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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
Why We Support Investment: The Fallacy of Focusing on Financial Investment
Today, in a self-proclaimed woman-centric sub, known for their liberal feminist perspective and catering to male voices, they are currently discussing the horrors of FDS. Some comments disapproved of financial investment from men—labeling it as regressive.
Why do we dare ask for financial investment from potential romantic partners?
This question contorted itself in my brain.
We expect potential partners to invest their resources into pursuing a relationship with us. That does not simply mean money—as many critics highlight— but time, attention, thought, and emotional effort. Even here, seasoned members continuously correct newer ones that wealth does not make a HVM. Let's break down what investment is through juxtaposition of high value and low value behavior.
Situation 1
A man who takes you to an expensive seafood restaurant when you have mentioned to him before that you are allergic to shrimp. He asked you out the day before and spent $350 on the date, but he:
(1) Did not pay attention to your words.
(2) Took you to a seafood restaurant knowing you were allergic to shrimp— limiting your ordering choices and risking you having an allergic reaction due to cross-contamination.
(3) Arranged the date the day before—showing no respect for your time.
Although he invested financially, he lacked respect for you in other areas. His actions illustrated his lack of care towards you. He disregarded your words, health, and time. It would not be surprising if he, later on, disregards other factors or if his disregard becomes intensified. Not valuing your time now can translate to not valuing your time in 10 years when you spend 2 hours daily domestically, while he contributes a mere 30 minutes of watching your toddler while you shower. Of course, this is conjecture. But remember that red flags able to be ignored early on in relationships become more pronounced and detrimental to your growth as the relationship progresses.
Situation 2
A man who hand-makes a charcuterie board with fancy glasses and spritzer and buys your favorite jam and cheese to take you out on a picnic date by the waterfront because you mentioned wanting to watch the sunset by the harbor is a man who cares about investing in a relationship with you. He asked you a week in advance for your availability and spent $40 curating this evening for you, but he:
(1) Paid attention to your words.
(2) Spent time and effort in hand curating a fancy picnic basket making sure that your favorite items were included.
(3) Spent time researching the best areas to watch the sunset in the harbor.
(4) Checked the weather for the best day to take you out on a date to make sure it was not windy or raining.
In this situation, he invested with a myriad of disparate resources. He invested by putting in emotional labor of planning a date around your interests and propensities, using time management to check which days would suit both wonderful weather and your schedule, illustrating respect for your time by asking you out in advance instead of presuming your availability, financial effort by purchasing items to create a picnic, paying attention to your words by taking note of your interests and favorite refreshments, and physical labor and time to curate a charcuterie board for your date.
Do not fall into the fallacy of solely focusing on financial resource as an investment. There are low value and high value individuals with extravagant wealth.
Pay attention to all types of investment to minimize low value presence from your life—whether they are individuals in your dating, social, familial, or professional spheres. Do not fall into the fallacy of believing that financial investment is an indication of high value behavior. It is one indication of investment, but there are other indications of investment to also consider.
Furthermore, investment is an indication of how much a person values you. If a man does not invest in you, he does not and will not ever value you— nor will he value your efforts, attention, emotional labor, physical contribution, and time.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.