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So I think I’ll be ready to date again soon and my raging bi self who is pretty done with men needs some advice or tips when it comes to dating other women.
I feel that its much safer to date women and overall, they’re way more attractive than men anyway. Most men are crusty and repulses me to no end.
some background deetz: I’ve known I liked other women since I was 14 but have never been in a gay relationship since I‘ve never even met another single, queer woman except for a friend in high school I wasn’t into. seriously, where are the lesbians?? Has the patriarchy sent them into hiding??
Anyway, first off, how can you tell if she’s queer or not?? Or do you have to ask? HOW DO YOU EVEN FLIRT LMAO
Doesn’t help that straight women or past self proclaimed bi friends complimented me as gf material or something along the lines of that or the ”you’re so pretty!! Wife me!!” When they aren’t even into women?
also dating apps are self sobotaging when it comes to looking for HVM, but are there apps ya’ll recommend for wlw dating?
And fellow bi and gay women, how do you apply FDS principles when it comes to wlw relationships?
I'd say the main diff with dating women is some women can be VERY quick to declare you "partners" and you haven't really got to know them properly yet. Take it slow.
I've met a lot of legitimately wonderful women through OLD. I think the idea that OLD is awful comes from the hetero side of things. You can definitely meet great women on OLD or anywhere really. Yes you have to swipe past couples and straight "curious" women which is annoying but inbetween there are lots of cool girls. And I have lots of female friends who got into great lesbian relationships through OLD.
Also, IRL, there are a lot of queer women who just look gay. You are allowed to just approach and flirt with them. This is how I met my first girlfriend--I could just tell she was gay and I started chatting with her.
The femme queer women I've known who actually got laid a lot, had to be really aggressive in their strategy. They were usually unafraid to let a woman know they were interested even if that woman's sexuality was unknown to them or apparently straight. I'm a femme queer and I do not get laid a lot but I know it's because I don't have the personality to be that aggressive. I'm not into hookups so I don't really bother to change that about myself.
Maybe the most important advice: if you have chemistry with another woman, play it into. Don't freeze up because you're afraid of coming across as desperate or predatory (internalized homophobia). You can be playfully flirtatious with anyone (unless you're their boss lol). It's not a commitment and it's not inappropriate. It's usually just flattering if nothing else. Although there's a difference between playful flirtation and sexual flirtation which can get inappropriate (at least in certain situations).
I really recommend consuming lesbian media, like the L Word, also reading lesbian romance novels, poetry, or any narrative art that just has queer women in it. The reason we hesitate to "gay it up" comes from a lack of social programming that informs the steps we should take when we interact with another woman we're interested in. If you consume a lot of lesbian narrative art, you feel more comfortable making your interactions with women a little gayer.
edit: Oh, I just remembered some great flirting advice I got once. Someone told me, basically, "Straight women compliment each other all the time and it's normal. Just add a touch of bedroom eyes to your usual compliments when you're talking to a woman you're interested in."
A very HVW lesbian friend of mine just met the love of her life (in her mid-50s) on OLD. I had to do a double take because I didn’t know it was possible. But there it is! She noted that she was very sure about what she did and didn't want, and save for one (the race of the person) she got what she desired.
Weirdly enough… Bumble BFF. The amount of gay/bi women on there that are looking for normal friendship (but would eat your box if they could) is insane. Try it and see for yourself. I literally met two of my latest crushes on BFF instead of date. And no, neither of us was actively looking to date, neither was there any mention of being gay on our profile.
This is my insider tip.
As a bi woman who’s dated lesbians: the LAST thing you can do to meet and attract a real lesbian is to call her queer. That’s a creepy word heterosexuals use when they want to make themselves spicy straights. It’s literally a slur. Lmao. Also, most of OLD is ugly, creepy unicorn hunting couples. It’s better to meet lesbians in real life like at gay bars or even to check tik tok or ig or whatever social media to find local gays and to see where they hang out. Do you not have any gay friends? That helps, too.
I would pretty much apply the same principles from WLW to dating men. I have the same issue!! I am also bi, but inexperienced with women and I can never tell if a woman is into me or being friendly. I hope others can give you more useful tips as I am pretty much in the same boat. I’m not planning to date any time soon, but I think if I do then it’ll be with a woman. I wish you the best of luck!!! Personally, I wouldn't recommend dating apps for either sex as I think they're pretty dangerous. I would recommend visiting local queer events like queer book clubs, parades, bars, etc. I'm wishing you all the best, IE!!!