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Hey queens! 😘
It's time for yet another one of my long rambles and sharing nuggets of my wisdom to you all so that we can continue to go forth with all the confidence of a real Queen. 👑 So for today's Sunday topic is the dreaded 50/50 conversation, and why it's overall a horrible lie that society sold to modern women looking for long lasting love. This will cover both having to pay half for dates (especially first ones), as well as splitting the rent and bills with a man that you're not married to.
Get your wine, your spritzer, your coffee, your hot cocoa, your tea, whatever's fine here... Get cozy and let's get down to business. This was something that's been mulling inside my head since the beginning of this summer. And I have already read some amazing advice from the FDS ladies here when we discuss the cons of going halfsies with full grown men who should have the money from the get go if he was gonna go out on dates with other adults. I've also already read the danger of moving in with a man and splitting the bills with him before a marriage proposal with a ring and a wedding date carved in stone. But I think I have to share one piece here that's hopefully going to really cement this FDS rule to the newcomers, as well as the ones who go back and forth about this subject.
At the end of the day, for better or worse, no matter how much we think or say or wish otherwise, no matter how liberal or progressive or conservative the place or timeline we are in right now, no matter how much we advance as the female class... Men have the final say when it comes to commitment. That's why it's always a bad idea to spring up marriage or a proposal onto him before he gets to it first, because he hasn't shown you that he actually wants you deep down in the first place. You can be the best girlfriend on Earth and he'll still leave you for another woman to get married to her instead of you. But not only that, this inconvenient truth springs forth a more comforting truth: Because men are the final deciders of the ultimate commitment, especially within the realm of marriage, that means we do not have to pay to have them in our lives.
Really stop and think about this for a second. Why would you waste your money on the first date when HE'S the one who is going to decide whether or not you are ~good enough~ for him to call you and ask you out on a second date? Why would you then continue to go 50/50 on these lackluster dates that are filled with mundane activities like coffee runs, walking around in a dog park, or getting trashed at a local bar with him? On top of that, if that isn't bad enough, to then pay half or even completely for his things like student loans, car payments, rent, groceries, etc?! FOH!
This makes zero sense when men have consistently been telling us over and over and over again that THEY are the ones who will decide which woman they will choose out of their rosters to become their serious girlfriends or fiancé or wife/future mother of his children. The horrible truth is that men, even if you were to put out all the stops from the get-go and propose to him first, still has the power to end everything and go on to marry another woman very easily. Call it revenge, call it immature, call it whatever you want. The truth is, when it comes to commitment, that's the man's final call AND his job!
So then, why are we financing him again? This joke of a tradeoff-"If I pay my own way, he will see that I am not a gold digger and a great option for a serious relationship!"-just does not make any sense, logically or economically speaking. This is akin to having a magazine company contacting you to give you a very special deal, in which you only pay 50% of the total cost to get a yearly subscription (they pay the other half), and then right around six to nine months later, pull the plug on you and banning you from subscribing ever again. Oh, and you won't get the rest of the money back that you paid for already, no matter how many times you angrily call them about it. It just doesn't make sense and you know it's all BULLSHIT.
This was a huge epiphany for me the beginning of this summer when I stopped to really think about this in depth, and why I won't be paying another cent for a man for anything ever again. Because at the end of it all, love is truly a battlefield in which all women can do to protect ourselves is to play on the defense, vet as ruthlessly as possible, and stay cautious of any red flags or land mines that are placed underground. Meanwhile, men on the other side don't have to worry much except how to get us to come closer or how they can get closer to us without getting damaged too much along the way. We are different and unequal when it comes to the mating dance and no amount of political pandering or social discussions is ever going to change this hard fact. And do you want to know who gets to blow the whistle and announce that the war is over, that they've forfeit and give you the crown for commitment/marriage? Men. Not you. Not us. Them.
Men truly see themselves as the all-seeing, all-knowing Gods of finding out which woman has the best golden pussy that warrants the ring and the key to his heart. And being a God is a pretty big job all on its own, with its own great responsibilities. And so, if he's an almighty God that gets to decide the future fate of y'all's relationship... He can pick up the goddamn tabs and pay for the both of you. Period, done, the end, end of discussion, send tweet. They wanna be the ones to control everything, they have to reach for their own wallets and pay for it all, then. Why should we pay for something we don't even know is a certain thing until HE announces it at the end?
Nah sis. Close your purse and enjoy the free meal. ❤️
I think you’re almost there, but you still seem to have somewhat of a scarcity mindset. It seems as though you may feel as though marriage is the accomplishment but marriage is the natural progression of a loving, high value relationship. Men do not hold the power to commitment. Yes, a man should be the one to propose because a man should be taking on all risks, but you are the one who says yes or no. You are the one who decides if he will procreate or be a genetic dead end. This is why you should not be putting all your eggs in one basket waiting around for him to propose. You don’t want to be in a state of mind that “oh, I found my HVM now I need him to propose to me”. That’s pick me territory. Do NOT be desperate for marriage. It is not a life goal. You need to be prepared to walk away from any man at any minute, because you know your life as a single woman is your peace. Only if he is adding a extraordinary value to your life should marriage even be an option you’d consider. If a man is making you feel like he holds all the cards, you are not in the right relationship. At all times you are the chooser. You pick the man who will have the honor of being your husband, you pick the man who will have the honor of fathering your children. These men are auditioning for the opportunity to even propose to you, because you continue this species. You make their life meaningful. You seem like you are on the right track, but you are still giving men way too much power. They like to think they hold the gate to commitment, but in reality they are just taking all the pressure of the proposal. There is a reason we should not have to propose as women because it makes one incredibly vulnerable and can end up in humiliation if you propose to the wrong person. Women should not have to take that risk because marriage in general does not benefit us nearly as much as it does the average man.