.png)
If you are new to FDS (or haven't finished the handbook yet), you should know that FDS is very much in favor of ROTATIONAL DATING.
ROTATIONAL DATING is, simply put, you have a rotation of men you go out on dates and vet, and you keep dropping and adding men into your rotation until you found the best of the best among them -- and you allow that man to marry you (or be in an exclusive, long-term partnership with you).
A little PSA:
Men don't do "rotational dating" - this concept don't apply to them because they are the CHASER. Rotational dating can only be done by a CHOOSER - aka women. A chaser chasing after multiple women is called "avoid him at all cost".
A lot of concepts and strategies on FDS don't apply to men because they are the CHASER. Women are the CHOOSER, the rules are different for us. You have to stop thinking about "what about men--" when reading posts from FDS -- because most don't apply to them, only women.
When FDS says "We focus on effective dating strategies for women who want to take control of their dating lives" -- that's isn't just for the effect. From women for women ONLY.
OMG, CHEATING???
Now, a lot of women have a really hard time accepting this because: "Dating multiple guys at the same time??? -- OMG isn't that cheating??"
No, because what you think as "Dating" is NOT how FDS view "Dating".
We live in a time where "Dating" means being in a loyal, exclusive, mono-relationship with ONE guy. And sleep with him. And live with him (for some reason). And do all the things, be all the things, and paying 50/50 on bills so that he will "see" that you are "wife material", wasting your youth and beauty stuck with that dude for 5, 10, 20 years in hopes that one day, he will finally see that you are fit to be his wife. Being a "girlfriend" for 10 years and fiancée for 5 years is normal nowadays FFS.
THIS is "Dating" the patriarchal way -- because who gets allllll the benefits in this dynamic? And who gets allllllll the suffering? I don't care if he "pays the bills" and "is a great communicator" -- you are wasting your time, energy, beauty, MONEY, youth, everything with ONE guy. Auditioning so hard to be his wife -- and if he dumps you? Heartbroken till the next century. Worse if you have children with this guy.
When FDS says "Dating", we mean COURTSHIP.
Rotational dating and FDS way of viewing "Dating" is similar to the old-school, ancient practice of COURTSHIP.
You are SINGLE.
All these men you are rotational "dating" with don't own you in any way, shape, or form.
You are NOT exclusive with any of them.
You are NOT a "girlfriend" to any of them.
They are not your "boyfriend" -- they are your SUITORS.
You certainly don't sleep with any of them.
You don't live with any of them.
You don't do jack sh*t for any of them.
You are being COURTED by all of them. Taken out of dates, given gifts, entertained by them.
They are all trying to IMPRESS you.
So no, you aren't "cheating" with any of them -- because none of them owns you.
You are not obligated to be "loyal" to any of them -- because you are SINGLE.
Rotational dating is designed for MAXIMUM FEMALE BENEFITS
1) You are CHOOSING between all these eligible bachelors
Vetting and comparing them all, and determine who among them you think is the most suited to be your husband or long-term partner.
If at any point, any of the guys in your rotation start acting "off" -- you easily drop him and add a new one if you so desire. You aren't burdened by any of their antics -- because you have a rotation of them. One gone? Five more to vet.
You know, instead of going crazy crying into the pillow because the ONE guy you are "dating" starts acting shitty.
2) Having a rotation of guys also help you SEE which one is genuine and which one is not
Because when you date Guy A on Monday and he starts acting iffy but you can't put a finger on it, comparing him to Guy B on Tuesday, and Guy C on Wednesday will help clear up your confusion and you can easily drop Guy A from your rotation.
You don't have that luxury when you are dating just the one guy.
3) All these guys also help you RAISE your standards
Imagine yeah -- you have FIVE guys courting you. And all of them doing it five different ways in an effort to be the stand-out one and finally impress you.
Guy A treats you to the all expensive restaurants around town.
Guy B brings you to all these exciting fun activities that you have never tried before.
Guy C takes you to see the most beautiful view and prepare the most exquisite picnics of your dream.
Guy D knows you are crazy about books so he takes you to visit every bookstore in town and let you go crazy on his dime.
Guy E gives you spending money and regularly treats you to a shopping spree.
What do you think your standards will look like after rotationally dating all these five guys after 6 months?
You will scoff when a new guy dares to even suggest a coffee date to "get to know" you. You will realize just how ridiculous the dating standards you accepted in the past.
4) You trigger his MATE-GUARD instinct
When a man senses that he isn't the only one you are giving attention to, his MATE-GUARD instinct is activated.
He will feel challenged, his heckles will raise -- he will feel the burning jealousy, his male pride will be challenged.
He will want to WIN you affection. So he will TRY HARDER to win you. He wants to be "The One". HE will raise the standards on how he treats you. Imagine how this will look like with FIVE guys in your rotation.
Instead of you being the insanely jealous and insecure girlfriend being suspicious and threatened by all these women surrounding the ONE guy you are dating.
"But... won't he feel insulted and angry because he isn't the only one? I'm afraid he will harm me."
First of all, vet carefully a man before putting him into your rotation. Any man who is "off" in anyway or you feel like he has the potential to be a problem -- don't put him in the rotation! VET VET VET before putting him into the rotation. Only the healthy eligible bachelor may enter your rotation.
Second of all -- DON'T TELL ANY OF THEM THEY ARE BEING ROTATIONALLY DATED FFS. What's with women and their tendency to tell the man they are dating literally every. single. little. thing? Why can't you just keep a secret or two or ten? It is none of his business!
What you want him to know is that you two are NOT "dating" the patriarchal way -- he doesn't own you, you aren't his "girlfriend", you aren't "exclusive" to him, you two aren't a "couple" -- he has NO CONTROL over you.
He expressed the desire to court you, and you are giving him the chance to impress you. That's it. The guy don't like that? Good, the door is that way.
So by design, he may refer to you as a "friend" to others, or if he really want to impress you; "the woman I am trying to win over".
And by design, he should not be surprised that there are others trying to impress you as well because hey -- you are the amazing, precious woman every men is trying to win over! It is stupid of him to think he is the only one!
You can hint that he isn't the only one you are currently dealing with when he gives subpar gifts or doing something stupid that annoy you during the date. Because who told him to be a dumbass? He is on a thin f**king line there buddy.
"I am an introvert/shy/busy/whatever and can't for life of me entertain one guy, let alone a rotation"
Then "rotationally dating" him with whatever it is occupying your mind, heart, and time -- friends, family, pets, kids, activities, hobbies, goals, passions.
The goal is to let him understand that you are not easy to obtain, and very easy to lose -- so he will not dare to treat you lightly.
You make him understand that he is not that important in your life -- he is a subset of your life that if he dares to cause trouble and isn't worth keeping -- you can drop him, just like that.
But you are advised to at least pretend he is up against other men because that's the best way to trigger his MATE-GUARDING instinct.
I hope I can shed some light on what rotational dating actually means, and encourage y'all to give it a try.
Anymore questions, leave them in the comments.
Stay safe.
100 percent. Thé boyfriend girlfriend arrangement is so bad for women. It’s like investing your life savings in a business with no paperwork. Nobody would do that, but we invest our whole selves without the agreement of and commitment of marriage. Why dedicate ourselves to Something that could be over any minute? I will never have another boyfriend. If I don’t know someone well enough, or they dont know me well enough to be sure they want to build a life with me and to propose that, then why would I dedicate myself to them? You have to be making decisions 100 percent for you until you’re married and the agreement/commitment is for a mutual life from someone who WANTS that. Even if that’s not the majority of guys, spending years dedicated to someone who’s going to hum and haw about commitment is terrible - you’re at their mercy.
Ladies, follow this. Fuck being loyal. I tried that and the guy was doing this rotation stuff behind my back. Look out for yourself. How do you keep a rotation if let’s say you start dating someone and he wants to be exclusive of a couple of months? I’m genuinely thinking of dating for marriage only but also wouldn’t want to lose someone because I refused to be their gf down the line.
I am definitely the introvert/shy/busy/whatever woman in that last section 😆
I feel like I don't need to experience many men for myself to have a point of comparison. I get that from the experiences of all the women around me (and here, too!)
This is why it's so important for women to compare notes.
It takes a damn near miracle for one man to make it through my vetting, let alone multiple men at the same time.
Yet the scarcity mindset doesn't set in. There doesn't need to be another man lined up for me to drop a man. I just don't get that attached to men. I used to think maybe there's something wrong with me for being this way, but now I see it's a gift 🤣
Back in my more naive days, I used to be influenced by society into thinking I ought to be less "picky" and give more "chances". But still, even back then, I didn't actually do those things, because I never felt like it. 😁 I used to feel kind of bad because I wasn't doing what I "ought to" do. I don't feel bad anymore.
What about men who do rotational dating? Although I support women doing rotational dating, I feel like it wouldn't be the same for men to date multiable women...call it hypocrisy, but it's one of the double standards that I stan. Is there an actual FDS handbook that explains why rotational dating for men and women is not the same? And If so, I would love to read it.
This needs to be a handbook post.
How do you hint that he is not the only one?