"Men are lost."

When women are single, it's seen as a personal failing.

When men are single (losers, I'll add) it's seen as a societal failure.

How do they have a world literally designed for them, by them, and still find excuses and ways to get/be lost?

It's like you say, too coddled.

They've had everything too easy for too long, everything handed to them. + no accountability for their crimes/errors.

They've become soft, and their energies are frustrated, so of course they pick the easiest victims to release unto. Women, minorities blah blah. meanwhile they could be busy creating their best lives, an dmaking apositive contribution. Instead, they allow themselves to be brainwashed and their insecurities exploited, and just want to dominate over someone in order to bolster their crippling to non existent self of self/esteem.

So many excuses, yet they have multitudes of opportunities, resources and biases available to them/working in their favour. The mind boggles. I didn't read the article nor comments, but I appreciate the conversation.

Preach. Choir is listening...

Hard agree. I've known guys exactly like this (I do think the article does a fantastic job of describing what these men are like and what's at the root of their apathy and selfishness) and invariably they're the product of boy moms who coddle them and think the sun shines out of their ass regardless of what they do and how selfishly they behave. I think being coddled on the dating market is a factor too - they know they can just sort of bumble through life and there'll always be a pick-me who disregards their spotty dating history and their utter lack of any meaningful virtues.

For example, my friend dated a guy like this for two years. He *cheated on her* and naturally she got all anxious and angry, posting walls of text at him all the time. He then dumped her and she started going down the attachment theory rabbit hole (as if you have attachment issues because you're upset that the person you've dated is a cheating slut). Anyway she eventually after much hesitation confided in a few of us that he cheated (we all work in the same academic department). Then this one woman who I used to think was actually cool as fuck was like "sorry, I'm still going to hang out with him because I like to hear both sides of a story - I hope it doesn't bother you!!" to her. Shit like this is why they behave this way - there'll always be a pick me to clean up their messes. In the past I think women would've collectively stayed away from bad apples and listen to their friends for advice about who to date and who to avoid.

Idle useless men have been a problem throughout history, but the societal push to coddle them and sHoW uNdErStAnDiNg is brand new. Maybe because in a large modrn society, people don't get as mad when someone doesn't pull their weight.

Just a look through history: The Bible makes several dirisive references to "idle young men in the marketplace". Men who weren't helping their families at home, and who weren't building anything for themselves (because the ancient Hebrews were the ultimate boymoms, and Hebrew men were considered precious lil' babies til they were 30 years old). Fast forward to medieval Europe, when spoiled upper class teenagers were so disruptive that they had to regularly round them up to send them on "crusades" just to give them something to do. And the long history of sending disruptive teen boys to military school to "straighten them out", even though that frequently made them worse.

Women will find something constructive to do when we have leisure time, but men are dangerous when they aren't given work to do.

I don't live in the USA but I live in what many would consider a "nice, middle-class neighbourhood". I grew up surrounded by boys like this. These boys got every chance in life. They had loving parents. They grew up surrounded by books and anything else they might need for a good education. They were sent to the best schools. If they needed anything like extra tuition, they got it. Still most of these boys refused to apply themselves and most became college drop-outs. IMO their biggest problem is entitlement. These boys just expected everything to come to them without any effort on their part. The problem (from the boy's perspective) is that there are girls coming from these backgrounds who are totally outperforming these boys because they actually have ambition and drive. Another factor might be that unlike the boys, the girls don't expect anything to be handed to them. They know that they live in a patriachy and that they're going to have to work for what they get.

"Most of these guys are just spoiled rotten and lazy to their core."

That sums up most men who grew up in the U.S. (where I'm from), regardless of race and socioeconomic class. Let's be honest--nobody actually has to work to eat or have shelter in the U.S. The government (i.e., the hard-working taxpayer) provides basic food and housing to anybody and everybody, even jailbirds. Everything is handed to them on a platter.

If men don't have to work to eat, find a place to sleep, or get laid, they won't work. They can afford to sit around all day, play video games, watch porn, get high, etc. They certainly won't have an incentive to provide for women. It's that simple.

I grew up around these types of boys. Even as a child, I felt their collective laziness was off the charts. Regardless of their political persuasion, most men in the U.S. are spoiled brats if not downright predators.

This is a very interesting article - thank you for sharing.

“dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as relationship standards rise.”

Instead of seeing this as a good thing, an opportunity for men to become their best selves, we’re meant to feel sorry for men? Um, no.

The author seems to not have a strong stance herself but the article is a good survey of the current debates.

It was very interesting to read the take that the only models for masculinity being promoted these days come from the right. Jordan Peterson has some very sound guidance for men but I wish he didn’t preach it at the expense of women by saying we have ‘too much’ now and that there’s no such thing as patriarchy or even sex inequality.

The left, on the other hand, seems to have no model for masculinity, other than ‘do what makes you feel good; do as little work as possible; watch as much porn as you like; don’t stand up for women because that’s patronising (women can look after themselves); don’t try to earn too much money because that makes you a capiltslist’. Oh, and ‘you can be a woman if you say you are’ 🤡

A problem created by men but ultimately women are the ones hurt the most by this.