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The antidote to REAL life stories of 50/50 "relationship" (Part 1) Because y'all need to see what it looks like on the green side of things.
WARNING: This is Female DATING Strategy sub, not WGTOW or anything similar to that. Your pain is valid -- but so does other women's happiness. My goal is not to convince y'all to never enter any relationship everrr -- I wrote in FDS for a reason -- my goal is to simply state the truth. I want you to see reality for what it is, and go in prepared and ruthless.
Listen -- you are hurt, you are betrayed, you got wounded -- I get it. But that doesn't mean you get to hurt other people and punishing new people for the sin of the people in your past. That's now a good way to live.
Any comment deemed problematic (or trying to start something stupid) and disrespectful to these real experiences shared by real people will be REPORTED and DELETED.
1) A HVM provider cares about you. Get concerned about you. Want you to be comfortable, safe, and thoroughly taken care of -- and all of that automatically translate into consistent actions. It is a no-brainer, it is simply a fact for him. You don't have to beg him to do it, teach him how to do it, write long ass paragraph, or "communicate" until you are blue in the face.
If he wanted to, he would. If the ones you are dealing with right now or in the past doesn't have it -- he is not it. Dust off and move on.
My husband is traveling for work, and even though I miss him, he makes it SO stress free for me. House is cleaned before he goes, laundry done, he orders my groceries/meal service for the week, gas in my car, cash in my wallet, appointments made.
He even picks out shows/movies for me to watch on Netflix and adds them to a list for me. Offered to record himself snoring and play it over the intercom in case I can’t sleep. So sweet lol 😍
2) A HVM provider will NOT change even when the marriage don't work out. He is at his core a kind-hearted, decent guy with a moral code. He doesn't have to love you to get concerned about you -- and he will never, ever leave his children struggling. Because his heart is not a hardened, rotten, black thing. He has humanity inside of him -- like you.
My ex husband and I have been divorced for years but he takes care of our son. He enrolls him in school each year, buys his clothes, takes him to dr appts, dentist, lets me know about our parent/teacher conference dates, after school activities. My sister asked me what size shoe my kid wears and I honestly couldn’t tell her. He does all that. Allowing him to be the primary care giver was the best decision I made. So many opportunities and experiences opened up for me. I too get to be a nurturing mom and have experiences with my son without all the work lol. While my ex and I may not have worked out in marriage, we’re in a great space of co-parenting and have been for years.
3) And being provided for is not just from your partner -- it is from any kind, decent men in your life.
The masculine energy my eldest provides is that he takes custody of my middle son who’s autistic so that I can relax. 🥰 There is a provider in my life who oversees that I have what I need and who genuinely CARES. It feels so nourishing. There’s more levels though so, I deserve more still right? Duh 😂
Here's the thing;
HVM provider men is hard to come by -- that's a fact. But instead of agonizing over something you have absolutely no control over -- or worse start getting desperate; just let life take its course. You don't want to live in hatred, in misery, in anger, in hair-trigger so thin that even the smallest thing will set you off. I have a friend like that -- she just can't stay peaceful for long, there's always thing that will set her off and send her into a downward spiral. You want to end up like her?
Take lessons where needed. Observe what a healthy HVM provider looks like, and practice it in your life. Start observing people, notice the little things. Eventually you will get good a reading the differences and your vetting will get better. Stop burdening yourself with things that don't benefit you in any way, shape or form. Focus on yourself, start levelling up already -- instead of wasting time getting stressed and complaining about shitty people being shitty.
Again, if you don't have anything good to say, move on. I am not dealing with any bullsh*t today.
Stay tuned, and stay safe.
We need more positive posts like this. Sometimes there are so many negative posts that create a scarcity mindset, that we might read them and think our own partner at the time isn’t so bad.  In point 1, we forget that women do these things automatically for men, so you are not asking too much to want to be supported; if he doesn’t return the favour of your everyday help and love, then that is not an equitable relationship. One big thing that women are taught is that it’s acceptable for a man to mistreat you if you reject him. So I love that you’ve made the point that realistically, a good person doesn’t become bad the second something doesn’t suit them. I think if an ex partner becomes hostile, and if they especially try to take shots at you to damage your reputation etc, that was always a no value/low value/damaged person - unsuitable for being in a relationship.  Another thing about cultural misogyny, as you don’t have to sleep with a man for him to be a good person. I want to see more men being kind to women they don’t try to sleep with. 
This is the amazing thing about a male “provider”. It’s literally just asking him to be a decent human being. Respect, love, and care about his partner. If they become your significant other, why WOULDN’T you WANT to support them and proactively find ways to make their busy life easier? Wouldn’t you want to see them thrive??
It goes back to the whole “bare minimum” mentality. Asking a man to provide for you is the bare minimum. Especially when we can already provide for ourselves. And it’s not like we’re sitting on our high horses expecting men to be our slaves, spitting on them or being ungrateful, we pull our own weight too! We grace them (aka PROVIDE them) with our presence, our femininity and all the wonderful things we do as women. I’ve done my hard work and self improvement, and I’m still doing it, my HVM better remember and respect that.
The thing is that men like these are rare because you have to be brave to care about people as a man. Bravery is difficult because it is extremely uncomfortable. Patriarchy enables men to cut off their emotions, humanity, to not cry, to toughen up, to only care about themselves and hyper avoidant independent behaviour is their go to trauma response. The cold hearted emotionally stunted "Alpha male" is a product of patriarchy. People who know what they value and think through what they do are rare. Most people live on a script they are not aware of. Good people and HVM are rare. That doesn't mean you won't find them if you stay true to yourself. Thank you for a good post ♥️
Excellent post, thank you for sharing the real life examples were very helpful to read. My grandparents mostly raised me and they worked together. My grandpa seemed very high value, he would pick us up from school, study with us, take me shopping whenever I needed something, and treat me to my favorite foods and small gifts. He never complained about it and was always a very generous person, who was eager and proud to be there. My grandma would be doing laundry and he would be washing up all the floors every weekend. I don't ever remember her having to beg, yell, or even ask him to do these things. He was never a cook but he would always be cleaning up after the meal. He'd leave her extra money if he knew she was going to hit the grocery store or take us to lunch.
I feel like I had a true HVM provider but, sadly, he had a bit of a wandering eye, although he was working on it. Sometimes I feel really silly for breaking it off with someone who took such good care of me for doing something probably 99% of the men I'll ever meet will do.
To me this has something to do with narcissistic energy too. My eldest sister (the lost child) as well as myself (the scapegoat) have both been able to attract HVM provider type energy. Whereas my middle sister (the golden child) has settled for a NVM non provider. can’t help but think there is something to do with that. Xx