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It’s funny how the friends I made when I was a miserable pickme in a new city with no sense of boundaries had no problem with me when I was letting men use and abuse me, ingrained into hookup culture and tried getting into sexwork or had little self esteem in general.
Yet when I discovered FDS, started going to therapy, started developing self respect and boundaries then started speaking up against the bullshit in hookup culture, BDSM, porn etc. they lost their shit and two of them started going into long debates with me, sending me massive novel texts. My best friend at the time got her friend to spam me novel texts, and then she herself sent me multiple voice memos attacking my opinion, twisting my words while claiming that I was being harmful lol.
excuse me. I‘m pointing out how we need to stop letting hookup culture and the patriarchy brainwash us into thinking that sleeping with as many musty crusty men as possible(who can’t even last a min or could be predatory) is ~EMPOWERING~ like i did not feel liberated at all. Oh and me calling out the racism and misogyny in porn and BDSM and how abuse against women is normalized in general totally triggered the hell out of them. The brainwashing is too severe!!
my so called best friend blocked me and yet made burner accounts to watch my IG stories and got her twitter friends to creep on my social media as well and it is disheartening as hell.
How do you deal with “friends” who are willing to be there for you during your bad times yet attack you when you are glowing up and maturing?? How is it that self sobatoging behaviors in women are ignored or even encouraged yet developing high standards, boundaries especially when it comes to men is seen as harmful and an affront??
i am TIRED but also feel so much more at peace cutting off these so called friends. It just feels lonely and scary out here seeing how much women will not only stay stagnant but expect their friends to stay stagnant with them.
Been there. It's really tough to realize all your "friends" only like you because you're an easy target for abuse and prop up their shitty self-esteem. My level up journey required me to block some of the people in my life I've known the longest. Best decision ever. Only with distance did I realize how truly abusive our dynamic was and how much they relied on me for their self-esteem boost. Never again.
Get comfortable being your own company for awhile. Then you won't hungrily jump at every person who might offer friendship and you'll attract HV people. The very fact of how these people are acting towards you proves they aren't worthy of being part of the next phase of your life. These women will never support you when things go wrong and they are genuinely not on your side. Getting out of the viper den will benefit you soooo much. You're ready.
I resonate with you soooo much on this because I too have lost friends when I decided to level up.
The more I've improved myself, the fewer friends I've had. The disturbing truth is pickmes have the “crab in the bucket mentality“ - since they have no intention of doing better, they intend to drag you down to their level so you can all be useless together.
It's bizarre to me how they complain about the ways men mistreat them yet when women, like yourself, start talking about the ways women have been oppressed and how women can overcome said oppression, pickmes get upset with you! How do you complain about being mistreated and then complain about someone trying to stop the mistreatment?! The brainwashing is truly severe. Your friends have demonstrated that they clearly don't mind wasting their time with stupid men who don't care about them.
You've not missed out on anything because these were never true friends, to begin with. Real friends would be proud of you for levelling up and would be inspired to do the same if they truly wanted to better themselves. I've really come to realise that a lot of women will complain about toxic men but will go right back to them. They just want to vent and get steam out which makes them feel better. Until they get sick and tired of always being sick and tired, they'll continue to mess themselves about and call their actions "empowerment" 🙄
It's hard to find HVW friends but they're out there. Keep improving yourself in every way you can. You'll definitely get high-value women being interested in being friends with you because, they too, will be on the lookout for high-value friends!
You've got this! 💜 💜 💜
Honestly? I gently ghosted all of mine when I began to level up. I remember how hard opening my eyes for the first time was. It hurt. It was painful to examine my life to that point through the lens of FDS. I was angry at myself, at the people who took advantage of me, at my “friends”, at my family and at FDS. And they’re not even at the eye opening stage. I firmly believe FDS is a deeply personal journey. You can’t reason it into women. They have to discover it themselves through whatever journey takes them there and I simply accept that not all of them will. There are many more generations of these sacrifices to go.
Good for you. I’m so excited you are leveling up. On my level up journey (that actually started a decade before I even found FDS and could put a name on it), I’ve found that loosing friends is rather common. I came from a family with a lot of drama, and was used to drama culture. So for me it was especially in the beginning when I get rid of the friends who were centered around drama I lost a lot of close friends. The beginning of my leveling up journey has been the loneliest part in my life, because after you’ve cut ties with people it takes time to build a new and healthier friend circle, which leaves a void. But just trust that that void will be filled, just stay patient and keep your standards up. For me it took years, and a decade later I’m still building my friend circle. Only now I’m expanding it more than building it. I have a solid foundation of great friends and acquaintances for different activities and purposes. But it’s not only in the beginning you’ll lose friends. If you are accustomed to unhealthy relationships, it takes time to figure out which ones of the healthy ones you prefer, for what and when. It takes time tp figure out your preferences. So you may wanna try a lot of new friends on. Like a sweater if you will ☺️ Some might fit and some wont. My way of going about it with the least drama, is not being to vocal about it. I don’t proclaim my opinions to anyone who will listen. But they’ll shine through. People will notice if you don’t laugh at their sexist joke. No need to say anything. So my advice to you is don’t agrue with your «friends». Don’t argue with stupid. Sit on your hands, don’t type back. My favourite response if I disagree with something (if I have to say anything) is «yeah, I understand that you feel that way…». And that’s it. Or I might answer with a single word. «Ok», «yeah», «sure», «cool». It signals that you want the convo to end. You’re not participating. But if you want to level up from these friends, don’t say anything. Just move on and trust the process.
I have some old friends from high school who, although they are mostly similar to your friends in that they are pro-porn, pro-sex work, pro-hook up culture etc, respect my right to have different views and opinions. I have always had very non-standard views even pre-FDS. These "friends" do not respect you at all, in addition to being pickmes, they demand that you tow the line instead of expressing yourself. They're not real friends and they need to go! With some of them making burner accounts, tbh it might be best for you to create new social media accounts and delete your old ones. I hope in time that you make some high quality friends!