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Thinking of a positive post today and I want to name some of the less discussed / less thought about green flags that high value people tend to display. Obviously, proceed with caution because these traits do not always indicate that a person is HV. Keep in mind that some people will act HV especially in a workplace or social setting.
Less Thought About Green Flags:
Going out of your way to hold the door for someone, especially if a man sees a woman and runs up / out of his way to get the door for her
Doesn't hog the aisle at the store, let's people through without them having to keep saying excuse me
Gives people personal space
Covers his mouth, washes his hands, etc.
Has "patience" in his mannerisms and voice
If he does people a favor he doesn't act like it's a big deal and is subtle over it, doesn't expect anything in return
HV people in general are generous, lenient, and understanding. It's obvious in retail and public settings. They're kind and understanding to the staff, dont fuss if something is out of stock and don't make a massive stink or get rude if an employee made a mistake. They are consistently as respectful to a janitor as to a higher up.
They aren't constantly on their phone. When they do HAVE take a call/text it's subtle, more quiet, and they'll excuse themselves if possible.
They don't park like assholes or blast music. They'll use their turn signals, won't tailgate, and be mindful of following the rules
They'll return baskets/carts at stores. They won't leave messes for employees to deal with.
Weird one but their wallets are usually neat, clean, and on the more organized side. Hv people tend to not carry tons of cash or unnecessarily use big bills for small totals/showing off. He won't be showing you his cards or cash in some weird peacocking attempt.
Another weird one: he may already be getting his wallet out /payment ready ahead of time. But not in a huffy way, more of in a way to not hold others up or to also pay so it's already taken care of. I've seen my HV relatives do this and have seen some customers with HV traits do this.
If someone does THEM a favor, they're appreciative and not "greedy" they won't take advantage. If anything They'll be surprised because they didn't expect anything.
When people are in public with really bad/loud kids, they will just mind their own business. They won't give dirty looks, make commentary, etc.
Hv people are respectful of other people's time. He won't be blowing up your phone or pesting you. He will be mindful of when he does contact you. He will know you're busy. But he also won't mind if you "pest" him - he'll make it known you aren't actually "pesting" him and it's not a problem.
He will check in on you - hv people will make sure you got home okay even if the date didn't work out. He'll check up on you especially if he knows you looked stressed or weren't feeling good etc. He will ask if you need anything.
Hv people pay attention to your specifics. He'll learn what your specific starbucks order is, what snacks you specifically like, and conversely learn to not take you to that type of restaurant you loathe.
Hv people also tend to ask if you have any dietary needs /food allergies before picking a restaurant ie if you're vegan or allergic to fish, for example.
Hv people always tend to LISTEN ACTIVELY in a conversation. They'll genuinely LOOK interested as you talk about anything, even the mundane or something they aren't into. And they'll make points to remember or ask questions. They won't argue, shame, or be zoned out.
Hv people tend to make you feel like you're the most important person in the room, wherever you are. His focus will be on you. He wants you to be comfortable and he will want to ensure you are taken care of.
Hv people may seem on the "boring" side and they'll step with caution and take things slow and steady. If you've been love bombed this will feel boring and slow, but everytime he does see /talk to you he's consistent, interested, present, and makes you feel like a million dollars. Hv people will also give you healthy space so you can get stuff done and spend time with your friends/ family.
Hv people also tend to be good employees. They'll generally be liked at work and have a good work ethic. They're on time, productive, and caring. Beware though on this one because a lot of LVM act like HVM at work.
What are the other subtle green flags you can add?
Idk if most people just suck, but this list seems more like bare minimum basic human decency traits. But yeah, unfortunately I guess most people just suck.
Hmmm I don't agree with all of these but to each their own.
To me one of the biggest ones is: integrity.
high value people value integrity in themselves and in others, and will usually act in integrity within themselves. And you can't really fake integrity.
This all seems like general politeness to me, not high value. I've met plenty of men who are polite like this but still LV.
Hv people always tend to LISTEN ACTIVELY in a conversation. They'll genuinely LOOK interested as you talk about anything, even the mundane or something they aren't into. And they'll make points to remember or ask questions. They won't argue, shame, or be zoned out. Has anyone noticed that some men dont' seem interested in what you have to say at all? I've been actively monitoring that in dating apps. Like if the first messages he doesn't ask me "how about you/something about me" and theyre just talking about them I unmatch.
I try not to judge people on the small things, and ppl being minor assholes on certain micro habits doesn't mean they are bad. I consider myself HV in many ways and one of the things that makes me that way is not judging ppl too harshly.
IMO... HV people have careers that are fulfilling in some way, have a great community of HV people of both genders, and spend their free time doing valuable things.
They also do things above and beyond like participating in nonprofits boards etc (rather than just volunteering) and community organizations and events. They also invest in quality time with their families and friend groups.
Personally I'm suspicious of people who are perfect all the time. It comes off as a front for manipulation.
I think it was discussed back when FDS was in reddit that discussing green flags is not productive, because it can cloud our judgement when the actual red flag appears. It happens a lot, right? "He cheated on me, but he's so kind, he bought me a bouquet of flowers as apology" ☹️
HV people value your time. If they’re running late, they let you know right away and apologize !
I agree that green flags are subjective and not entirely reliable, so not every item on your list apply to me. However I do believe that you can tell a lot about a person by the company they choose to keep. I like to make the distinction between company we can't influence i.e., immediate family members, certain colleagues etc. For example, you could meet the most charming man but find out that his best friend cheats on his wife regularly. Or a 'gentleman' whose buddies freqent strip joints etc. To a certain extent I believe birds of a feather flock together and would therefore cancel any green or atleast throw up an amber flag.
So, what if you have these HV traits, but you also get really frustrated or angry when other people don't. Asking for a *friend* who has excellent grocery store etiquette but silently rages at people who take up too much space and are oblivious about the things and people in their vicinity. Sometimes my *friend* will give especially egregious etiquette violators a dirty look, but thats as far as she takes it.
I agree with this list - considerate, unassuming and empathetic. I know very few men with these qualities, but the ones I know with these traits are HV.