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There's this girl I was friends with because we had very similar interests and it's hard for me to find people who like the same things as me. After hanging out with her consistently for about a month, I decided to distance myself from her because I was scared to catch feelings for her (she had a bf at the time who was definitely LV, but I wanted to respect her relationship so I thought I shouldn't hang out with her if I'm gonna be madly yearning for her while she's with someone else). We are both bi btw.
The relationship didn't work out but she wasn't heartbroken. She said it was a mutual breakup. A few months after her breakup, I started spending time with her again. I thought I was over my feelings for her, but they started coming back. Then I asked her out on a date and felt so fucking dumb when I got rejected. She used to joke about us being a lesbian couple, but my dumbass didn't understand it was just a joke.
She said she doesn't want to date anyone right now. I know that's something people say when they're trying to be nice and what they really mean is that they just don't like you. I found out from a mutual friend that she still goes on dates with people. So I'm sure she was just trying to let me down gently.
The girl said she still wanted to be my friend, so I tried maintaining the friendship with her. But I got annoyed because it felt like such a one-sided friendship. She would take forever to reply to my texts and hardly ever see me. When she did talk to me though, she would send a bunch of heart emojis, tell me I have "rizz" and that I'm "smooth," say things like "I want to be your friend no matter what" and "I feel like it was destiny to become your friend." But her actions did not match her words at all. She literally would ghost me for over two weeks straight sometimes. I got sick of this and cut her off.
But then I started missing her, because I'm stupid. So I unblocked her and asked her if we could be friends again. She said sure, and then the same fucking thing happened all over again where she kept saying she really wanted to be my friend but acted like she didn't give a shit if I lived or died. There's so much stuff I wanted to talk about with her but she couldn't maintain a conversation over text, wouldn't call me, and wouldn't make time to see me. I literally just wanted to talk about school or books we both like or other interests. I just wanted to be her friend, and try to get over the romantic feelings I have for her. But she treated me like an acquaintance so I had to cut her off again.
Now I keep missing her again anad wishing I could go back to her. Do you think I should try to be her friend again? Or should I just try to forget about her? I don't think she will ever want to hang out with me or text me as much as I want her to. Do you think I need to get over myself and be her friend anyway or are there actually people out there who aren't going to make me feel this way? I don't have any friends, it's so hard for me. I keep having to cut people off because they never put in the same effort as me into the friendship. And I keep feeling like I'm going to have to accept people who don't like me and just force myself to be around them anyway.
I hate how desperate I am for her company. I used to follow her on IG and get so jealous seeing her hang out with all the other friends she has. I wish she liked me enough to make an IG post with me. She told me that she was casually dating a guy but didn't like him at all, he just paid for her nails and lashes so she tolerated him. Honestly I would pay for those things for her and buy her expensive gifts if she just talked to me a bit more frequently. I'm literally such an emotional mess over her even though I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a fuck about me.
Last time I cut her off, she was like "I will always look back on our friendship with fondness" but I know she's never going to think about me again. Also all I asked was for her to text back faster. If she likes me so much idk why it's so hard for her to change her behaviour. She's always on her phone anyway so I don't get why she can't text back. I like her so much but I'm also so mad that she doesnt care about me at all.
(Long sleep deprived text I'm sorry 🐏🐑🐏🐑🐏)
Tbh I used to be like this to another woman I liked, except less obsessed.
Do not "pay to win" women in relationships or friendships.
Throwing money, energy and attention at someone isn't going to make them like you. It's just going to make you angry and more possessive.
A lot of women go through people like this and even though you may be in pain it's just a regular Tuesday for her, being objectified and constantly unsatisfied and having the world pretend like she owes it something even though she never asked for said things.
Although if you're feeling used feel free to make other deeper friendships and keep her cut off.
But for the future!
Ghosting for two weeks isn't really that much tbh. I go months without talking to my friends because we're trying to make ends meet and reach our goals. Then we ask how eachothers doing and share cat memes.
I think you could go for a more independent lifestyle where you don't place too much value on others or burden them with your emotions.
Maybe you could try getting other hobbies as a gateway to other people?
I did read your other posts about finding most people uninteresting but that's the thing, most people are uninteresting, they're not living their lives trying to be interesting to strangers and they don't spend their whole lives having one singular hobby.
You could use some building up of new hobbies and maybe some introspection.
Sometimes as gay women we can also fall into the trap of dehumanizing other women and expecting them to drop everything and coddle our feelings even though we too know how annoying it is to be friends with someone and now you can hardly talk to them because they developed a crush that you hardly provoked (e.i having male friends.)
You may think "she's the one" because you share the same hobbies but honestly hobbies aren't everything.
She's using wealthy men as tools for her lifestyle and she needed you to just be a friend while she numbingly lives a life of pleasing men she hates, we've all been there. We date men we hate and we don't want to use other women as wallets, especially if that woman was an actual friend and under such deep social conditioning to constantly date straight despite our gut feelings.
The reason we do this is because what is the point of dating? You get numb and you date just to get a material reward because there is no other reason to date. It's just a tool men use to control women, if there's no man involved then there's no reason to do it sometimes. That's partly why women are better off single and lesbian relationships don't last as long as gay ones, we're better off independent and the concept of dating is fundamentally flawed.
It's not that she doesn't care about you, she doesn't want more work on her psychological plate. There is technically no reason to date anyone, but since she's being objectified constantly it's like "sure why not" because she's not attached to anyone and she didn't choose this life.
I've been the creepy friend before (once during my alcoholic years.) but I've also been on the receiving end of this many times (mostly by men honestly.)
I don't care about most things and nobody likes the things that I like but I don't care, I'm not going to force attractive people into my void of singular activities and aggressive music tastes because honestly I get bored of my own interests sometimes and experimenting with a cute girl that likes horoscopes and medicinal herbs can be interesting and enjoyable.
Learning to be around women who don't share your tastes is a good idea. Just because I meet someone who also likes cheese, Aggrestuko, Pokemon and Red Robin burgers doesn't automatically mean that person is "The one". I'm not entitled to that person. That person could secretly be a Nazi and I won't even know it. That person could have diaper fetish for all I know. Which is how this is equally about protecting yourself and never worshipping anyone, putting them on pedestals or absolutely disregarding your own individuality.
The point is to not feel possession over others, build yourself and feel possession over yourself. Get new hobbies and experiences before proclaiming love to women who are clearly dead inside and tired of being sexualized.
You can also ask yourself if you fell so hard due to Limerence, like maybe she made it obvious she's not gay but you were so obsessed you just ignored it and blamed it on her? Maybe your relationship reminds you of something from the past and that's why you feel so insecure and possessive over her like a textbook abusive boyfriend?
I'm not trying to be a douche but there's a lot to think about here and it's worth sitting down and thinking about these things because honestly that behavior is kinda toxic even if she did say yes. I say that because I've had plenty of abusive boyfriends and creepy male friends who have honestly done the same to me. (Demanding my time so I can never improve my life. Or getting mad I'm at an empty bar without them. Calling me literally every f*cking day.)
Not to be a nag or anything but it's certainly worth thinking about if you want healthy relationships. People aren't jesters, toys or possessions. I've typed all this from a radical feminist perspective , I haven't seriously fallen in love despite the 100 dates but I have felt Limerence and that shit can be scary, you should look into it if you're curious.