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So you know about the big signs -- financially stable, generous and providing, protective, mentally and physically healthy, proactively arrange proper dates and act chivalrous etc2.
Now let's talk about the more mundane, subtle signs that women often overlooked in the men they are dating:
✒️ There's always a little nervousness in him -- because he wants to IMPRESS you so he is being very careful around you.
✒️ He prioritizes YOUR COMFORT over his feelings.
✒️ He is CONSISTENT in his words, actions, attitude, the whole being. He is what he is, and he walk his talk.
✒️ He is NEVER hot and cold, get angry out of nowhere because he is "stressed at work", suddenly goes silent and didn't reply to your texts because he is "busy". He is NEVER confusing like that - he will be consistent.
✒️ You will find it very easy to trust and rely on him because he never give you reason not to. He never say "trust me" either - he just comfortably be himself and you just decide to trust him after awhile.
✒️ He is very secure in himself and will never make you question him.
✒️ He is ready to introduce you to everybody in his lives - he is just waiting for when you are ready.
✒️ He avoids making promises too far into the future - so nothing further than a month because he wants to make sure he can keep his promises.
✒️ Whenever you both are in a crowded places, he always turn to look at you to make sure that you are fine.
✒️ He walks with you in a way that if anything happens, he can immediately shield you.
✒️ Whenever he talks with others and topics about you came up - he will talk in a way that highlight your positive points and praise you as much as possible.
✒️ He tries hard to make you have all the spotlight at all times even when it is about him - HVM are known to overly praise their spouse and downplay their own achievements because they really believe the mantra "Without her, I am nothing."
✒️ When it comes to gifts, treats, dinner date etc. - I would say it is appropriately lavish but also respectful and again, prioritizing your comfort over what he wants. For example, if you never step foot in overly lavish establishment before, have zero knowledge about fine dining and worry over making a fool out of yourself the whole date - he would take that into consideration and plan the date around your comfort level. Or get a private seating.
✒️ If for instance you never do the thing but you want to try - he will patiently guide you and be your support in conquering the thing. Even if you end up embarrassing yourself and him - he will just laugh it away because all he cares about is you, not everybody else, not his image.
✒️ He is subconsciously always thinking about you and you find him buying trinkets and small gifts that are meaningful to you - because he "just saw this on the market and reminds me of you, so I have to buy it." - You will grow a collection of said things over time.
✒️ He won't even realize it - but whenever he thinks about you, saw your texts, look at something that reminds him of you, hear other people talks about you etc. - he will have that look that says "I am happy and I am in love".
✒️ His face lights up like a Christmas tree whenever he walks into a room and spots you. He will then proceeds to follow you around because he wants to be near you as much as possible.
✒️ If you are used to highs and lows of toxic relationship, dramatic in-the-rain angst romance drama moments, yelling and shouting as as a form of "love" - he will be BORING. Yes ladies, if you still didn't fully get over your trauma and wounds, you will find that the man is "too nice and too good" for you.
✒️ And on the same page, if you are still dealing with internal issues having a healthy-minded HVM will TRIGGER YOUR SHAME. Because he will be calm, level-headed, disciplined, face the problem head-on etc. while you are used to bury the issues, pretending that "everything is fine", rather fight and feel the highs and lows instead of maturely solving the issues - you will be ashamed of yourself when you are around him.
✒️ A man that is genuinely into you will bring you peace, tranquility, feelings of safety and security, calmness and feel like you finally standing on a FIRM ground. It is like a man is the one that build a sturdy, safe and secure house for a woman, while the woman is the one that turn that house into a home.
I want to stress a point here - recognizing a HVM that is genuinely into you is a whole different ballgame than spotting red flags while dating LVMs and "nice guys".
It is important to understand, especially for the newbies why FDS emphasize so much about firstly transforming yourself into a HVW, deal with your internal issues, fully recover from your wounds and traumas before you get back into the dating world.
Because only then can you finally understand and truly see, for the first time, the new perspective of the world without the rose-colored glasses.
You recognize what is healthy and what is not, what is appropriate and what is unforgivable, whether the man is truly into you or just playing games. Why the handbook tell you to just block and delete.
You stop wasting time and energy on the "surface problems" - worrying about the 50/50, whether maybe you should live with him before marriage, should I text him more or play hard to get, confused why he suddenly go cold after going exclusive, why this man neg me like this and that man say that to me etc2.
Being a HVW means you no longer care about the whys and the nitty-gritty of LVMs - you don't even spare them a glance, you cut them off before they can even say something - and just walk forward. You don't suffer fools, you see the root cause of them all and step aside, not burdening yourself with insignificant fools.
Only then can you recognize the type of quality men that is genuinely into you, and can freely pick and choose the one you like best. You feel ZERO desperation, all of them will be the cream of the crop and yet you know you are still the prized queen. That's ideally the level you want to achieve before committing back into the dating world.
And it DOESN'T mean you have to be the stereotypical Hollywood femme-fatale - you just have to be the you version of HVW that won't forgive even a simple slip of tongue from a supposed "date" and will stand up and walk away that very minute.
In short, to be able to recognize a genuine man who is genuinely into you, you have to start being genuinely yourself first.
Stay safe.
Great list. It's often the little things that make or break the whole thing over time.
I always think about my aunt and uncle, who are a true HV couple and kind of what I would want out of a long term marriage. They are both in their late 70s and have been married for over 50 years.
The way my uncle's eyes light up when my aunt enters the room or how delighted he looks at her when she tells a story...
How attentive he is to her needs and to make sure she is comfortable (e.g. automatically choosing the most comfortable path for her and putting himself between her and obstacles when they are walking somewhere)...
The thoughtful gifts and gestures...
The deep and utter love and respect they treat each other with at all times even when they disagree on something...
... and how all of that seems perfectly natural and instinctive when they do it and never practiced, artificial or forced.
Hey SayNad,
You always have the loveliest post! You're going to help so many women!
The bar is in hell but if you can climb into heaven you might have a chance 😎 Good list!
I’ve had this kind of love with Jack (RIP). It’s out there and it exists. Settling is never an option. This was such a pleasure to read. So many happy memories, thank you.
Lovely post, thank you! Can’t wait for a guy like this to come along. I’m ready!