Learn When To Get Off a Man's Table

Men are obsessed with tables for some reason, so I figure the title was appropriate. Largely a metaphor for the ladies here to easily envision this in their heads as they read along, I hope that this will help you out as you navigate the murky waters that is heterosexual dating.

Because things are so wonky nowadays, and men fancy themselves as the fair sex who owns their own table that they use to test out women, we're going to pretend for simplicity's sake that the dating world is essentially a giant restaurant. As women, we get to walk in and take a look around, and see all these men, and all these tables, and all these opportunities to find love. Whatever.

As women, we have been taught to always yield, be submissive, give endless second chances, blame ourselves, apologize, and explain away anytime a man starts acting up or hurts us. Imagine seeing a woman sitting down at a man's table without his invitation. Honestly, just imagine anyone else in any other normal scenario, sitting down at a stranger's table in a restaurant for no reason at all. That would be weird behavior, right?

And yet, it's something a lot of women nowadays do, because they're pressed with passion over not wanting to be seen as old school or traditional, to not be seen as all the other girls, or to try her luck at getting a shot with an especially attractive man who never once looked her way when she entered said eating establishment. It's pathetic behavior, and he won't appreciate it at all. He'll probably call security on her. Poor thing.

Now, imagine a man does invite you to his table. You sit down. Food is great, he picks out the best wine for you, things are going swell. Now, imagine a little while into it, and suddenly he's ignoring you, suddenly he's belching and burping, suddenly he's checking out other women right in front of you, and doesn't get the waiter or waitress to get you something more to drink. You slowly feel really bad being in his table, like you feel, well.. uninvited.

Always take a man's bad behavior as him silently telling you to get the fuck out of his table. I'm serious and this will save you many years of time wasted and heartbreak in the future. Regardless whether he was the one to invite you into it first, regardless if it felt good and right at first, regardless if you were the one to invite yourself first and he seems to enjoy your brazen confidence, none of that matters. As soon as you feel like the odd one out at the table, is your cue to politely pick yourself up out of that chair, gather your stuff, and get away from him. Don't be too surprised if you look over your shoulder and see him immediately inviting another woman to the table right after you. It has nothing to do with you. It's just business as usual for these men.

Women make the horrible mistake of staying in that table for months, years even, after his first insult, stonewalling, or other bad behaviors, because she believes the man she fell in love with will come back. She thinks the table that once welcomed her, is still the same table right now after all that time. It isn't. Or that she will be rewarded soon for her loyalty soon, and the good food/wine/etc will come back. It won't.

It's never going to happen. Tell yourself that until you understand it, and act accordingly.

The second you feel uninvited at a man's table, or hell, anybody else's table for that matter, whether that's a work colleague, friends, neighbors, family members, etc, is the second you leave them well alone and never disturb them again. People never appreciate the idiot who keeps trying, and this goes especially well if the idiot in question is female.

Now.. what would you like to order? :)