Walking away from pickme coach

I recently ended an engagement with a life coach I had (also recently) started working with. I had actually been a fan of this person for a long time (years) and had purchased certain items from them, engaged with their work/brand etc, but this was a more intimate/personalised experience. Well, it didn't go well at all 🤦‍♀️ and from the very first session my body started flagging me. I tried navigating through it gracefully (some things are workable, riiiiiight?) until my body WOULD NOT EVEN LET ME ATTEND any more sessions. Well, eventually I communicated (somewhat) my feelings as to how things were not working for me. And then, after some conversations, eventually we ended things (as I knew I could not go on). Unfortunately, Even the ending was ICK (!!!!), and has further solidified to me that this person is unable to hold up the standard that I am available for. And is not right for me. And so I walk away from this now with a few re/learnings:

• VETTING NEVER STOPS. & NOT JUST WITH MEN. • PEOPLE WE ADMIRE CAN BE PROFESSIONAL PICK MEs TOO. (She has significant boundary issues) • VET!!! IN ALL AREAS OF LIFE. • NEVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS / DULL YOUR SHINE JUST TO MAKE ANOTHER MORE COMFORTABLE! Especially when you are paying them for a service. HOLD YOUR STANDARD. HOLD YOUR VALUE. If they are able to rise to it, great, if not. Consider Goodbye. Your time, money, energy, and joy are precious. Obviously (well I hope), some things were out of my control in that I could not have known she was going to behave in that way until I was in that kind of context. So, I forgive myself. BUT maybe I can keep a keener eye out for things in the future.

The experience did serve me in some ways (that I won't go into here), so I will take that with me, and leave the rest. And, even though I have had to grieve it a bit (the offer/program (in writing!) was just so aligned for me, and I was really invested and committed, not just financially...) I have to say, wow, I am starting to feeling SOOO much better. Letting go of the unhealthy attachment, icky dynamics, my heart is feeling clearer and lighter, and I am returning back to more of my power. I have more of my energy back. There is great healing and power in owning one's 'No'. There was a knot in my stomach - now untangling It feels good to be back in more alignment.

I also want to celebrate that I didn't expend much time and energy on trying to change anyone or anything in this situation. I offered some (limited) feedback, and that was it. It is not my job to hold everyone to account all the time. It gets boring! She got to choose how to respond to the situation, and I got to choose that also.

Freedom!!

Now, there is that gap to fill, and I am on the look out for a better match! Wish me luck, alignment, and clear vision!