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Since the topic got started, I wanted to share how I take FDS into WLW as a bisexual woman. Obviously, most red flags for men translate over to women:
Bad communication, always late, not financially stable, poor mental health, no friends, no meaningful hobbies, lacks proper hygiene, cruel to animals, short temper, wanting to get physical too soon, hates women, watches porn, has an OF, still talks to their ex, etc.
But some don’t:
Gaming, anime, being a single mom, going 50/50, etc.
Double standards? Yeah. But women are built different and creating an equitable, dare I even say EQUAL, relationship with women is much, much easier. I don’t see men as equal to me like I do women. Men have to prove themselves a lot more because associating with a man is much more dangerous. They weren’t socialized like women. They have to pay for the dates, the vacations, the gifts, the bills, everything. In my relationships with men he must be a provider and enjoy doing it. Only after marriage will a man get to dip into my purse. The same is not true when I date women, I am ok with paying for her or going 50/50, whatever she prefers . I don’t do low effort dates, either. I’m gonna dress up and I’m gonna take her somewhere romantic. I don’t mind going 50/50 with women because most of them know how to cook, clean, manage their finances, properly wash themselves, plan their days, go to their doctors, etc. There is a near zero chance she’s going to act like a helpless child. Even the crazies I dated could do all that, they were just, well, crazy.
With women, yes I have had bad experiences, but of the 10 women I’ve gone on dates with only four of them were what I’d call crazy. And of those 6 that weren’t crazy, I got really loving, caring, warm, sweet, fun relationships with 2 of them and boring or otherwise unremarkable dates with the other 4. So that means in my limited experience it’s a 20/40/40 split which I think is pretty normal for women tbh. A LOT of women still have high amounts of internalized misogyny, unchecked mental illness, and a lot of trauma from the world. Not saying it’s right they treat people poorly, but it is understandable. They still fall into the undatable LV category tho and need a lot of help before they become worthwhile.
If you’d like to hear my stories with each crazy lady the link is here: https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/main/comment/628e4a6bf1c7ec001765e0bb?postId=628bd31ad4d0740016c4aad3
The fourth woman was actually someone I’d gone to high school with. I’d never known she was a lesbian. But the story is I had a rotation and she kept flaking (she was really hot, but I’ve grown to stop accepting flakiness lol). While she was flaking this dude kept asking me out on dates and so I kept accepting, obviously, he and I grew very close and so when he asked to be my bf I agreed. I deleted the app, completely forgetting about this woman and I’s date bc she’d flaked on all the rest of em. What would make this one different? 💀 Lo and behold, I get a text from a mutual friend saying so and so and I had a date planned and she really wanted to go out, was it ok if my mutual friend gave so and so my number? I said no, she’d flaked on me and I deleted the app bc I got a bf now. My mutual friend still sent so and so my number, even tho I said no, and she insisted that we go on our date. Apparently me being unavailable was enough to peak her interest. Horrible. The man was really sweet, too, but it ended cuz he wanted kids and thought childfree meant not having kids now, not never having kids.
Any other ladies like to chime in on how their dating experience is the same/different?
The cruel to animals is a big one. I flew out to see a girl that liked me and right before I flew out there and told me she chocked her cat to death and by that time it was too late and I couldn’t cancel my ticket. So I went like a dumb*ss. And she invited a guy over and I felt super out of place. She hurt me almost worse then any guy has hurt me. It’s not just men or woman. Certain people can be crappy. But needless to say I do prefer woman more over men. I tend to get nervous around woman so I think that's why I've chosen to date more men in the past.
I’m glad this is talked about. I’ve been on dates with woman and some turned out to be crazy but I’ve found woman actually care more. But yes I felt a lot safer on those dates then I did with meeting a guy.
Very true when you say women can be trusted more than men, I'm not bisexual (anymore, comphet) but every man that I was "interested" in or vice versa showed me red flags immediately.
With women those red flags come out later on, which is a bit of a con.
Personally, I'm masculine. Do I try to be? No, just my personality, I do try to be feminine, but when it comes to paying I NEVER go 50/50, whether they like it or not I pay 100%. I want to show a woman I'm interested in that no matter how poor I am I'll provide as much as I can.
Also gaming to me is a red flag, why would you want to be stuck in a room playing a game when we can go hiking? Or any outdoor activity?
Only problem with women (specifically bisexual women, no offense) is that all of the bi women I've been with expected me to be "the man" because I was masculine and wanted to provide.
Ta-da! I am not a man. I might "act" like one but no matter my actions/personality I still have a uterus. Some lesbians still have that gender-role thinking but I haven't encountered it as much.
Bottom line I cant date anyone (lesbian or bi) who hasn't had a solid relationship with a woman, I don't want to teach the women I'm with that I can't fill in the man role and that I don't chase! Ever!!
I don't know, I still feel that whoever asks the person out should pay. Because why should a woman get dolled up to meet a stranger (still risky regardless of gender) only to pay 50/50 when she could have dinner with friends?
Chiming in to say thank you for sharing your experience! I'm just a hetero but it's neat hearing the bi perspective. Also validating that it confirms women are generally better dating partners over all.
Thank you for this! I’m also bi, but I have only dated men. I would consider a lot my red flags the same for men and women. However, it is nice to hear that a lot of women have better experience dating women over men. I’m happy to hear this because I think if I dabble into dating again, then I might choose to only date women. Although, it doesn’t mean a HVM can’t still come into my life or not so that’s why I’m on FDS. Plus, I enjoy protecting other women. Unfortunately, I can’t say I have the same experience as I have not dated women. However, from what I’ve seen, I do agree with anime and gaming. I think it’s less of a 🚩 for women than men because men watch more sexualized anime. Women enjoy more wholesome shows written by women. Lots of guys into anime are porn addicts and I can’t say I’ve noticed the same for women as much. I think lots of women have problems with sexualization and pornographic content unlike men. Probably because it affects us women way more than it will ever affect any men. As for gaming, I also feel like women have a better balance with it than men from what I’ve noticed. I also don’t think 50/50 is bad for WLW. Men have a bigger advantage financially than most women. Men don’t have to dress up as much like most women for the occasion. There is no patriarchal standard involved. Personally, I wouldn’t date a single mom but that’s only because I’m childfree. I do agree with your 🚩 for both men and women too! Remember ladies, we shouldn’t lower are standards for either gender
"But but of the 10 I've gone on dates with only four of them were what I'd call crazy" I wonder what you mean exactly by "crazy".
I'm bisexual and dated both before. I agree that dating women, by and large, is much more safer than dating men. I've never felt surges of pure terror and fear with women like I've had with men, unless you count my mother when I was a bit of a rebellious teenager before lol. But none of the less, I do feel like women are much more quality date-wise than men do, at least, most of them. That said, on some level, it is much harder to date women than it is to date men. Women, no matter what our orientation is, are on the lookout to get the highest quality life partner they can get. This is not in of itself a bad thing, mind you! Every and all women, myself included, absolutely deserve nothing but the best. The chasm occurs, of course, when two women get together; men do have high standards, don't get me wrong, but I can't help but feel they are at least able to relax a few rules if they like a woman strongly enough, whereas with us women, we dip the second we notice something we don't like about the other person. It's the ick factor, I think. It's much stronger within us than it is within men.
So when both women have this ick thing happening, dating can become incredibly long and hard journey. It's a bit like that attachment theory, when two people are avoidant and one of them pulls away, what does the other avoidant do? They don't chase after them, they simply also pull away, and that's the end of it. Women dating each other is a bit like that. With men, since they have that biological urge to be competitive, to win over, to go after, and keep chipping away at something until it is completed or conquered, they can at least chase after the woman forever if need be. Bad news if you hate the guy lol, but great news if you love him!
That said, when two women fall in love with each other and get together, and stay together, it is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with the realities of dating men vs women in regards to FDS and holding high expectations of your partner. I'm also bisexual, and while I've never dated women all that much (mainly due to just being shy and also not meeting a lot of women who are into women), I've been curious since I learned about FDS to see how it would translate into a wlw relationship.
It's funny that there are similarities between to two though--the minute you are unavailable, everyone comes out of the woodwork and is suddenly interested in you, like in the case of the woman you wrote about!
I am also a bisexual woman. I can count maybe 5 women I have tried dating and it didn't work out because: 1) I am an athiest and not spiritual. Most of the women I have been on a few dates are religious or spiritual not religious whereas I am neither. They couldn't handle that fact. Gemini doing a double take because of Mercury Metrograde? No thanks. 2) I am not going to play the masculine to your feminine. What would I gain having male-like qualities? I do not play gender role BS games with unsaid expectations! 3) Flakiness. If I want flakes I will eat breakfast🤣 As far as men goes, I rarely tell them that I am bisexual. Because then I am supposed to be some unpaid porn star. FOH.