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I had oral surgery and I have a week off and I feel like an idiot for trying to date rn. Got bored.
I created dating profiles to date women again and immediately all I got was likes from trans women and cis men (despite filters.). I've had plenty of experience dating trans women and it was honestly kinda traumatizing because it's basically a colorful man you have to walk on eggshells for? Like a narcissist with too much money basically.
I saw plenty of attractive women that share the same interests as me and I got really nervous because despite being well versed in "libfem" language I just can't for the life of me waste time with anyone only to find that if they think I'm "Terfy" they'll ghost me despite the memories that we've shared. I like having deep conversations with partners and if I can't do that it's just fuckin boring and I'm not going to be the best lover when I'm hiding shit about myself.
Not to mention on both sites (Bumble and Okcupid.) they literally just limit your swipes if you're a cis lesbian. I felt like I made a big mistake and I just deleted everything.
I tried finding at least one subreddit or something that would at least have sympathy for actual lesbians but no everything was all like "Terfs are evil blah blah blah."
One comment was like "Terfs are feminists who believe transwomen are in direct opposition with feminist ideals." I am like dude you are soooo close to getting why it's offensive to women who are automatically born into oppression for middle class white men to put on wigs and complain traumatized lesbians don't like them, sooooo close.
I remember being okay with it and trying to be woke, I remember dating emotionally stunted fucks who think crying = woman.
Even a few months ago a very obviously trans woman said she was trans AFTER getting my phone number and chatting , I said "Yeah I can kinda tell." (they reveal this after a conversation mind you, because they think they're fooling people but I'm actually just trying to fill the void and I can always tell coming from a family of 5+ women.) She was like "Ummm that's honestly bad for my dysphoria."
I typed "Cool, I didn't go on a dating app to walk on eggshells, you asked for my phone number "because the app sucks" not disclosing that you're trans and now you're mad that I knew and that I was open to it? Have fun posting this on Twitter, Goodbye."
I still respect their pronouns because I'm trying to be libfem friendly because most gay women are more than happy to be handmaidens and not fight for meaningful change and it's just annoying because I can't form meaningful gay relationships this way, like dating other women is already a pain in the ass, they know this and they're using abuser tactics to make us feel bad about not choosing them.
I just can't put the energy into women my age who think having boundaries is on par with being a batterer and discounts an entire person's personality/ hardships/ trauma for the sake of political correctness that they themselves don't feel comfortable performing around.
Using preferred pronouns is submitting and going along with their ideology. Do not change yourself just because you wanna fit in. I find lib fems extremely harmful to women and have no desire to fit in with them or go along with their delusions. It literally harms my mental health trying to accommodate them. So no. I won’t do it. I am a proud TERF. I’m bi and also have a hard time finding women who share similar views as me. But just because I haven’t found someone yet, doesn’t mean I’m gonna settle or change myself just to date someone who I already fundamentally disagree with. Be true to yourself. Trust me, it’s much better this way. Never compromise yourself.
You may also argue that I'm using the wrong labels.
I can't tell if I'm into men anymore, I never really found them to be profound and I don't like their skinny fish bodies but I know for a fact I'm attracted to women.
It's from there where sexualities and labels are just weird names we've decided to use to simplify really complex things.
Like for example the swathes of posts on Reddit about straight women not finding men attractive at all anymore and people are like:
"You might be asexual!" "You're depressed! Seek therapy" "You're demi-sexual!"
Nobody's ever like: "No men are narcissists that never feel the need to improve or be attractive because they think they've already got it all and they don't feel crippling insecurity from society to be perfectly attractive with a 0 body count and pleasant altruistic personality, they then believe that they're oppressed because they literally can't keep up."
Recently matched with this super cute woman in my area and decided to give it a shot despite her stating one should swipe left if pro Harry Potter. She wrote something about you'll have to figure out why she's saying this. Then the next day, I was walking with my Harry Potter bag and stopped in the middle of the street to unmatch. It's so difficult to find women to date me age who aren't into all this trans nonsense.
I didn't delete the profiles for that sole reason but honestly I look good AF and seeing myself on a dating app again was just uncanny. I'll keep my promise to myself to stay single and won't give in to boredom
I've also decided not to use dating apps any more, but I have given in to temptations a few times. Then I deleted the apps because I thought everyone was boring and dumb lol.
Finding irl radfem groups is probably too hard. I really do think you will need to find a gf online (but not on dating apps). Maybe some online radfem groups. You may need to be okay with having a long-distance relationship to find a woman who has the same values as you.