How do I deal with guys that talk down to me?

So basically they neg to make you feel inferior, or as a way of creating conversation because they don't know how else to get your attention. Nothing makes them more mad than when you ignore them, so just stay unbothered and don't engage. Ask questions back instead of answering, it will take you off the defensive and force them to think of a response. Then you can just ignore their response. "Do you listen to music?" "Doesn't everyone?" "Do you really not know it's midterms?" "Did I say that?" "Well no but you said -- (blah blah blah)." "If that's what you want to think."

Wish I could say this gets better once you leave grad school, but... it won't. To be fair, I've worked with male leaders and peers who were respectful of my insight and skills. But, unfortunately, I do encounter patronizing men in my field more often than I'd like.

I have my own business, so when I encounter this type of man, it's helpful in that I don't waste my time working with them. Usually, I assume one of these two things:

1. They are trying to avoid paying me what I'm worth

2. Or, they are threatened by me in some way, especially if there is a potential knowledge gap (on their end)

I've gotten requests to make a post about this specifically from the tech workplace perspective, but the fragile male ego is deeply entrenched across the corporate (and, I imagine, academic) sphere. Sometimes I don't even think the latter group realizes what they're doing because they are conditioned their entire lives to see women as less capable. When they encounter a woman who is capable, that is a threat to their identity and beliefs about themselves, whether it's rational or not.

I deal with it by being professional and cordial, but choosing not to work with these people. I too have let the frustration and insult get to me at times. Just keep focusing on yourself and working toward your goals. Ignore the insecure little boys. You've got this!

When someone tries to make you feel inferior (male or female) an easy comeback to always have in your back pocket is "I guess what everyone says about you is true". Don't raise your voice and say it slowly. Casually walk away, if you can. Otherwise just direct your attention elsewhere. I find this comeback leaves them dumbfounded and gets them in their head thinking something like, "What people is she talking about? What exactly are they saying? Why are they saying this? What does this mean?" Meanwhile you walk away completely unbothered! 😆

Stare him for a few seconds grimacing like he's got three heads, say "you sound like a [any insult that might or might not make sense, confusing him is cool, try "burn victim", or if that's too weird, just "psycho) right now", and then walk away. Then just avoid him as much as you can. It'll give you the upper hand so he stops thinking that you're beneath him. Then excel in your career and become his boss.

I also went to grad school for the same major :)

I’m pretty used to this by now, both in engineering and in co-ed sports. How I deal with it is I block them in real life, like that black mirror episode. I don’t respect or give my energy to scum bags.

You don’t have to act unhinged or difficult, unless you want to and in that case go for it girl. But honestly I would just IRL block them. They’re trash.

I will say it got better for me, at least at my current company!

Oh damn I'm pretty brutal when smart-mouthing people because when I get to that point I'm 100% done. You have to be quick on your feet but one of the easiest things to do is just flip the logic of what they're saying.

1. You can literally DARVO. "Do you not know it's midterms?" Actually no! I don't know what I'm doing here, or my name, or what day it is AHHHHHHH

2. I also basically do the nanny/teacher/stern grandma approach when they're just being assholes for no reason "aww do you really need to be leveling criticism at others right now? We're all painfully aware of *x insecurity* but behaving this way just draws others' attention to it." Or something

3. Sarcastic misdirects. Holy shit. One of the BEST convo destroyers I ever used was "wow I really could not be MORE disinterested." Get their hopes up then dash them sarcastically.

4. Superficially remove them from the conversation. If someone else is present, address them. If it's just you and them, switch to third person like you're narrating a youtube video and don't physically look at or acknowledge them. Men's ego REQUIRE acknowledge and few things piss men off more than you pretending the conversation doesn't involve them at all when THEY in fact need YOU.

5. And then there's just the ice queen approach and you can be as outwardly an asshole as him but be prepared for escalation if you do this but sometimes a taste of their own medicine is the only cure.

6. Another specific one to your situation I think would be basically making it clear you aren't compensated to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING at your job so that's why people like whoever ARE paid to do so. If you (asshole) didn't serve some purpose, you wouldn't be here, remember? smile condescendingly

7. And as far as the sarcastic comment about "do you really" listen to music I would have been like dO yOu ReAlLy insert x thing he's clearly prideful about ex: driving his car, drinking, going on dates, suceeding at work, etc

If you want more advice I specialize in this area. Lmk 😈