly how it's supposed to look. No one will think you look "tired" if they arent used to seeing you look like a mannequin.
EDIT to add: just wanted to mention, the compulsory feminine beauty practices are so bad today that if a girl doesnt want to wear makeup she's told its because she's actually a boy and she needs to twanzition to male or nOn-BiNaWy. I mean, it's really extreme and dangerous how much thee beauty practices are normalized and nearly forced on girls.
This is a much needed post and it’s disturbing how there are all these double beauty standards but its ok for men to come into work with a shitstain or not have to wipe their own ass.
I really hate this’”no makeup look” trend too. men will claim I like natural beauty!! And refer to a woman wearing minimal makeup lmao thats how normalized it is of us to wear it everyday, like I agree fuck that.
on the other hand, I still enjoy makeup but I will only wear it comfortably. i get an allergic reaction to most of it anyway so it’s just simple mascara, eyeliner and a red lipstick on within a few mins and I’m out the door. I think it’s a waste of time when we’re spending an hour contouring or obsessively keeping up with beauty trends.
We def need to put our comfort up there as top priority
i avoid makeup and wear it ocasionally, very little. just some lipstick and mascara, rarely more than that. and i have melasma. still refuse to cover it. i'd rather treat it. yes, i know it's still cometics and still profits from women's insecurities, but i'm not perfect. i do have insecurities.
thing is, i try as hard as i can to avoid everything that i know is based on misogyny. im able to avoid makeup most of the time, but not all the time. i don't think it's "fun" and i don't see it as a tool - at least not in my particular case. but i understand the point you're trying to make with this post. you're right: if a woman enjoys make up, better make sure she uses it as a tool, not as a noose.
omg and the way women get defensive around this topic is unbelievable. i see it as a sign of pickmeism and deep dee insecurity that needs to be taken care of. besides, everything these days seem to be justified by "oh but i like it". are you sure you actually like something that is harmful to you? (not referring exclusively to make up here) think about it. "i feel good, i feel beautiful, i feel xyz" ok, but why? i just wish we reflected upon these things more often instead of defending cetain things without questioning.
Thank you for this important post. My mother started my makeup obsession early on by telling me I’d better “learn how to apply makeup or no man will ever want you.” I still struggle with it to be honest. I don’t leave the house without makeup. I have also struggled with BDD. I think my makeup ritual runs deeper than wanting to look pretty, though. It’s an identity issue. The ritual of putting on makeup is pampering and calming but also … dissociative. It is a ritual where I apply my mask. Without the mask I cannot go out into the world and face what will happen to me. With the mask on, whatever happens isn’t really happening to the real me, to the person on the inside. At the height of my trauma I would always listen to a certain kind of hypnotic music as I applied it, which helped me imagine I was someone else, like a person in a music video or a movie. I would feel out of my body by the the time I left the house. This got me until noon when I could have my first drink.
My biggest problem with this is money… I see women in low paid jobs. Using a large part of their income on lashes, nails, hair, waxing, Botox or whatever. I am like “Shouldn’t you be saving for a car or an apartment?” I feel all of those things listed above is first of all, OPTIONAL and LUXURIOUS habits. I think it’s insane to use 50% or more on beauty and looks of your income. It’s because they want to look good for men. Is that worth going broke for?! And, the TIME! Omg! It’s hours upon hours. What a waste. Basic makeup is enough for me. Would never put that much time and effort into beauty. I would rather work and pay down my mortgage.
A male told me this once “you should wear makeup if u want to be more likable even though it’s superficial. It’s scientifically proven” Likable to who?? This is why I’ll never stress myself about wearing make up to work or school.
I'm here to back what others have already said in the comments:
1 - My narc ex used to complain that I didn't wear enough makeup, my hair was too short, not wearing enough dresses and heels. Beware that make up is a tool of control when in the hands of men. Men should not have any outspoken opinions on your makeup, unless they are positive.
2 - From my late teens, I went switched to "non-toxic/natural" makeup, skincare, soaps, lotions, hair etc, and stuck to it rigorously. I also rarely wear make-up; only on weekends usually. I'm now early 30s, and 25 year olds always think I am their age or younger. No one has ever said I look sick...
I switched back to conventional products (the Ordinary) for 1 year. I didn't realise, but it made my wrinkles deeper. When I went back to natural oils as a moisturiser, same wrinkle almost disappeared.
I only occasionally wear make-up, and then it's minimal. I feel like I'm being disingenuous when I wear it. When I see girls or women wearing layers of the stuff, I do judge them. I feel bad about that, but it looks so peculiar!
I actually don’t wear makeup because it’s expensive and my skin is too sensitive. I don’t care if other women choose to wear makeup or not. I was thinking about wearing makeup for fun in the future when I have more money and find what works for me. I agree that makeup doesn’t have to be an everyday thing. Wear it when YOU feel like wearing it
It took me years to learn makeup. I learned basically because my profession (hotels and airlines) requires it as part of uniform. It was a journey 😅 But now it has become as easy as wearing clothes and just as easy to not wear it when I'm not at work. I enjoy makeup :) And I enjoy being without makeup too🌺 My favourite part is when I finally remove it, wash my face and put lotion 🥰
Makeup is definitely a double edged sword and it makes me sad to see how many girls and women can't leave the house without it. I wear makeup almost every day and I feel hideous without it but not much better with it! Which is me being insecure, but this world makes money off of women being insecure and learning to present themselves for the male gaze.
Wearing makeup makes me feel more confident but not by much and I do feel awful about myself when I take my makeup off. But I'd never defend makeup as being "art" or just for me. It's not.
I never used to wear false eyelashes or fake tan but I think social media, particularly Instagram and of course TV has made me more conscious about my appearance so I now wear false lashes a lot more regularly.
It's great a lot of women in the comments here don't wear much makeup or any at all, but I'm getting weird vibes from some comments. Commenting that you look younger for avoiding makeup is still valuing your looks more than we probably should and getting validation from the opinions of strangers which is why many wear makeup too. It's great if you have a naturally pretty face, some people are lucky enough not to "need" makeup and have naturally prettier features than others. Me I have a very plain face so I feel like I "need" more makeup than others.
I feel like some women can be bitchy towards women who wear a lot of makeup, branding them fake. But someone caked in makeup can have the biggest heart, it's just a way you choose to present yourself so I don't think we should be judging other women for wearing makeup.
It's definitely messed up that wearing makeup is the norm tho!
I don't wear makeup unless it's a special occasions. I need to scratch my face and rub my eyes. If I wear makeup i usually rub my eye and have to remove it lol. I got lucky in the skin gene lottery though. No acne or other issues than sensitive skin.
I believe everyone has a different relationship with makeup. It’s commercial origins are obviously oppressive. However, as an autistic woman, my relationship is vastly different and not out of need. I don’t feel self conscious when it’s not being worn (hell I have trouble caring what others think of me socially in all contexts) . I wear it, because I am obsessed with spooky stuff. I try to look like a a spooky little battle queen for fun. However, I don’t wear any at work. My job requires a modest look.
This is an excellent post and really important. High quality right here.
Personally I'm in control of my makeup, for the most part. My skin is mostly under control, though it's been a huge battle as an oily-skinned person with sensitive skin that reacts a lot. So as a teen and young adult, concealer became my best friend. I still have some marks and scars and occasionally a zit or whatever, but it's so much better than it was, and I can step out of my apartment without anything on. Today I went and bought a new pair of running shoes without makeup on.
But - I love eye makeup, especially eye shadow. I'm not great at eye looks, like some people I follow on Youtube (see: Alexandra Anele, Mei Pang, etc) but I love playing with it, I love to apply it, and I love to put on eyeliner and mascara. It's fun for me and a source of feminine expression. I mentioned in another post that I buzzed my hair off because I've been suffering from hair loss, and walking around with a buzzed head (or a beanie on) and makeup still makes me feel empowered and feminine. And there's nothing wrong with makeup if it makes you feel good. There's nothing wrong with not wearing it if it makes you feel good. Do what makes you feel good and confident, girls!
I hid behind makeup in my early 20’s because caking on makeup was better than revealing a face riddled with pimples and hyperpigmentation scars. While makeup gave me the confidence to walk out the door, I now realize that I was using makeup to literally conceal my acne issues (pun intended) instead of actually addressing the cause of my acne. Fast forward to my 30’s, I no longer have a desire to put a single drop of foundation on my face. After getting my hormones in check and developing a decent skincare routine, my acne has subsided and my acne scars are finally fading. For the first time, I actually feel like my face is clear and glowing. The last time I put on full makeup (foundation + eyeshadow + mascara) I didn’t even feel like myself. I felt like I was putting on a mask. What was previously an empowering daily ritual became something that I just lost interested in completely. That said, it’s interesting how my preferences have changed. I value skincare over aesthetics/trends.
I’m not going to lie, I do not feel attractive without makeup. I used to always wear concealer to cover acne scars, but concealer would also cause the acne to appear so I stopped using it. I’ve gotten more used to seeing my face with the scars and talking to people when I’m not feeling like I look my best so I can say I’ve made some progress. It’s a slow journey, but im getting through it.
Can confirm. Growing up I have not been using make up much. Started with make-up late. After wearing make-up more often I started disliking my face. Need to cleanse myself of that now.
Makeup controls me more than I control it. I usually wear a full face but if I go bare, I’m at least ALWAYS wearing lipstick even when I’m alone. I haven’t always been this way and I want to be less reliant on it but I’ve come to hate my face without it. That being said, I don’t spend long on my makeup. Five to 10 minutes. Still, I feel self-conscious without it.