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In this case, the medium is truly the message.
At FDS, we know there are generally three tangible ways to know if a man likes you: if he spends time, money and effort on you.
Over the course of the week, two incidents from the past have popped in my mind that I thought might be useful context for others to learn from. At the time when these stories happened, my spider sense knew it was fucked up, but I gaslit myself.
Story one - When the ick rushes in
I lived with my ex for years, we split bills according to income, so it was about a 70/30 split with him paying more. After the horror of finding a solid job I liked, the first thing my asshole ex did was ask for another $100 a month in rent from me because it had increased months earlier and this was "fair". He thought he was doing me a favour by waiting to hit me up for more rent money. What a peach.
I was stunned and completely turned off. A man 20 years older than me, who made great money, needed to hit up his young gf for $100 extra a month. Yeesh. We mercifully already had a dead bedroom, thankfully, because there was no way I could get wet for him again after that. He made so much more money than me (and pissed it all away as fast as he made it), and I did everything at home. This guy didn't even know where we kept the hand soap refill container. Such a turn off. It felt like he needed the extra money to justify having me around.
Story two - Tell me what you really think of me
Years ago, I travelled to meet someone (lol, I know 🤡) who seemed interested in me. I had (of course) done all the planning for restaurants and activities, he did nothing. When we were headed out for the day, I suggested a place for drinks and lunch we could hit up throughout the afternoon. His reply? "Millennialpink, those places are expensive." Ladies, this is the man who bragged about having a driver and making mad cash! The math isn't mathing. That's the moment I knew he didn't even like me.
The lesson here is to listen for the small comments and statements from men when it comes to spending their money on you. They will show you what they really think of you when the chips are down and their wallet is on the table.
A man who asks you for money to cover the bills hates you. A man who tells you the place you want to visit is expensive doesn't like you. When a man likes you, he'll happily go broke paying to impress you.
Feel free to add yours
You know what’s crazy? I’ve been lucky enough to have some truly HV men mentor me (all happily married & not interested in me). And these men-THEY held the door for me. They drove. And they wouldn’t hear of it when I offered to pay for anything. But the LV men I’ve dated…yeah. It was all “you got this right?” & “I got the last one…” or just letting the bill sit there. Honestly, maybe TMI but if a man isn’t generous as fuck, I can’t feel any sexual attraction for him anymore.
There’s nothing fucking worse than when a man keeps score of all the times he’s paid and waits till you’re in an argument to list off all the things he’s done for you too. Like there’s the action, and then there’s being fucking genuine about it. It really sucks to hear it too cause if you had fun dates it casts a negative shadow over the whole thing. It’s really hard to come back from comments like that. If a man pays he should always stand on what he did, never throw it in your face later 🤮
I playfully asked a classmate to show me the demonstration he did for a class presentation (I missed class that day) and he demanded that I buy him lunch in return.
fortunately your writing style is absolutely fantastic!
while most of the scrotes i’ve dated dropped some kind of cash on me (except for that one during Peak PickMe, who was a poor ex-con schizophrenic….i know, i know) i can think of one current employer who is starting to get shafty.
i feel like a veil is lifting ladies! thank you for this post: i can see how maybe my lack of receptivity has made my life harder than it has to be.
live and learn!
may we all be ruthless and thrive.
I will never understand men who pretend to be wealthy and then get mad about having to spend money. Either commit to the bit, or stay in your lane.
this only goes to show how men see us as objects. if he doesn't want to spend money on you, he thinks you're not worth the investment. if he pays whatever it takes to be with you, he loves and values you. both situations are very objectifying imo.
if men saw us as human beings, they wouldn't show their love with money. they would do it differently. it doesn't have to be something expensive, but it has to be thoughtful. something that shows he pays attention to what i like and what is important to me. so if i like expensive diamonds, that's what he should give me. and if i like unexpensive romantic hand-written letters, that's what he should give me.
if his love language and actions to show he appreciates his partner is based on money, that means he sees you as a thing, not a person.
I could’ve wrote story #1 word for word. Whoever you are, thank you for writing this. It all makes sense now.