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I've been struggling so hard with having a crush on a man I have to deal with because of my job. He works at a nearby business and my boss often sends me to discuss little things with him. I've tried so many of the strategies and finally started getting this crush under control. The fact that I still have to keep seeing him and talking to him though always still brings butterflies. It doesn't help that my coworker recently noticed and teased me saying how this dude likes me and then encouraged me to act like a pickme and chase him 🤡
Anyways I try to keep stuff quiet and to myself. I try to be short and sweet and professional. When I do happen to see this dude I'll say hello and keep busy. I don't give him opportunities to talk to me about non work stuff because I'm always keeping occupied or have to "be someone where."
What's been especially helpful is that I started Journaling. I'll write down the date and write down what happened that day and I'll mention if this dude came around and how he acted.
And once in a while I feel myself growing feelings too much, I'll reread parts of the journal asking myself: what effort has he put in? How has he added value to my life? Has his behavior started changing (mask slip)? What's did he really do versus what I'm imagining /wanting him to do? This is a hard way of facing the truth- that often times these guys aren't doing anything HV and haven't made effort.
The other thing I do is imagine back to when I started living with a LVM years ago. Dude was not showered in his clothes from yesterday, eating fast food, and had been playing some new video game he dropped $75 on. There were dirty dishes piled in the sink and it stank. In the bathroom there were poop smears in the toliet bowl, and the sink had toothpaste and beard clippings in it. I'd been gone for the weekend and that's what I came home to. Then he gave me attitude when it was his mess. So now I literally imagine whoever I'm crushing on slumped over playing video games, the stink, and being treated that way.
Now when I see this guy around work, I have no desire to actually date or even get to know him more because we need to assume ALL MEN ... yes ALL MEN .... are the dirtiest, most financially irresponsible, depraved, LVM. When I check my journal no surprise, he actually has NOT made any effort or done anything to pursue me.
My coworker noticed him talking to me at work and then started teasing me saying how much that dude likes me and obviously I got embarassed and he's like oh its mutual. I just laughed and he was like how long? You have his number right? And I was like no, he never asked. My (male) coworker was actually dumbfounded and couldn't believe someone that "likes me so much" over MONTHS still didn't even have my phone number. He asked why not.... I just shrugged my shoulders and said I had to get back to work. Point is other scrotes KNOW. My male coworker is lv, he's not totally as awful as others, but even he was like wtf how didn't he even ask for your number? What I won't tell him is "if he wanted to, he would." (Another thing with the journal is it confirmed it really has been MONTHS and it all points out how the dude I liked is LV)
i go to a gym i love very much. Over the past year or so....been stalked by a cop, have sum guys that have been aligning their schedules with mine for MONTHS TO A YEAR....and cant put a name on any of these fuckers. Pathetic really. No approaching. No initiative. No gumption. Only reason i happened to know the cops name is because someone arbitrarily told it to me. Trust me kid, its nuts. Stick to yourself, stick to ur guns.
this is so good and really reveals how LITTLE most men do to cultivate relationships with women. stay centered, sis!
This is a great reminder for all of us. If they wanted to, they would. There is zero reason for a guy to not ask you out and make the first move for months. How many women, who don't know about FDS, would start chasing him? I wonder if he actually wants you to chase. Good for you not doing it and getting control of this crush. You are doing great.
Men are truly so useless and want to be the one being princessed nowadays 🤢
It’s super weird when a guy sends out signals that he likes me and doesn’t act, expecting me to chase him. I’ve been in social situations where these guys don’t even talk to me or try to go from hello to a kiss - buddy doesn’t even know me! We haven’t had a conversation - he knows nothing about me. I love relaxed banter and they don’t even do that. Can hardly imagine being with one and having nothing to talk about, ha!