advice on how to stop consuming porn

Honestly, what changed for me when I was in my pornsick/pick-me days was having a man I’d asked to choke me get soft and seriously say, “why would you ask that? I’d never want to hurt you.” And then he made sweet, gentle, kind love to me that had me orgasm from sex for the first time and it blew. My. Mind. I never went back to men who watched porn after that and after sex with him I couldn’t see porn as cheap, misogynistic trash. Good men did exist and they’d never, ever want to hurt me. My pornsickness drove him away, too. It made him sooo uncomfortable. Like, I’d ask him to cum on my face and he’d balk. Or to spank me. Or to fuck my face. He had none of it and would just flip me on my back and make out with me while giving me slow, gentle, passionate sex. It was the best sex I’d ever had at the time. (Only topped by my most recent ex.) This led me down the anti-porn rabbit hole and now I have stats and the fact it’s misogynistic and violent and traumatic and that it’s economically coerced rape and just plain terrible to view to back it up. Now porn just creeps me out and doesn’t turn me on at all, it’s so staged and performative and v i o l e n t. Making love to me is sacred now, it must be done with love and care and kindness and gentleness and passion and true emotion. Porn is just violence against women.

I used to read erotica when I was a young teen and curious about sex. I quickly discovered how addicting it is when I tried to stop reading it one day. I found the only way to quit was cold turkey. The mental withdrawal symptoms shocked me. I thought, "It's just stories! How can these be addicting? I didn't notice when I was reading them, but how could they make me crave reading more so badly once I try to stop?"

I haven't read erotica in a decade. I don't miss it. I'm even disgusted by it because I'm no longer enslaved to it and knew what it did to me when I was reading it. I don't like to be manipulated like that. Now that I'm older, wiser, have more experience, and no longer emotionally enslaved to the addiction, my mind and eyes are clear and can see it for what it is: Pickmeism misogyny. Most erotica has themes of, "it's so cool and sexy when men beat and abuse women both physically and mentally! Here's story after story where your brain is hyper-focusing for hours on women like you learning to enjoy getting beaten, manipulated, and mauled. If you're in pain or constantly feeling humiliated by a man, that means the man who's hurting you is a Big Strong Sex God. :) Men are big and strong and women are tiny and weak so you should learn to love your rightful place and learn to orgasm to men abusing you! What other option is there? No cool, rich, handsome man would ever want sex that doesn't hurt you!!!! :)"

Just like cutting out any bad habit from your life, you can't cave in and allow yourself to do it every now and then. Go cold turkey. There might be some relapse and there will be a lot of craving and discomfort, but never do it willingly or mindfully. The end of the tunnel is you no longer emotionally enslaved to gorging your brain with misogynistic content. Remember, you are what you eat and your mind is whatever you feed it, too. What you feed your body and mind matters!

Hey Queen, I'm in the same boat as you! What worked for me after I relapsed was avoiding masturbation for a while. My streak was two weeks, which was the longest I had ever gone without masturbating since I started. Not only was my energy refocused and but it helped me identify my triggers for masturbation, which were often boredom or stress. I felt like a less of a slave to my urges. Once you have developed a kink it's unlikely it'll disappear completely. However, you can direct your sexual energy towards other avenues you find more acceptable. I find I feel so ashamed of some of my porn induced kinks that it eliminates any pleasure. Once you identify the shame cycle and why you have such kinks, you can kick the habit a lot easier. Some resources include r/pornfreewomen on Reddit, it was helpful back when I had Reddit. NoFap's website and Fight the New Drug are also helpful.

My couple of tips are:

Masturbate in the shower with a waterproof toy. Be physically in the water so you can't be using your phone at the same time.

I also created an orgasm playlist of songs that are more lovey dovey that help me out with my fantasies and getting in the mood. Like Hot Tea by Half-Alive or November by PatrickReza

Allow me to ruin erotica for you: 99% of it is written by fat, balding, middle-aged men trying to re-write their lives via fantasy smut. They get off knowing women are reading their made up stories, it's just another way to fetishize our attention. And most of them will pretend to be women online. You really wanna flick your bean to the words of some sad boomer's keyboard Renaissance while he neglects emotionally fulfilling relationships with his adult children? Source: my ex told me his 55yo dad's secret once. My other age-gap ex who was 48 at the time also admitted this. And there was a Reddit thread once about smut farms where men were contracting other men to write women's romance novels.

If you space out your masturbation sessions as far as you can, it won't take much to reach completion and you won't feel you need material to help you orgasm.

Hey! I'm in the same boat. My job caused me a lot of stress and I relapsed watching a lot of porn for relief. The types of porn out there have deeply disturbed me, even if I watched vanilla stuff, I still had to scroll through a bunch of humiliation stuff that was hard to look at. I constantly remind myself that there is no way to verify if everyone on screen consented to do this.This idea has turned me off from porn even more, so not I mostly use my fantasy.

Are you currently in talk therapy? Trauma-informed therapy tends to yield the best long term outcomes for stuff like this

I used to watch porn/read erotica daily and had a specific taste for incest stuff/stranger situations (I know). The two things that helped me the most were honestly therapy and adopting FDS as a lifestyle. I think there is always underlying trauma associated with specific kinks and your need for these materials. In getting to know myself more, exploring my childhood trauma and making changes to my relationships with others, now I’m happy to say the porn/kinks that used to turn me on no longer do. At some point I have gradually stopped watching them and haven’t looked back since. Because I’ve done so much work on healing myself. And yes. Having the experience of being sexual with a partner who respects you and puts your pleasure first in bed helps a lot too. Sometimes it’s hard to manifest how you’re supposed to be treated jn bed until someone shows you how it’s done. But a lot of that is luck. Keep leveling up and your queen energy will eventually attract men who WANT to treat you right in bed.

Try easy peasy - It's a remade allens carr method but for pornography - It's worth giving a shot, Maybe it'll help u too

https://easypeasymethod.org/

I'm glad this was posted because I would stay straight for up to two months and it would take one random thing to relapse.

If you have a natural hormonal cycle (are not on the pill/birth control) tracking your hormones can provide insight. Orgasms seem to be much stronger in the days leading up to ovulation. Check out the book "28 Days" by Gabrielle Lichtermann which covers all manner of hormonal/mood tracking and maybe you can learn to pre-empt your natural peaks and plan around them.

Please read Easypeasy Way to Quit Porn-

https://read.easypeasymethod.org/