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I started taking dance classes at a new place less than two months ago. I am really enjoying them: the teacher is patient, easy going, approachable. I have learned so much and have been going back regularly. Plus, the students are great, except one.
This past weekend, I went to another class. After teaching us a few steps, the instructor invited us to pair up with a partner to practice what we had learned so far. Although I had danced with this man before, I was struggling with him this time around. I remember one time, the teacher checked in on us as she usually does to look for things we can improve on. I had shared an issue that I had while dancing him and the teacher corrected him. I now remember that at the end of the dance, he told me (bitterly, in hindsight) something along the lines that we both had to work on things that he couldn't only be one person that works on stuff. This time, however, things went worse.
We danced quite clumsily. I stepped on his toes a couple of times. I was following the music, he was dancing to his own counts. We stopped and started numerous times. However, his behaviour and attitude really hurt me. He was huffing and puffing and kept criticizing my moves. He was growing impatient and I thought he was going to burst in anger. At the end of each dance, students usually high five each other and switch partners. He just left saying nothing, which was fine by me. I mean, I want to keep as much distance from him as possible.
This week, we danced again. It went well (I was gray rocking him, distant and disengaged), but I still don't feel okay. I had asked the instructor if I could take some time off to practice on my own instead of being paired up and she told me it was fine. However, I didn't share the incident in detail, I just told her that I sometimes lack chemistry and it can be difficult to learn with certain people. I feel like I'm on autopilot mode and want to walk on eggshells to please him. What's worse is that I had listed things I could do keep my distance from him, for example, drink water, go to the washroom, practice on my own, but I didn't do that.
I want to learn and improve, but I also want to feel comfortable doing so at my own pace. I don't want this bad experience to deter me or scare me away from dancing.
I struggle to assert myself. I was thinking I could just tell him that I do not want to dance with him anymore, but I worry this might be too direct, especially since it is a small group. Any advice on how to set boundaries in this situation ?
Partner rotations in class usually are not too long, so I personally would probably just grit my teeth. But you should not dance with anyone that makes you uncomfortable, and maybe it is time such men learn how uncomfortable they make us. I think your approach of busying youself whenever it is time to pair up with him is a good indirect method that gives him the hint while avoiding confrontation, which is probably how I would do it. Just be ready to practice solo whenever he comes up in the rotation.
But if you want to avoid the charade, you can let him know directly the next time it comes to partner with him. You could tell him that he injured you during your last dance and so for your safety you will not dance with him again. Or tell him straight up that you were not comfortable during your last dances and therefore will not dance with him again. Or go Bartleby the Scrivener on him and inform him that you prefer not to with no further explanation.