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The article is not behind a paywall, however it requires registration with email and/or phone number so I have pasted it here to make it more accessible*
Men are anxious about approaching women since they don't want to be seen as "creepy" or "weird." So what should men do to avoid making women feel uncomfortable?
Dating is incredibly difficult these days, and I mean this for both men and women. There are many individuals who don’t even meet their potential partner in person first anymore; in fact, over 300 million people worldwide use a dating app to meet someone. Yet, how can we blame anyone for downloading Hinge or Bumble when no one ever wants to interact with strangers anymore? And even though I'm a woman, I can definitely admit how difficult dating is for men. Women want to be approached, but if they don’t like you, some of them will automatically think you’re creepy if you try. Of course, there are definitely ways you can come off as being “creepy.” Catcalling, overtly sexual comments, and coming off too strong are all examples of poor behavior that tend to scare women away. But what happens when women have expressed their disgust for men so much that other guys have become scared to respectfully approach someone they’re interested in?
How To Not Come Off As Creepy
One psychologist named Mark Travers interviewed Austin-based dating coach Blaine Anderson. According to Anderson, many clients have reached out to her expressing their fear of approaching women due to being seen as “creepy.” But what does that mean? What behaviors are considered “off-putting,” and how do men know what’s typically okay and what’s not when it comes to dating? For a while now, "creepiness" has been quite unclear to many men, giving them a looming sense of social anxiety that keeps them from conversating with women.
Travers was determined to find answers, and he conducted a survey of 2,000 American women between the ages of 18 to 40, as well as 1,000 men from the same age group. His findings were incredibly eye-opening:
About 82% of women said that they experienced creepy behaviors from men.
44% of men said that their fear of being seen as creepy has reduced their likelihood of interacting with women, and that number increases to 53% in single men.
Lastly, these are the nine behaviors that men should avoid to not come off as creepy: "(1) staring, (2) unwanted contact on social media, (3) inappropriate comments, (4) controlling behaviors, (5) won’t accept 'no,' (6) unwanted physical contact, (7) pressure for sex, (8) clinginess, and (9) physical stalking."
Both Men and Women Should Be Conscious of How They Approach Each Other
Let's address this issue. Lots of men might see women as a whole as "toxic" or "cruel," and that's simply not true. This kind of generalization actually hurts both groups. Sure, some women can be unnecessarily harsh toward men. Some of them are eager to assume guys are being creepy even if they're genuinely being nice. Narcissism is rising in America, and people are becoming less empathetic, leading to a larger population of meaner women and men. Still, that doesn't mean there's a shortage of women who want to be pursued. However, men also need to understand why some women see guys as "creepy."
Growing up, we've had to remain alert and vigilant of our surroundings due to years of being cat-called, assaulted, harassed, and hurt by men. There are women who are walking around with their trauma, and their initial gut reaction may cause them to see most men as an automatic red flag. I understand how incredibly hard this makes dating for both genders. But because both adult men and women are essentially carrying hurt from past relationships, it's important that both groups remain conscious of how they approach each other. Men should approach women in the proper place and time with respect and confidence since some of them will be more than willing to listen. Likewise, women shouldn't be too quick to judge a man's character. Single women may need to lower their standards a bit, especially if they're being unrealistic.
Now, let's talk about meeting people online. Social media has enabled men and women to meet online without having to fear rejection in person. At the same time, young people are actually leaving dating apps, so there is a possibility that people will go back to the more “human” way of finding a partner. With this being said, men must approach women by being more gentle, not being inappropriate, pushy, or persistent. If you're a guy and you get rejected, remember that it doesn't define you as a person. As for making a good dating profile, make sure you’re selecting a good photo of yourself and a specific bio that shows your niche interests.
You know this article is bs when you read "single women may need to lower their standards".
Or what, missy? What will happen if I keep my perfectly resonable standards high? Oh right, I'll live a peaceful single life, free of creepy men who deserve nothing.
Don't threaten me with a good time.
Make it 100%. They are creepy. Leave us alone.
HVM are extremely rare and will not be this way nor think of women with the hatred and violence shown above.
They say "how to not come off as creepy" rather than how to not be creepy- because they know the men are creepy and are trying to teach men how not to "seem" creepy even when they are. They're doing this to help creeps hide better and hurt women more easily.
And they say for women to lower our standards a bit? What, the bar isn't low enough as is?
All I got from this was "Women, ignore your well-honed survival instincts and settle or you'll be single forever." "Men, be confident in your worth and not-creeper status when you approach women."🙄
If a man doesn’t have the common sense to know that any of the “9 creepy behaviors” are unacceptable without being told, he needs to stay home and never talk to a woman, ever. Women like the article author need to stop helping them by giving them guidance. If they don’t know these things we don’t want them procreating.
And no, I will not lower my standards. I’ll gladly stay single rather than end up with the guy who had to be *taught* as an adult that stalking is bad and that he needs to accept “no” as an answer.
>Single women may need to lower their standards a bit, especially if they're being unrealistic.
and where is the definition of 'unrealistic'? because honestly, i feel like basic human decendy is quite unrealistic these days...
men are afraid of being creepy? oh wow! can you imagine what it feels like to be scared of that? we out here scared of being raped or getting killed and those fuckers are afraid of being creepy? the level of privilege is unbelievable.
well, if they aren't happy, they should resolve this amongst themselves, talk to other men, learn basic human social skills and such. that's not our problem. we're just trying to survive a misogynistic society.
This reminds me of the FDS podcast episode "Listen Up Scrotes! Here's Why Women think You're Creepy" in which the ladies gave practical tips such as "stop mouthbreathing", "wash your ass" and "porn use is making you a creep".
Of course, the podcast episode was better because they actually explain why certain things are creepy. That guys need to do real work on themselves internally to truly stop being creepy. They sure don't tell women not to be "quick to judge" when men are creeping them out. Get the hell out of here with that, last thing we need is another idiot telling women not to trust their intuition.
A creep only going through the motions of hiding creepy behaviour would still give off creepy vibes. That's why women's gut feelings are so important and should never be suppressed.
This article telling men to superficially change their behavior (with nothing about internal changes), then telling women to lower our guard. A boon for creeps if everyone follows this advice. Dangerous for women.
"Single women may need to lower their standards a bit, especially if they're being unrealistic".
Fuck off.
This reads as men placing the blame on women instead of learning how to develop their social skills to NOT seem creepy.
It isn't difficult, it just takes practice, self-awareness and effort.
This is not a problem for women to solve, it's on men.
Most of the stuff they describe as "creepy" is downright predatory and abusive. You won't get a man who acts like that to stop by telling him to have some manners... They're beyond saving and women are right to stay far away from them. We don't owe men a chance. If our behavior keeps men away who won't make an effort to show us they're safe, GOOD. We don't give the benefit of the doubt anymore, it's too risky. After all, it was men who told us to pick better.
Creepy harassing violent men make women scared ---> scared women assume men are scary ---> men feel bad --->somehow womens fault so we should lower our standards. 🤡
I was outside most of today. I caught not 1, not 2 but 3 different men just staring at me. These were the 1s I happened to notice. It.is.creepy.
They don't care. They feel entitled to look at you anyway they please. They don't give a damn how it may make a woman feel.
I hardly notice it. I get approached by creeps often, this is why I don't wear makeup or wear colorful clothing because that makes you lit up like a christmas tree. I arrived at a birthday party getting my hair done and such, a married man wanted to ask me out. Men have no shame.
I personally don’t think men are afraid ENOUGH. Because creepy mofos still approach women every day, in the creepiest manner possible, thinking they need to “shoot their shot”. No sir. If you think she might think you are “creepy”, then you should not approach women until you’ve worked through why you are coming off that way, and made efforts to change. It is not up to women to accept creepy behavior, because men refuse to work on themselves.
Would you ever walk into an enclosure with a lioness unless you have learned how to do so without being perceived as a threat? Women are constantly aware of what signals we are giving off, and how to adjust these so that we don't attract the “wrong kind of attention”, because it is a life or death matter for us. So I don’t see why men can’t work on being slightly more aware of how they come across. It’s not a life or death matter for them, it’s just a matter of not getting their peens wet. They can live without sexual attention from women, if they don’t want to put in the work.
Maybe, just MAYBE, so many men wouldn't have to worry about being seen as creepy if they didn't watch media for creeps (porn). Or maybe they can avoid celebrating the dark triad. 🙄 Looking at the signs they cited, all of these issues can be related to porn consumption:
"(1) staring, (2) unwanted contact on social media, (3) inappropriate comments, (4) controlling behaviors, (5) won’t accept 'no,' (6) unwanted physical contact, (7) pressure for sex, (8) clinginess, and (9) physical stalking"
Now, some men will appropriately approach a woman and maybe be called creepy unfairly. Maybe a man genuinely just wanted to hold a door open for a random woman. Great! I love gentlemanly gestures.
But, the above quoted behavior is a clear definition of creepy that people can avoid while dating. If the behavior cannot be avoided, they need to work on themselves before dating. Nobody in a healthy relationship wants any of those nine things. Nor does anyone who is just trying to be nice, with no romantic undertones.
Solution: Don't be creepy. Don't know how? Learn.
Good! We don't want these creepy-ass dusties interacting with us in the first place.
A man's attention is not automatically a gift.
Omg i know the girl who wrote this @ateenyalien on twitter who’s viral for who knows tf what. She posts lots of conversative pickme propaganda so i’m not surprised
if men don't know basic human decencey then how are they not sub-human?
It's like pickmes know men are trash or something, because if a women did this shit, dating or not, she'd be called out.
This is perhaps an oversimplification of a complex social issue and evolving gender dynamics in the 21st century, but my hot take is that this 'fear' is either a) valid because they actually are creepy coomers/know they have nefarious intentions towards women and we can sense it and call them on it or b) overblown and an excuse for being cowardly and not assuming their appropriate masculine role in pursuing respectful courtship/dating
They know they are creepy. Or they would be acting this way to their fellow males.