Values shifting in life - is this normal?

Omg. You are like a carbon copy of me. I’ll be 28 next month. I used to love coding so much; now not so much. I still have to do it as my job though. I used to be so into frugality and FIRE and boglehead etc Now not so much, I stopped being so stingy with myself and spend well on self care, nice clothes and bags, skin care etc. Things I would have cringed at paying for before. I’m now 100 percent comfortable single. It baffles my pickme friends. They all think I’m lonely lol. I picked up writing fiction as a creative hobby. I even embraced philosophy Tell you what I noticed; most of my major values changes correlate with when I started to love myself more. I mean real love and care for myself. And also when I stopped caring so much what people thought of me and my life because of an emerging stronger sense of self. I used to be such a people pleaser. I went to therapy and did some healing. I started to appreciate life more and enjoy it and I realized that time is precious and I have to live my life like l I’ll never live it twice. So maybe working on healing ourselves of our trauma and becoming better women inevitably shifts what we value. I still care about frugality and financial Independence but no longer at the expense of a rich and fulfilling life. Hope that helps.

This is so normal! Partly it's due to growing up, growing older, gaining experiences in life, both positive and negative. Some things stay with you a long time or even your whole life; other things you try out, quickly abandon, or stick with for a while.

Basing my answers off yours, I did teaching for 26 years, now I want next to nothing to do with it. I'd like to become a Laurel in the Society for Creative Anachronism, which involves some teaching, but this is fun: medieval arts and crafts, no administrators, no standards, just fun, and for a receptive audience. This I can handle.

I've become more frugal and more of a stay-at-home person partly due to retirement and having less income, partly due to Covid. I used to prioritize career first; now family is most important, again partly due to Covid, retirement, moving closer to be back home.

I still want to keep working, but given how different it is between laid-back California and Louisiana, a right-to-be-fired state, I'd rather work for myself as a caterer. I love how this means I have a lot to learn and a whole new area in life to gain expertise over.

And finally, marriage is not something I want at all a third time: been there, done that twice for 25 years, almost half my life. If I find another relationship, fine, and if not, fine; it's just not a priority. Being around friends, family, community is the priority, along with eating well, always striving for good health. In some ways, especially after retirement, one's world shrinks a bit, but only outwardly. Inwardly, I can't tell you how much I've expanded into knowing myself, being able to read others lightning quick; my art is exploding; I'm more connected to myself, other people, nature. I feel like I'm in touch with the universe, and I'm content -- not complacent, always growing and learning, but deeply content in myself.

Look into “Saturn return.” Hope it gives you some insight! https://chaninicholas.com/saturn-return/

I definitely felt like some of the values I had in my early 20s were shaped by a need to be rational and losing touch with my emotions, which was also influenced by my experience of emotional abuse. I had walls up and thought that the way to live life is by analyzing and "intellecting" my way through it. Also, I had some internalized misogyny going on. On top of that, I used to frequently dissociate as a coping mechanism for my anxiety. Like you, at the same age btw, I've found that I'm still an analytical person but it's not ALL of me and it doesn't completely fulfill me, I'm thinking about adjusting my career path from software/web development to include more creative work, I rediscovered some of my more feminine traits, and I definitely prioritize home and family life more. I'd say this is completely normal and I've just stopped shaming myself for not being the stone cold, super rational,non-girly woman in tech that I thought I had to be.

I’m 27 and can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. For me I think I emotionally shut down for a lot of my life and in adulthood finally started to shake out of it slowly through developing nurturing friendships. I think we are mammals and a life of pure coding is for robots. I think you are also learning to recognize your emotional needs and are learning to acknowledge and fulfill them! I say listen to yourself! Do not judge how you are feeling, try to understand it. I would be happy to chat too!

I know this post is old but I'd like to say yes! I quit drinking and smoking for good and moved back home with my elderly parents.

I ditched an addict boyfriend fling and have been spending my time focused on my career, reading and listening to documentaries. Getting rid of destructive habits and people creates a gigantic shift in values. I've begun the work of healing and understanding my trauma issues.

I already feel like a kinder, more patient , loving person who also has very firm boundaries. FDS has helped me de-center men from my life and allow me to grow into my self once and for all.