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FDS advocates for the Maximum Benefit of women
However, I think some of us might be misinterpreting that principle. For instance, assuming that “maximum benefit” includes consumerist/material goods and services from ANY man who stumbles your way (getting free meals from him, being showered in gifts, making him your personal handyman, etc).
I know, maybe you’re at the stage in your healing journey where you're a bit daring/rebellious and want to exploit men (especially out of revenge for past treatment by LVM)… I’ve been there, I know how satisfying that feels. But you are STILL relying on men for validation/attention and allowing them (especially undeserving LVM) to have access to you!
Actual Queendom and Maximum Benefit
Instead, true Queendom is achieved by allowing only properly-vetted HVM the opportunity (and ✨blessing✨) to be in your presence and to look after you. YOUR TIME IS PRECIOUS, more precious than a free meal! A Queen would rather get her own fancy meal by herself or with friends than to use that time to endure free meals from a scrote (and literally losing brain cells listening to his stupid rambles... and potentially endangering herself).
What situations I'm referring to vs what I'm NOT:
I’m NOT referring to the situations where a proper and decent man invites you to dinner. Then yes by all means enjoy a free meal (you are his esteemed guest). This is different to a man you already KNOW is clearly LV!
If you continue entertaining an obvious scrote, you risk exposing yourself to triggers and dangers. You are not maximising your female benefit by spending any more time with that man, you are WASTING it, by lowering your standards and making yourself available just to gain free stuff.
How to leave immediately and with grace
"Sorry, but I don't think this will work out". Or make up an emergency excuse and leave.
If it's really difficult (he's clingy or potentially dangerous), just remember some restaurants/venues are more than happy to call a taxi, safely escort you out with a security guard or sneak you out the back door.
Block him while you're leaving or once you've left. Which leads me to my next point:
Remember to be RUTHLESS and Block-and-Delete!
I find that the ruthless Block-and-Delete mentality is dwindling on this forum. Instead, it seems some of you are advocating for “block him unless he can buy you Gucci” or "he's a scrote, yes Queen- go toy with him for fun/revenge!" 🤡. If you want to be an "edgy" "baddie" sugar baby, then go ahead but FDS never explicitly supported this behaviour.
Just thought I’d make a quick reminder post, as a fellow FDS sister wanting to help out her other sisters, especially the ones who are new here. I understand if this causes a debate, I’m interested to hear what others think and what is their interpretation of FDS.
I honestly agree... I hear you and am nodding along!!! Personally, LVM/NVM have absolutely no place in my life. The risks outweighs the benefits. Someone who is not properly vetted or is not HVM is simply dangerous emotionally, physically and financially. A burden.
Great post! I agree with the reminder that our time is precious. I'd rather look back on my time and remember the fun I had, pursuing my hobbies and enjoying myself with HV people. I don't want to look back and see a list of the LVM who have wasted my time.
This whole sugar baby rhetoric is inherently damaging because it isn't maximum female benefit. What's the point of having expensive material items when you have to spend time with a creepy old scrote with toxic ideas about women who disrespects you? Is your time, personal safety and comfort really worth sacrificing for that?
Exactly, not to mention the opportunity cost. The more time you waste with the wrong person keeps you away from the right one.
I 100% agree. I've been seeing more sugar baby strategy posts on here and it's irksome. If that's what you wanna do, go ahead, but it's still centering men in your life, which is the opposite of FDS. Take it elsewhere. On a similar note, it's annoying to see post where women share screenshots of convos with scrotes from OLD. As soon as he shows himself to be a scrote, block and delete, it's a waste of time to go back and forth with these fools.
Deb Cooper (relationship coach on YouTube—a lot of what she says is FDS-aligned) said something interesting: when she goes out on a first date with a new man, she only gives them a half hour of her time. She did say that this is why she’s okay with a coffee date as “get to know you and decide if I want to date you for real” date. Of course, this doesn’t align with most of our feelings about coffee dates, but I see where she’s coming from in this case. She’s older (in her 50s, I think), so I think she’s doing what a lot of FDSers recommend by having a zoom call with a man before you go on any dates, only she prefers to do it in person.
Overall, I like the idea of limiting the amount of time you spend on a date (especially a first date). Not only does this prevent the “faked closeness” thing manipulative men do where they keep moving you to different locations on one date, but it gives the message that your time is valuable, and he needs to prove his worth within the timeframe he’s given.
Yasss, Queen! This is a post for the books.
I stick with the bare minimum. But even that's too much for them.
Gee I didn't know that acting and functioning like a grown ass man is too much to handle.
Responsibility, Respect, give back because a man should know he's not only there for himself. It's his duty to make himself useful.
Oh no most men don't like the sound of that, you need to love him for who he is hurr hurr..
There is a NVM who used to work in my PhD lab (I graduated already) who orbits me, trying to gauge my interest in him even though he has a girlfriend. Should I block him?
The main reason I’m afraid to is I’m scared to burn bridges with him in case we see each other at a networking event or lab reunion :/